


I Give Myself To You

by LM84



Series: Fighting Life [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Complete, Desperation, F/M, Friendship, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Neglected Castiel (Supernatural), Pain, Poor Castiel (Supernatural), Poverty, Prostitution, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Parent Castiel (Supernatural), Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sibling Love, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 15:49:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19176466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LM84/pseuds/LM84
Summary: READ THE TAGS. You know the drill.Reposting and completing after it was originally taken down.Coming out for anyone can be scary. It's terrifying, even when your family aren't religious nut bags.But when his mother found out he was gay, Castiel's life was torn apart.From having everything he could ever want or need, to fighting for food every week Castiel has one reason left to live. His baby brother and sister who depend on him for everything.Alone in the world Castiel fights for a better life for his siblings and to hold onto his dreams in a world that seems determined to crush him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Simply put, if you are triggered by anything, do not read this. If you are bothered by any of the topics, do not read this. This story starts with a whole lot of hurt and no comfort and is a very slow burn which will eventually lead to a happy ending, but I’m not going to lie, the first two parts are hard to get through.  
> This was originally 3 fics in a series and to anyone who followed this story before, Sorry doesn’t cover it. I deleted this out of panic after a string of really nasty comments, and I am sorry it disappeared for a while. But I’m back now. I’m just posting this all as one now instead of as separate fics.  
> Constructive criticism is fine, in fact I welcome it, but if you’re are just going to be nasty, kindly get lost.
> 
> I'm not going to sugar coat it. This story is 12 chapters of graphic, angst-filled hell and Warnings for everything, so if you’re worried don't read.  
> But for those brave enough I promise this will be an epic adventure of endurance and inner strength that will reach an eventual happy ending... But not until they've been through hell.  
> This is the first fic in a planned series, where the fics will get progressive lighter.  
> This was a very hard one for me to write and it took a lot of guts for me to post it due to how explicit it is at points. Evidently it is something completely different to anything I have done before, so I hope you enjoy it.

In the end, Castiel hadn’t had much choice in where he went to college.

At 14 years old he’d had everything. A happy family, straight A’s, friends and a beautiful home in Beverley hills. Yes, ok, his life wasn’t perfect. He’d always been small for his age, skinny too and sometimes he’d get picked on by the ‘cool’ kids for his nerdiness, but life had also given him two badass and protective older brothers who always had his back. Castiel had always been the baby of the family. His brothers were both a lot older than him; Balthazar was 6 years older and Gabriel 9. But everything changed that year when his Mum, Naomi, had given birth to twins, Samandriel and Anael, so the family grew to 7.

Castiel had, had to say goodbye to his brothers when Naomi had found out she was pregnant, neither of them had been to college and they left announcing they were going to go and make it big in Vegas. Castiel couldn’t have been more different to them. They were loud and unapologetic and lived to party. Cas was quiet, happy spending time in the garden, studying or watching the bee’s. His brothers always teased him and Gabriel was a capricious prankster but it was always fun and never nasty. In fact, he can’t remember ever having argued with them.

Gabriel and Balthazar came home to see the two new additions to the family 9 months later, but they hadn’t stayed long, the world, apparently, wouldn’t conquer itself. He hadn’t seen them since and he missed them.

But Castiel knew that day he first saw his new little siblings that he loved them with everything he was. The pride of being a big brother swelled in his chest and he knew would do anything for them.

So, his perfect life had just got infinitely better. That was until one day when the twins were 7 months old when Castiel came home from school confused and scared. He’d never had a crush on any girls, part of him thought he was just too young or hadn’t met anyone he fancied yet, but that had changed two weeks ago. He’d seen a stunningly handsome boy at lunch and knew from that moment that he didn’t like girls at all. He was Gay. But that was wrong, or so it had been drilled into him from a young age.

Naomi was incredibly religious, strict old-school Catholic and unmoving in her ways. It was why his brothers always fought with her and why Naomi was so frustrated with them. They were far from perfect Christians, both rebellious and frivolous. Naomi blamed their Dad, James, for their behavior and had ruled over Castiel’s upbringing with a fist of iron and as a result he was naive and sheltered. Castiel was happy enough to go along with the Catholic thing, I mean, he was clever and knew enough about science that he wasn’t stuck on the whole 7-day creation thing, but he wasn’t going to upset his mother with that. He respected her faith and shared it for the most part. But right now, he feared it.

He was Gay… and that was wrong; He knew that, and he didn’t want to be gay, he just… its just how he was. Mum had often talked about cures for homosexuals in their religious debates over dinner and it always made Balthazar furious. He didn’t really know why it made Balthazar so angry, Gabriel never said anything… apart from that one time not long before they left when he completely lost it.

But if there was a cure for this, then maybe if he told her, his Mum would help him get better. But it hadn’t turned out like that at all.

The sting on his cheek from his mother’s strike was mirrored by the tears streaming from his eyes as she screamed at him in disgust. He couldn’t remember all the things she had yelled at him, he knew none of them were good, but one stuck in his head forever. ‘Evil faggot’.

Naomi probably would have done more than slap him if his father hadn’t heard the commotion from his study. He’d pushed Castiel into the other room and closed the door as the shouting reached a crescendo. While the pair of them screamed and shouted, he quickly took his baby brother and sister into his room. He fell asleep with them in his arms as tears tracked down his cheeks. The next morning mum was gone and Dad was passed out drunk. Castiel looked after the twins.

 Mum came home with arms full of leaflets when Castiel was back from school. She’d sat down with him and told him that gays were unnatural and not God’s will and that if he wanted forgiveness he would have to be cured. She showed him places where he could be sent to get better and convinced him it was the right thing to do so he agreed. Then his father walked in and discovered the leaflets and all hell had broken loose.

A few hours later, Dad had told him to pack his bags, they’d moved into a motel for the night and the next morning there was a man at the door in an expensive suit with a letter. Mum was divorcing Dad and there went his perfect life.

His Dad never said anything to Castiel about what had happened. Not a word about being gay. But Castiel knew it was his fault. Him being Gay had broken up their marriage, ruined their perfect lives. His father looked at him differently now as well. He knew he was ashamed of his son.

Mum got the house and Dad got the kids. Naomi had fought hard for the twins but she didn’t want Castiel. Actually, ‘I won’t take that piece of filth into my home’ were the words she’d screamed at him across the court room. That sealed the deal. James got all the kids, but thanks to the prenup, the failing writer got nothing out of the divorce and prolific prosecutor Naomi got to keep her perfect little life and get rid of her embarrassment of a husband and disgrace for a son in one fell swoop.

They’d moved to San Jose renting a small two-bedroom apartment that was more than a little run down. They were going to get a place in the suburbs when they got settled. But that had never happened. The first few months were ok, but Dad started drinking more and more. After a year, Castiel was looking after the kids most nights, then by the time he was 16 his Dad was unrecognizable. When the landlord came around one day demanding the last three weeks rent, Castiel checked the bank accounts and realized they had nothing. Most of Castiel’s college fund was gone too, fed into bars and liquor stores around the neighbourhood no doubt. James Novak hadn’t written a word in years when Castiel started applying to college and Castiel had been working after school and on weekends for 2 years, flitting from job to job. If Castiel wanted to make it to college, he knew he’d have to stay at home to save money which meant he was resting all his cards on Stanford and he’d need a full ride. It was that or the community college and he could kiss his dreams of being a top surgeon goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little taster intro really. Next we will move on to seeing what Cas and the twins have to deal with in their day to day lives.
> 
> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way and I hope this will mean more people will comment as posting this series again, especially the first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its getting graphic already, so you have been warned.  
> Homophobic language and bullying early on and loosely described rape at the end of the chapter.

Castiel’s alarm woke him with a start. His head pounded with the familiar dull ache that came with sleep deprivation. Every fiber of his body was begging to stay in bed but he knew he couldn’t let his eyes slide closed, even for a moment, if he did it would be hours before he woke up again.

He sat up slowly, letting the buzz in his head from the dizziness fade before he slowly got to his feet, pausing to do the same as his body adjusted to the second change in height. His stomach growled at him, but he doubted he would be eating this morning.

Tuesday. His first class was at 10am sharp, it was his busiest day and he just prayed that he made it to class on time this week, he didn’t think the professor would tolerate his lateness much longer. 4:45am. He looked wearily in the fridge. It was as always nearly empty, but he smiled when he realized there was enough cheese for him to have a sandwich too today. He started making up the packed lunches when he heard a loud rattling snore from the other room.

He paused and rounded the corner to see his father, passed out and drooling on the ratty old sofa. He was home then. That made a change. He had no idea where his Dad spent most of his time nowadays, but it wasn’t with his children. Thankfully Alfie and Anna were still too young to realize what was going on. Samandriel and Anael, where hardly names for happy bouncy 5-year old’s and Castiel didn’t want them to get picked on like he had. Anael shortened to Anna easily, but Alfie had despised the name Sam. Instead little Samandriel was in love with Roald Dahl books, especially Esio Trott, he made Castiel read it to him so often that Castiel had started calling him Alfie after the tortoise and it had stuck.

So, at 19 years old, Castiel did everything in his power to make sure Alfie and Anna felt normal and loved. They were loved, of course, he loved them, with everything he was.

Explaining why Dad was never around wasn’t easy though. They barely knew the man and Castiel kept them away from him when he was drunk. He wasn’t a violent drunk their Dad, there wasn’t a bad bone in his body he was just done with life, a feeling his son now knew all too well. Anna and Alfie shouldn’t have to see their Dad like that, he made sure he was still a hero in their eyes.

Castiel sighed to himself when he eyed the sandwich he’d intended to take to college. His Dad would need to eat when he woke up. He wrapped it up and put it back in the fridge for his Dad later, instead picking up the last apple and putting in his bag. He’d just have to grab as much food as he could at work tonight. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to being hungry. He turned back to his father, who was laying on his back, he rolled him onto his side gently, so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit and covered him with a blanket, trying to make him comfortable. He left him a note saying ‘food in the fridge and with everything ready it was time to wake the little ones.

He was blessed that his brother and sister were little angels. Most Kids he saw when he dropped them at school were winging or crying over one thing or another. Anna and Alfie never complained, well, nearly never. At 5 years old they were so adorable when they were sleeping. Alfie seemed to feel someone watching over him and woke up, smiling at Castiel broadly as he pushed the door to their room closed behind him with a creek.

“Morning Alfie.” Castiel smiled. “Go pick out which clothes you want to wear.”

“Yes Castiel.”

“Good boy.”

Alfie ran over to the chest of drawers in the corner of their tiny room, three drawers contained all their clothes and Castiel’s too. They didn’t have much.

Anna, it seemed, would not be so easily awoken this morning. “Anna sweetheart its time to get up.” Castiel said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Already?” A small voice asked disappointedly with a yawn as little fists rubbed the sleep away from big brown eyes.

“I’m sorry sweetie, but you chose staying up late to play...”

“It was worth it.” She smiled. She remembered their game of hide and seek last night and smiled excitedly. “Can we play again tonight? With Alfie too?”

“We’ll see, now come on let’s get you dressed.”

They left the house nearly 10 minutes late and Castiel felt the anxiety bite at his stomach. They were walking particularly slowly today, tired after all their running about last night. He clenched his teeth, cursing himself for letting them stay up so late, but they’d been so happy, and they so rarely got to have any fun. Who was he to take away their childhoods’?

He was equally as tired, if not more so, but they had a four mile walk to the bus stop. There were closer places to catch the bus of course, but this way it was cheapest and saving a few dollars could be the difference between him eating this week and not.

“Come on guys, climb on.” Castiel bent down and tapped his shoulders to cheers from both of his siblings. They each wrapped their arms around Castiel’s neck, from either side and he supported them with an arm each as he stood up. He huffed from the weight of two youngsters, who were hardly getting lighter. The old bruises from the last time he’d done this ached as the pressure was applied in the exact same places. But Castiel could move quicker this way.

After just over an hour of speed walking, verging on a jog, Cas got them to the bus and finally to Blue hills elementary school. It was one of the best schools in the area and had a breakfast club, which he paid for in advance each week. It was cheap and subsidized, and it meant not only were his siblings getting a good education in the better part of town, but they would also be guaranteed breakfast and Castiel didn’t always have the time or cash to get food in.

He said goodbye hastily but made sure they were safely inside before he took off at a run. He just made the bus and for a change he had a seat to himself. He pressed his forehead against the glass and sighed contentedly. He was going to be at class on time, the kids had a full packed lunch, it had been a good morning. He thought about his own hunger rolling in his stomach and to the apple in his bag. It took all his strength not to eat it there and then, but he knew he would regret it come lunch. He would save it and hope that the nice librarian was on today, Joshua, who let him eat whilst he worked over lunch.

………………………….

Once he got off the bus Cas had another short walk to the campus. As he arrived he stopped and took in the sight as he always did. Stanford University. He was so damn lucky to be here. Despite everything that had happened over the past few years the just 19-year-old Castiel Novak had made it. He’d worked his ass off in high school. Full ride or nothing and he’d got it.

Stanford didn’t have a pre-med major, but he had his plan mapped out. He would major in biology as it gave a much broader range of modules and even though he had always wanted to be a surgeon, nothing was fixed yet. He’d considered being a vet, a cancer researcher, a marine biologist. Hell, at least this way he had everything covered.

Lunchtime rolled around and Cas walked past a group of familiar faces in the shade under a large oak tree outside as he headed for his usual spot in the library.

“Hey Castiel. Why don’t you sit with us?” Sam smiled and waved him in. Sam was pre-law and hellishly tall at 6 ft 4. Cas had grown a lot since he left high school, he was now 6ft and fairy well built, but Cas’ insecurities from being a weedy and bullied teen automatically made him wary of the bigger guy. Sam was certainly physically intimidating, but once he’d got over that, the guy seemed nice enough and the group had taken him under their wing for now anyway.

“Castiel!” Charlie exclaimed. The redhead was a hugger and Castiel certainly wasn’t, but he made a reluctant exception for her. He relaxed into the familiar onslaught from the computer scientist and nodded to Engineer Kevin who was writing out something from a textbook while simultaneous eating a sandwich.

“Feel like we haven’t seen you in ages.” Sam noted and Cas nodded.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” Cas smiled nervously. It was true he hardly ever saw the group. They’d maybe met up 6 times since the start of the semester. Castiel generally avoided people. There was too much that could go wrong.

“Hey no worries.” Sam smiled as Castiel got his books out his bag and like Kevin started working. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to socialize. The day was going well after all.

“You working through lunch again? Come on Dude, you work too hard.” Charlie protested.

“Not all of us have time to play candy crush and read fanfiction Charlie.”

“Hey, that’s not all I do.”

“Yes, it is.” Kevin chipped in. “Leave Castiel alone. There’s nothing wrong with working hard.”

“There is when it’s you too. You’ve both got full rides, your acing everything. Live a little.” Charlie threw her hands up dramatically.

“I just don’t have time to do it tonight at home, so I have to do it now.” Castiel shrugged and took a bite from his long-awaited apple. It tasted delicious and he savored every bite.

“That all you eating Castiel?” Sam asked with a frown. Granted they didn’t see Cas much, but Sam hadn’t once seen him eating and he was way on the lean side.

“Nah, I had lunch earlier, just fancied a snack.”

“Fair enough.”

There was idle chatter for the rest of the lunch period but Cas wasn’t tuning in, he had to get three pieces of work finished now, then he could do another on the bus on the way back and start his report in the hour he had between picking up Anna and Alfie and heading to work at the roadhouse. He grimaced a little at how much his back, ribs and shoulders were hurting from carrying them this morning. His arms were so sore it hurt to write. He thought he should be used to it by now, stronger because of it, but he didn’t seem to be getting any stronger. Probably the fact he hadn’t eaten a full meal in four days had something to do with that. At least water was free so he didn’t have to worry about that.

“Castiel?”

Cas looked up and realized he’d missed something.

“Hmmm?”

“Tonight, party at Bobby’s. You in?” Sam asked.

“Oh, I’d love to guys, I really would, but I’m really busy tonight.” Cas wasn’t lying. He’d give anything to have a night with his friends, but he had to choose between that and the twins eating. He would never tell them that however. He didn’t need their pity. Besides, everyone knew who Naomi Novak was. They all assumed that he was rich.

“Aww, come on Castiel you’re always busy.” Sam whined.

“Yeah, anyone would think Mr. Beverley hills was too good to hang with us peasants.” Charlie teased.

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he bowed his head, gut twisting painfully. Did they really think that of him? He shook himself out of it. “I don’t think that at all Charlie. I would never…”

“Relax Castiel I was just teasing.” Charlie smirked.

Cas relaxed a little, but some dangerous thoughts started rushing round his head. “I think I left my book in class, I’ll see you later.” He gathered his stuff quickly and left.

“Castiel wait...” Charlie called after him, but he pretended not to hear, leaving his friends looking at each other in concern. He retreated to the library and stayed there till his next class.

……………………

Cas was so lucky this year. All his classes were squished together, his timetable meant that he only had to miss the odd one to pick up or drop off the kids at school. Tonight, he could go straight to the roadhouse and start work early, he hoped to get there for 5:30pm and get and extra hours pay. He’d take his break at 7pm, pick up the little ones from their friend’s house where they’d gone for tea and hopefully get them to bed early. And then head back. The roadhouse Bar didn’t close till 3am and Castiel worked right up till the end. He let very little slip to Ellen the owner. She knew he had siblings, but not that he went to college or even his real name. It was better that way.

He trudged towards the bus stop after his last class, cursing at the rain that had decided to make an appearance and then he heard a rumble of familiar voices and froze.

“Hi Asstiel.” A gruff voice mocked. The college football team were soon surrounding him and he sighed defeatedly.

“Sucked any cock recently Faggot.”

“Disgusting piece of filth.”

The ring leader Alistair came forward and grabbed him roughly by the hair. Castiel had never told anyone round here he was gay, but Alistair had caught him checking out a guy on him first day on campus and they’d made his life hell since.

“Dirty little rich boy likes it in the ass don’t you.” He spat in Castiel’s face throwing him face first into the ground. Castiel gritted his teeth and bit back his anger. Normally he would put up a fight, he could generally hold his own and drive them off before they hurt him too badly, but they were double in number today, 10 strong and he was exhausted. He didn’t stand a chance and he knew him fighting them only made them go after him harder. They liked a challenge. Maybe if he didn’t give them one, they’d get bored quicker.

“Not going to put up a fight today Castiel?” Alistair sneered his name. Castiel just stood up and didn’t say anything. His palms and nose grazed from the fall.

“Tongue numb from sucking too much cock you little slut!” Another voice came through to a roar of laughter, but Castiel’s ears were ringing too much to place a name to it.

“Let’s continue your re-education shall we bitch?” Alistair stepped forward again and Castiel reeled as a sharp blow to his ribs knocked the air out of him. It was followed by more and as a kick to back of his knees sent pain shooting through his legs Castiel crumpled to the floor and braced himself against the onslaught of kicks.

The world was fuzzy when he finally stopped being shaken. He was filthy wet and cold, spots of blood on his shirt from where the skin had broken, and he wheezed a rattling breath that told him that he probably had a few cracked ribs. He sighed to himself. That was going to be at least 3 weeks of pain and discomfort he could really do without.

His face seemed to be free from cuts as usual, apart from the scrape to his nose. They always avoided his face, it drew too much attention and was more likely to get them in trouble. Like anyone cared anyway. He looked across the street as he sat up, to see the football coach driving away from the lot. He’d probably seen the whole thing, but he didn’t give a shit what his players did out of practice. As long as they played well they were golden in his eyes.

He stood up, his clothes sodden and heavy dragged on his aching body as he realized, he’d probably missed the bus. He ran for it anyway, in the vain hope it was late. Turns out today was his lucky day. The bus was just pulling away and he was able to tap on the side and get the driver to stop. But there were no seats. He sat on the floor miserable and cold while others trod on him to get on and off.

By the time he’d reached his stop he’d dried off a little. He looked down as his dirty and bloodied shirt and side. His pants were also torn, and his hands scraped. He was just glad he’d left his favorite coat at home today in their hurry to get out of the door. Ellen would not be pleased if he turned up like this, she was very strict, but he needed the money, so he would just have to risk it.

Thankfully she wasn’t in when Cas stepped into the bar and signed in, washing his hands in the kitchen sink and using and apron to cover up the worst of the damage.

“What the hell happened to you?” Jo asked with an amused raised eyebrow as she deposited a load of empty dirty glasses by the sink and Cas started washing them up immediately.

“Bad day.” Castiel said simply.

“Uh huh.” Was all Jo responded with as she went back out to the bar to take orders.

Ash worked the grill with his headphones in, humming to the music. As usual he probably didn’t even know Cas was there right now, but that’s the way Cas preferred it. Ash was a cool guy, any time he and Jo were alone in the kitchen they were just howling with laughter. But he never talked to Cas. Jo didn’t really either, only to be polite. Castiel didn’t encourage it anyway, everyone was better off if Castiel kept to himself. He just got on, washing the dishes and cleaning in the kitchen, grabbing the odd snack out of the fridge with a guilty conscience. He hated stealing, but he was so hungry today that he thought he might faint and the odd chicken drumstick missing wouldn’t hurt anyone. They threw out so much at the end of each day he was sure it wouldn’t be missed, and he never took a lot.

“Steve.” A stern voice calm from behind him. Castiel straightened up and looked Ellen in the eye. “You can’t come in to work dressed like that. Look at you you’re a mess.”

“I’m sorry Ellen… I…” Castiel never used his real name. It was too much of a risk. If someone found out that his home situation was as bad as it was, he had no idea what would happen to Alfie and Anna. It was unlikely the courts would give Naomi custody after the last trial, they would probably end up in care. He couldn’t let that happen to them. So, he was Steve.

“You been in a fight boy?” She asked seeing his hands and the scrape on his nose, anger in her eyes burning into him.

“No Ellen, I fell.”

“And ripped your pant leg?”

“Yes.” Castiel nodded sadly.

“Well, get some new ones before you come into work next time and you stay behind the bar tonight, can’t have you waiting tables looking like that.”

“Of course, Ellen. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, don’t do it again.”

……....

Castiel was late back from his break. Anna wouldn’t go to sleep desperate to play hide and seek. Cas had obliged her for a little while, but then Alfie had been hungry, so he ran out to the shop with all two dollars he had and made them both some spaghetti. Dad was gone again. Probably in a bar, but what all this meant was that he was now on a warning from Ellen and all the cash he made on this shift would be going to be spent of replacing his torn slacks if he couldn’t repair them.

He was stood behind the bar checking stock when a surly short man walked in and Ellen’s face lit up.

“Bobby, how you doing?” She grinned and hugged him.

“Not bad Ellen. Yourself?”

“I’m good. Not seen you round here for a while.”

“Yeah well been busy looking after those boys.”

“Sam and Dean, how are they?” Castiel’s head perked up. Sam’s brother was called Dean and they had a friend called Bobby, could this be him?

“They’re great, kicked me out the house tonight, having some sort of party.”

“Oh yeah?” Ellen grinned while polishing a glass.

“Yeah. Not much of a party if you ask me, they were all moping about their friend running off at lunch.” Castiel gulped. This was definitely Sam’s Bobby and they’d been talking about him.

“Huh, do I know this friend?”

“No, I haven’t met him either, he’s never been round, doesn’t seem to hang around with anyone much from what I gather.”

“Sounds like a recluse.”

“More likely a stuck up prissy SOB if you ask me. You know Naomi Novak?”

Castiel’s heart sank a little.

“That shark lawyer bitch from Beverly hills whose ex moved here?”

“Yeah, it’s her son. Castiel.”

Castiel kept his head down, desperately trying to appear as if he wasn’t listening.

“Stupid name. Why do parents do that to their kids?”

“I don’t know and I haven’t met the kid. But Sam’s worried and he usually has a knack for that sort of thing.”

“That’ll be the lawyer in him. People skills our Sam has got.”

“Too true.” Bobby said proudly.

“Steve!”

Cas looked up sheepishly.

“How many times you going to count them peanuts? What is with you today?” Ellen barked.

“Sorry Ellen.” Castiel rushed back into the kitchen with the stock take sheet as Bobby turned to Ellen.

“You really got that kid shook.” Bobby smirked.

“He’s usually a damn good worker, quiet, never complains, just some days he’s a real clumsy fool.”

“And you think you’re going to scare that out of him?” Bobby asked, skeptically.

“Well maybe. But I can’t afford to baby my staff Bobby.”

………………..

Cas got home at 4am. His alarm would be going off in less than two hours. He checked on the twins who were thankfully sound asleep. He was about to get into bed himself, which was currently a duvet and pillow on the floor, since the only other bed was his Dad’s and the man also claimed the couch whenever he was home, when he heard a rattle at the front door.

Somebody was fumbling with a key in the lock which could only mean one thing. Lucifer was bringing Dad home.

Cas started panting and curled up in a ball. He pretended to be asleep, to even his breathing as he heard Lucifer struggle with his Dad and dumped him on the couch not a few feet away from where he was laid.

“Get up you germ I know you’re not asleep.” Lucifer gave Castiel a swift kick to the gut which sent fresh wave of pain coursing through him as his ribs screamed. He got to his feet shakily, as quickly as he could.

“Get me a beer and a sandwich.”

Cas gulped. “I’m sorry, but… we don’t have any food in right now.”

“Go to the shop then.” His Uncle barked angrily.

“I haven’t any money...” Cas said, knowing what would come next.

“You want money from me you disgusting faggot. How dare you?” The first hit came and although he expected it Lucifer was strong, and he hit hard. Cas yelped, trying to muffle his cries so as not to wake the twins as he was beat into the floor for the second time today. It wasn’t long before everything went black. Again, He knew what was coming next.

When he woke up he was pinned down into something soft, the cool air of the apartment prickled at his naked skin. Not again. He swallowed as he realized there was shooting pain in a whole new place and something was rocking him rhythmically down into the mattress. As the grogginess gave way to pain Cas whimpered and chocked back a sob as the flapping of a ball sack against his ass grew louder and faster. Two hot, sweaty hands pressed into his fragile hips, fingers clawing into the tender flesh and undoubtedly leaving bruises. He tried to get up, to throw his Uncle off him, but his hands were tied. He was helpless again. The pain grew stronger and grunts from above him followed. It wasn’t long before he felt a sticky warmth flooding his insides making his belly swell a little. Then Lucifer pulled out and he was left feeling cold and empty as his Uncle’s cum leaked from his battered hole and onto the bedsheets.

“Here’s your money you whore.” A handful of notes floated onto his stomach, maybe only $50, $70 if he was lucky, but it would see them through for a while. He hands were yanked out of the ropes holding him to the bed and with that his Uncle was gone.

He passed out a few minutes later, sobs wracking his aching body.

He’d been wrong this morning. Today had been an awful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way and I hope this will mean more people will comment as posting this series again, especially the first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.
> 
> I know that commenting on works like this that cover these subjects isn't something that everyone feels comfortable with, but if you feel you can, one line, hell even a few words in that box below takes seconds and would make my day.


	3. Chapter 3

“Alfie.” Cas wheezed. “Come on, your sister is already dressed.”

Cas did his best to hide the pain from his face and the desperation in his voice, while his little brother turned over sulkily pulling up the covers and trying to hide from the light.

“Please Alfie, don’t make me late.” He pleaded.

It was unlike Alfie to be obstinate and today of all days he was choosing to be absolutely impossible and Cas was in too much pain to deal with it today.

“Alfie!” He said sternly.

“Go away, I want to sleep!”

Cas growled in annoyance and picked up his baby brother lifting him out of the bed despite the searing pain it caused him. Alfie started screaming and kicking in protest and one of his feet collided with Castiel’s chest.

Cas couldn’t help it. He howled in pain and somehow managed not to drop the toddler in his arms, putting him down roughly on the floor. He folded into himself and bit hard on his cheek until the pain subsided. He felt a little hand tapping on his shoulder and looked up at his baby brother who was now looking at him with big fearful eyes.

“Castiel are you ok? I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Alfie, just please go get dressed.” He said a little harshly. Voice hoarse from coughing.

Cas straightened himself up wiping away the water from his eyes and ignoring the taste of blood in his mouth from where he’d bitten the delicate skin. There was no way he was going to make it in time now if they walked. But he supposed he had money from last night, they could take the bus from around the corner all the way to school, but it would mean that he wouldn’t be able to get any new pants for work.

He shrugged on his old torn jeans, he would sew his pants up tonight and hope that he could do a good enough job for Ellen not to notice. Thankfully torn Jeans were back in fashion, though it didn’t stop the sideways glances he got from the other parents as he dropped off the kids. He realized why when he caught in his reflection in a car window. He was an absolute mess; his already untamable hair was stuck up at all angles and despite his efforts to get the blood stains out of his shirt there were still dirty brown marks. He looked like a tramp and he hadn’t showered; he’d just managed a quick wash in the sink despite his desperation to rid himself of the feeling of Lucifer, so he probably smelt like one too.

“Are you sure you are ok Castiel?” Alfie asked tearfully. “I’m really sorry I kicked you and I wouldn’t get up.” He whined.

“It’s ok little one. Let’s just not do it again, ok?”

“I promise I’ll never do it again. I’m so sorry.”

“Its ok Alfie. No harm done.” Cas lied with a smile. “Have a good day you two.”

College went smoothly as could be hoped, but he was getting behind with his work now that the semester was really picking up in pace. He had hoped to get some more work done before his shift, but it had taken him the best part of the hour he had to sew up his pants. At least he’d done a good job, he just hoped Ellen wouldn’t notice. He’d fed the twins and finally got a decent meal himself. It must have been nearly a week and he noticed the difference immediately; the dizziness and constant ache of his stomach was relieved a little and despite the pain in his ribs and his ass he took a cold shower and went to work in good spirits.

…...

Ellen didn’t notice, or if she did, she didn’t say anything. He was also able to cover up the blood stains with the apron that day and managed to get them out on the third wash that night. It meant he’d had next to no sleep, but the weekend finally came and if he was lucky that meant he could catch up a little.

He hadn’t seen his ‘friends’ at college since he’d run off and having heard that man Bobby in the bar the other night, he felt guilty for making them worried. It was better for everyone if he avoided people in future, they were a great bunch, but he didn’t have time for friends and he knew they were only pretending to be nice to him. He’d learnt from experience that that’s what people did.

Weekends were no less stressful. He gave himself Saturday mornings work free and took the twins to the playpark while he caught up on his college work. There was a lot this week and he didn’t even get a quarter of the way through before it was time for his shift.

He took the twins to the one person he could always rely on. Donna, was an old friend of his fathers and she ran a day care, he would drop off Alfie and Anna and she was happy to look after them for free. She had no idea what state they were really in, she just knew that Jimmy was a writer and that a lot of the time that meant not much money was coming in. Besides, she was like an Aunt to the twins and loved to spend time with them. The twins loved it too.

“Aunty Donna!” Anna squealed as the door opened.

“Hey kiddo, how are you?”

“I did all the monkey bars by myself today!”

“You did?”

“Yeah, she was quite the little gymnast.” Cas smiled and ran his fingers through her hair.

“Can I go to gymnastics classes Cassie?” Anna asked with big round eyes. “My friend Taylor does, she says it really good fun and she can do all sorts of things.”

“We’ll see honey.” Cas smiled. Gymnastic classes sounded expensive. He would give anything for the two of them to have afterschool clubs like any normal kid and if he had the money it would give him a few extra hours to do his college work, or maybe pick up another shift before he had to pick them up.

“You’re quiet today Alfie.” Donna noticed.

“Just sleepy.” He yawned.

“Did someone let you stay up late?” Donna raised her eyebrows.

“Someone wanted his bedtime story reading to him three times before he’d settle down.” Cas rolled his eyes and grinned. “Anyway, got to go, don’t want to be late.”

“Can we stay at Aunty Donna’s again tonight for a sleep over?” Anna said and Cas grinned. They asked this almost every week and it was great when Donna said yes. It meant he could work all the way to the morning, get some college work done, a good night’s sleep and work all the way through till he picked them up on Sunday evening.

“If Donna says its ok, then its fine with me.”

“I guess we’ll be seeing you Sunday Castiel.” She smiled and Cas returned it.

……………………

“Steve, why are you on your phone?” Ellen barked.

“Ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Cas finished his call and looked at Ellen warily. “I’m sorry Ellen, I really am, but my little brother is sick. I have to go and get him from day care.”

“Cas, can’t you parents get him, we really need you, it’s the Saturday rush.”

“I’m really, really sorry Ellen, but they aren’t around today.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

Ellen huffed. “Fine but I aint paying ya.”

“Of course, thank you Ellen I really appreciate it.”

Cas dashed out of the bar, mind whirring with worry for his little brother and he hit something hard.

“Shit.”

“I think you mean sorry, Fag.” Alistair growled and grabbed Castiel by the shirt, but Castiel pulled away, hard. Alistair was forced to let go and Castiel wasted no time breaking into a sprint. He heard the pounding of the football team chasing hard after him and his ribs screaming at the heavy breathing. But if there was one thing that Castiel could do, it was run away, fast. He couldn’t let them catch him, he couldn’t take another beating. He certainly couldn’t end up in hospital, social services might find out and then they’d take Alfie and Anna into care, or even worse, back to Mum. That thought made the panic rise in his chest and suddenly his legs seemed to push a little harder.

He ran for what seemed like forever, before he realized he’d lost them. He collapsed in a heap, gasping for air with painful rattling breaths. He sighed and sat for a while. He was only round the corner from Donna’s house, so at least the run had been in the right direction.

……..

“Hey Donna. Is he ok?”

“What happened to you?” Donna asked concerned, pulling at his shirt where Castiel noticed there was now a large tear from where Alistair had grabbed him. He sighed sadly, realizing that now he would have to find the money for a new one out of somewhere.

“Had an argument with a bush.” He said simply. Donna looked skeptical but said nothing.

“He has a fever, 101.3, it’s not too bad. Take him back to your Dad he’ll know what to do. Apparently, you got sick a lot at this age.”

Castiel smiled. “Ok Donna, thank you.” Castiel hoisted a miserable looking Alfie onto his shoulder and petted his hair lightly. It made his ribs ache badly, but his little brother couldn’t walk right now so he had no choice. The fact he could lift his brother at all told him they probably weren’t as bad as he thought they’d been, so maybe they’d heal up before long.

“Come on Anna, sweetie. Don’t keep Castiel waiting.”

“Can’t I stay? I’m not sick.” She asked pulling out the puppy dog eyes and who the hell taught her to do that?

“No sorry Anna, not today come on, let’s get home.” Anna was disappointed but didn’t say anything and Cas was really grateful, because he couldn’t deal with a tantrum right now.

……………….

Dad was at home by some miracle, but it would have taken another miracle to wake him up from his drunken stupor and Castiel really hadn’t the energy. He found the right medicine to buy at the pharmacy and a thermometer and by the end of the afternoon he was confident that Alfie was on the mend.

He sat down and looked at his shirt. Why did medicine have to be so expensive? They were now out of Lucifer’s money and pay day wasn’t until tomorrow. He certainly hadn’t any money for a new shirt now, but he needed to go back to work. He sat down to start sewing when he realized he’d run out of white thread and hit his head hard on the table in frustration. He only had black thread left on a white dress shirt. Ellen was going to be mad. She took huge pride in having her staff well turned out, despite the fact the roadhouse was hardly 5-star dining and she didn’t tolerate people being scruffy. But he had no choice and he’d just have to face the consequences.

……………………..

“Nice of you to show up.” Ellen bit harshly as Cas came back through the door at 5pm.

“Sorry, I couldn’t leave them alone in the house, I had to wait for Dad to get back from work.” He lied again. He hated lying, but he knew it was for the best.

“What does your Dad do Steve?” Ellen asked, a little less harshly. “You never talk much about your family.”

“Err Lumberjack.” Cas threw out there. Lumberjack? Seriously? It had been the first thing that had popped into his head. He was going to have to start writing all these lies down before he slipped himself up.

“Hard work that.”

“Yeah. It is.”

Ellen glared at the black thread that flashed before Cas could get his apron on.

“Get a new one or get that properly fixed. It’ll have to do for today.”

“Yes Ellen. I’m really sorry, I didn’t have time to…”

“Don’t want to hear them excuses, just don’t let it happen again.”

………………..

“Happy Birthday Dean!” Ellen greeted warmly. “Bringing him out for his first drink Bobby?”

“First legal drink.” Bobby scoffed. “Certainly not this Idjit’s first.” He cuffed the young man around the back of the head.

“Well blame Dad, not me.”

“John not here?”

“Dad’s working.” Dean said sadly, but all thought of that was forgotten when he saw those eyes.

There was a guy working in the kitchen, with his back turned to him and he copped a glance the moment he walked in. Dean didn’t keep the fact he was bi quiet, he mainly went for the chicks, but he’d done a few blokes and that ass was certainly something he could appreciate. The guy turned around a little and he caught the profile of his face and that messy black bed head and he liked what he saw.

“Steve.” The guy turned to look at Ellen and Dean got lost in the striking blue eyes instantly. They must have been the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. It took everything he had not to let his jaw drop to the floor. He tried to pull his gaze away from the hypnotic eyes to take in the rest of him. His face was gorgeous, but the skin under his eyes was dark with fatigue and he looked a little too pale to be healthy. He had broad shoulders, and a strong back, but he was very lean. A little too lean. Dean’s attraction turned a little into concern, but he was quickly snapped out of his thoughts.

“Grab a pad, you’re serving for an hour.” Ellen instructed, and Cas nodded.

“See something you like?” Jo asked with a smirk, glancing from Dean to Steve.

“Maybe I do.” Dean smirked.

“Well at least you’ve stopped hitting on me.”

“I’m giving you space to realize the mistake you’ve made.” Dean winked.

“You’ll be waiting a long time then.”

“I could wait forever for you.” Dean threw back.

“Oh, wow that’s cheesy!” And the pair of them burst into laughter, but Dean’s eyes drifted out to ‘Steve’ again as he started waiting tables. Steve? Really? That name didn’t suit him in the slightest. The guy looked like he’d been sculpted by angels. Or maybe he was an angel. Yeah, Dean liked that one better.

“Hey,” Ellen snapped her fingers dragging Dean’s attention. “Quit ogling my staff. He’s off at closing if you want to try your luck.”

“Give me a hint. Does he swing my way?”

“No idea Hun. But the boy is definitely in need of some fun.”

Dean smiled. He could definitely manage that. But now he had the challenge of not getting too drunk before closing and he had to convince Bobby to stay of course. Although now the older man had started talking to Ellen he was pretty sure they would be in no hurry to leave. Bobby definitely had an eye for her, he just wished the pair of them would get their act together and find some happiness.

…………………………

Castiel could feel the green eyes watching him. It wasn’t subtle either. He’d caught the flash of a beautiful freckled face, but he hadn’t let himself look. He was at work and although he’d felt his heart flutter with the unexpected interest, he couldn’t be doing stuff like that. For a start, he didn’t want it out there that he was gay, nor did he have time for a relationship with everything and then worst of all there was Lucifer. Just the thought of that made his eyes prick with tears and his skin crawl in disgust. Nobody would want him after what his uncle had done. He approached the next table, trying hard not to gag as the memories forced their way to the surface.

“Woah, I’m not having you touch my food I want another server!” The woman yelled across the bar when Castiel came to take her order.

“Ermm... Mam, I’m sorry I’m the only server on tonight.”

“Get me the manager.”

“Mam…”

She snapped her fingers. “Get me the manager. Now!”

“Hello Bella, what seems to be the problem?” Ellen said to the brunette sat at table nearest the bar with a fake smile. She hated the woman, but she was her best customer and she couldn’t afford to lose her. She ushered Cas away into the kitchen, everyone in the bar staring at him.

“You can’t be seriously paying that homeless addict to serve our food. We’ll probably catch something off him.”

“Bella, I assure you…”

“Just look at him Ellen, he’s on drugs, you can see it. Get rid of him.”

Ellen bit her cheek. It was her instinct to defend her staff, but there was no point arguing with Bella.

“I’ll serve you today Bella, you don’t need to worry. Now what can I get for you?”

……………………….

“Steve. A Word.”

Cas bowed his head and followed Ellen out into the back alley.

“I told you to get some new ones, not do a shoddy repair.” She pointed at the badly repaired pant leg. “And what makes you think you can come to work in this state? Your shirt is filthy.”

Cas glanced down, he thought he’d got the stain out, but now he looked they were still there, just very faint, barely even noticeable. Apparently, Ellen had noticed though. “It’s clean, it’s just stained.” Castiel protested, but quickly shut his mouth.

“I don’t care Steve. It’s not good enough go home for the night and sort yourself out or I’m going to have to let you go.” She said sternly. “And I really don’t want to do that Steve.”

“It’s ok Ellen. You’ve been good to me and I appreciate it, so I’ll save you the trouble.” Castiel took off his apron and started folding it. He knew he wouldn’t have enough money to get a new shirt and pants for a good while yet, not unless he took the money from the twin’s birthday he kept under the floorboards. The twin’s birthday, wasn’t for 4 months yet, but with the amount of spare money he had he would be lucky to save them enough for a comic book each. He couldn’t take that money out of their fund, he would never do that to them. He would just have to find another job.

“You’re quitting?” Ellen asked taken aback.

“Yes. I think it’s for the best.”

“Now hang on a minute Steve…”

“No Ellen, I’ve made up my mind. Thank you for everything.”

“Well at least hang around and wait for your pay before you go.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Just take the money Steve.” Ellen said firmly and Castiel nodded.

……………………….

Jo walked into the kitchen having been outside to get some more cans of soda from the store room just as Ellen pulled Cas outside.

“What’s going on?” She asked Ash pulling the headphone out of his ear.

“Bella’s being a bitch and Steve turned up looking a mess again.” Ash said bluntly.

Jo frowned and went back out to tend the bar.

“I think your mother is giving him a piece of her mind.” Bobby called through from the bar and Jo came through to see them.

“Poor kid.” Dean chuckled. “And I kinda liked him.”

“We noticed Dean.” Bobby elbowed him.

Jo sighed. “I really hope she doesn’t sack him.”

“I didn’t get the chance.” Ellen said in a huff, walking back in.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“Kid just quit. Said it was for the best.”

“Huh.” Bobby grunted.

“That’s weird.”

“Yeah, I was hoping I could keep him around. Damn boy looks like he hasn’t eaten in weeks and he’s quiet, shifty, comes in beat up half the time.”

“Well I wouldn’t have stayed if I were him.” Jo scoffed.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ellen glared.

“You are on at him all the time!”

“I was trying to get him to stick up for himself. Talk a bit more. Figured he’d snap and spill his guts eventually.”

“Not everyone responds to tuff love Mum. Some people just think you hate them and that they will never be good enough to please you.”

Jo stormed off, throwing down her apron and Ellen watched her leave, eyes haunted with heartbreak and realization.

“You ok Ellen?” Dean asked tentatively.

“Yeah, Yeah fine.” She snapped. She would be talking to her daughter. She could never bear to lose Jo.

…………………………………….

Cas was shaking with worry as he left the bar. He now had no job. That meant no money coming in and the rent was due in a few days. Ellen had given him his wages up till today, but he was still short nearly a $100. He would get a new job, but he doubted he would find one before the rent was due. He sat outside their front door, with his head in his hands.

“Why did I quit!” He cursed himself. But he knew why. He wasn’t being fair on Ellen, she was good to him and he kept letting her down. Hopefully the next place he worked would have a uniform. That would make things much easier.

He went inside and rifled around in the couch till he found his Dad’s cell. Thankfully it had charge and he flicked through the contacts list. Maybe his brothers would help him, it had been a very long time since he’d seen them. He hadn’t heard anything from them for years. They’d kept in touch for the first few months after they had left home, but soon they had been too busy to keep in contact. He doubted they even knew that Mum and Dad had split up. They didn’t even know he was gay.

When the person on the other end of the phone there was the sound of loud distorted music and many voices all seemingly yelling at each other.

“Balthazar?”

There was a pause for a moment as they awful music continued, and Castiel considered hanging up.

“Cassie! Why do you have dad’s phone?” The over enthusiastic and very loud voice of his brother made him jerk away from the phone a little.

“I don’t have a phone.”

“I remember you having a phone?” That was a British accent, since when had Balthazar had a British accent? Then again, Zar would do anything to get laid. He was nothing like his brothers. He’d never been kissed, never loved… Raped by his uncle yes. He knew that because of that he was ruined, spoiled even, no one would ever want him now. Not that anyone would want someone with his preferences. He still had it in the back of his mind that maybe if he found a girl and got married that he could pass off how he felt as a phase and his family would go back to how it was.

“Yes, I _had_ a phone, but I had to give it to you when you broke yours.”

“You didn’t have to, you offered.”

“Yes, it’s not like I used it anyway.”

“No, it isn’t you little nerd. And you never got a new one?”

“No.”

“Right. Well nice to hear from you and all but I’m a little busy with a lovely lady called Vanessa…”

“I really wouldn’t bother you Zar, but I _really_ need your help…”

“Not now Cassie, I’m having far too much fun to care about your problems right now and don’t bother calling Gabriel, he’s rather preoccupied with a very beautiful and classy Lady. Kali I believe. He’s been chasing her for months so don’t go interrupting him now.”

“Ok. Sorry I bothered you.” Castiel said sadly, his whole world crumbling. It only left him one choice.

“Goodbye Cassie. Give my love to Alfie and Anna.”

The line went dead.

So, now he knew where he stood with his brothers. He didn’t really know what he’d expected, it had been a very long time since he had seen them, but he’d thought they’d cared about him back then. Maybe they had, maybe they hadn’t, the simple fact was they had their own lives now and he wasn’t a part of that. Why should they care anyway? He didn’t matter, he knew that much. He tried to bite back the tears as he realized how alone he really was, how much he’d lost. This was all his fault. He’d had everything he could have ever wanted, a beautiful house, money, a loving mother and father. Now he lived in a dump, barely had a dollar to his name and every day was a fight. He’d torn his family apart, ruined his Dad’s life and ruined Alfie and Anna’s lives too. He was responsible for the drunken, half dead, depressed mess that was his dad. He was the reason Alfie and Anna couldn’t have a birthday party at the Winchester Mystery house like all their friends were having… Or a birthday party at all for that matter.

It was all his fault and he needed to pay for that and for the rent. Turns out he could do both of those things at once. That only left one other person he could contact. They needed the money desperately and there was only one way he could think of to get it.

He shivered in fear at the thought of what he was about to do, swallowing back the tears as he scrolled through the contacts list again.

But he could do this for them. He had already given his life to them the day they had been born, the day he had become a big brother. He knew he would do anything to keep them safe, to keep them happy and that was what he was going to have to do. Anything. The twins had been his purpose in life from the moment he ruined his family. He’d given himself to them, to correcting his mistake. He belonged to them and this is what they needed him to do right now. So, he had to grow up and do it.

Castiel shook his head as he looked back at the phone. This was going to be humiliating enough as it was without him crying through it. He pressed dial and composed himself.

“What!” The angry voice answered at the other end.

“Lucifer…” Cas said simply, swallowing down his apprehension.

“Castiel?” The voice said intrigued and it made Cas feel sick. “What could you possibly want?”

Castiel could almost hear the man grinning on the other end of the phone but he held his nerve.

“I lost my job. I need money for rent.”

“You are asking me for money.” Lucifer laughed. “And how may I ask would you repay me?”

Cas gulped and squeezed his eyes shut. He had no choice. “Anything you want.”

“Anything?” Lucifer sounded shocked.

“Anything.” Cas confirmed firmly.

“And will we be making this a regular arrangement?” Lucifer asked hopefully.

“We’ll see.” Cas gulped. He wanted to say no, but had no idea how long he’d be without a job or if he would ever need to ask for help again in the future.

“Well I’ll be around in half an hour.”

The phone went dead abruptly for the second time in 10 minutes and all Cas could do was wait.

And the waiting was the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH Poor Cas. I feel horrid writing this. I think the only reason I can is because I know that there will be a happy ending, not in this fic, but this series I promise will hae a happy ending.
> 
> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way and I hope this will mean more people will comment as posting this series again, especially the first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely graphic I'm afraid, so if you need to skip do.  
> Warnings for dubcon, violence and self harm.

He made sure the twins were fast asleep and their door was closed. He considered changing his clothes in case they got ripped if Lucifer was rough, but he realized it hardly mattered any more, it’s not like Ellen cared now.

So, he sat down on the sofa and held his head in his hands between glances at the clock as the thoughts ran out of control through his head.

It was nearly an hour before the front door opened. Castiel was just about ready to explode.

“Stand up.” Lucifer didn’t waste any time and Castiel just did what he said. Lucifer took a deep breath and looked Castiel up and down with hungry eyes. Castiel looked away in shame and disgust. He knew he’d asked for this, but he was scared. He didn’t want to do this. He cried internally, but the voices told him he had too, that he had to for Alfie and Anna, or they’d be living on the street.

Lucifer grabbed his face roughly and forced him to look back into the eyes of his uncle. He stroked Cas’ jaw with his thumb, brushing over the short stubble as his stomach turned at the touch. He should never have quit at Ellen’s and it wouldn’t be fair to go back and beg for his job now. Every fiber was telling him to run, to get as far away from this situation as possible, but it was too late for any of that now.

“I knew you'd call eventually.” Lucifer hummed as he let go of Castiel’s face and started to stalk around him in a slow circle. Castiel could feel violating eyes, inspecting every inch of him and he squeezed his blue orbs shut, taking deep breaths to quell the panic that was threatening to suffocate him.

“I could tell you were a little slut, that you enjoyed what I did to you.” Lucifer’s hand roamed the back of Castiel's jeans, groping at his ass through the fabric and making Cas flinch in surprise. Lucifer had never been like this before, he'd always just woken up being fucked bloody into the bed without touch or foreplay and certainly no tenderness. And somehow this was actually worse. He just wanted this over with.

“Despite how much of a failure my brother is at life, he didn't half make me a pretty toy to fuck.”

Castiel just shivered as Lucifer’s hand reached around his pelvis front and cupped his groin, stroking through the fabric at his soft member. Castiel wasn't hard. Not in the slightest and he prayed to God his body wouldn't betray him before this was over. Then he remembered that God despised him.

“Now this is how it's going to work.” Lucifer announced, taking his hands away and moving to stand facing his nephew. “I'm paying you good money, this means I expect you to do everything I say. I own you Castiel. Understand that. You are mine to do with as I please. If you behave you will be well rewarded.”

Cas was stood so stiffly he thought he might have frozen like that. Lucifer chuckled at the sight.

“Oh, you were so brave on the phone little Cassie, but I can tell you are scared. You don't need to be, I'll take good care of you as long as you take good care of me.”

Lucifer stared at him for a moment. “Do you understand?”

Cas nodded sharply.

“Use your words.” Lucifer demanded, but there wasn’t yet any harshness in his tone.

“Yes.” Castiel croaked, voice rough with fear.

“Yes sir.” Lucifer instructed patiently. He knew he would have to teach his virgin nephew what he wanted. Although Castiel wasn’t a virgin anymore, Lucifer had taken that from him many years before, he doubted Castiel had ever been with anyone else and all Lucifer had ever done was take him in the ass.

Cas bit his lip. This was humiliating on another level, but he had no choice and he did as he was told. “Yes sir.” He muttered.

“Good. Now take off your clothes.”

Cas eyes widened and he hesitated a little, but his uncle’s stern and expectant watch forced him into action. He reached up to his shirt with shaking fingers. Lucifer’s eyes were focused on him like lasers, watching his every move. He undid his buttons, torn between moving slowly in his reluctance to do this at all and tearing the damn thing off to get it over with. Whatever he was doing lucifer seemed to be enjoying it. His eyes were hungry and bright, tongue darting to his lips as Cas shrugged off the fabric to reveal his bare torso.

Cas received an eager nod as instruction to continue. So, he moved onto undoing his belt, unzipping his fly before letting his pants fall to the floor. He stepped out of them and then nervously kicked them away before standing still, not wanting to go any further.

“Come on Castiel no time to get shy. I've seen it all before you know.” He said teasingly, eyes focused on an area Castiel would rather not think about right now. He wished Lucifer would do it himself, just drag him to the bedroom and tear his clothes off, not make him stand here and put himself on display. He felt more violated than he did when he came around to feel Lucifer already inside him. His desperation was being used against him, he was completely at Lucifer’s mercy and his uncle knew it; Lucifer was loving it.

He considered turning away as he slid down his boxers to conceal his most intimate areas, but he knew it would make no difference to his Uncle other than to potentially anger him and he knew from experience how much of a bad idea that was. So, he stayed facing him and just stood there, exposed and vulnerable, waiting for Lucifer to speak.

Lucifer took his time taking in the sight in front of him. Apparently, it pleased him as Castiel noticed the bulge growing in his Uncle’s pants. This was wrong. This was so utterly wrong, it made him want to scream for help. But he couldn't. This was for the twins. So, he told himself that over and over again. For Alfie. For Anna.

“Puberty treated you well nephew.” Lucifer growled in arousal like he was seeing Cas’ naked body for the first time. “You were such a scrawny thing as a child. But now, so muscular and lean.” He hummed, stepping forward and ran his hands over Castiel's hip bones, inhaling hungrily.

“So lean.” He repeated, raising an eyebrow in approval. “Maybe too lean for your own good, but I prefer you on the fragile side.”

Cas nearly scoffed in disgust. Of course, he did. Heaven forbid Cas fight back, that’s why Lucifer always near as damn it bashed his skull in first.

Lucifer’s hands trailed lower, tugging at the dark trail of hair that ran down below Cas’ belly button and continued. Next, he lifted Cas' soft cock and let it drop and bob a few times as it came to rest between his legs. Cas screwed his eyes shut again, swallowing down bile as Lucifer prodded at his testicles.

“Shame to waste a nice cock like this on a fag like you.” He growled. “But enough play. Get in the bedroom.”

Cas walked slowly, trying to hold his composure, he entered the room, Lucifer shutting the door behind them quietly.

“Hands and knees on the bed.” Cas did as he was told and soon he felt his face and back being forced down into the mattress and his ass was pulled upwards. He realized what he was being asked to do and complied but didn’t aid his uncle as he was manipulated so his ass was presented.

“This is so much better Castiel. I mean you were useful before when you were unconscious, but I love it when you submit to me. Such a good little slut.”

Cas pressed his face down into the mattress to conceal a sob. Perhaps if he pressed down for long enough he'd suffocate, and this would end. But he couldn't do that to Alfie and Anna, they’d die without him. He'd just have to bear it.

“This is how I want you in future when I get here. Unless I tell you otherwise. Understand?”

“Yes sir.” Cas mumbled into the duvet.

“Very good.” Lucifer praised him in a surprised tone. “Because you've been so good I'll open you up slowly and I even brought lube.”

Cas yelped in surprise as a slicked-up finger pressed against his rim and pushed in without warning. If this was Lucifer’s idea of gentle, then he was very glad he always been unconscious before when Lucifer began. The burn brought tears to his eyes as a second finger was pushed in after only a minute of pumping and hooking. The scissoring started almost straight away. Cas had a high pain tolerance, but this was now far beyond uncomfortable, especially considering he was still raw from the last time. Then the fingers started hooking as if they were searching for something. What the hell was he doing...

Cas gasped and couldn't hold back the ragged moan that suddenly escaped him as the surprising sensation overwhelmed him. Despite the pain and the fear and the disgust rolling through him blood shot to his dick and he felt it twitch and harden.

“That's it slut moan for me.”

He brushed the spot again and Cas bit his tongue as his dick grew harder and he started to pant involuntarily.

Lucifer leaned forward and whispered into his ear in a hiss not unlike the snake he was. “Let me hear you slut.” He bit Cas’ ear harshly and all Cas could muster was a whimper of pain and embarrassment as the finger filling him brushed the spot again, but it seemed to be enough for Lucifer.

Cas whimpered again as he was stretched further open by a third of his Uncle’s fingers, but Lucifer was growing impatient with the process.

He heard the click of a bottle lid as the fingers pulled out suddenly, lacing him with pain again. He bit into the duvet as he felt lucifer grab his ass hard and pull his cheeks apart. Then a knee was kicking at his thighs, forcing his legs apart, wide, and his ass was pulled higher. The hands returned to his cheeks as he felt something wet and warm slide between them and line up with his rim.

The pressure increased sharply, and Cas cried out at the intense burn he felt as Lucifer slid into him in one fast movement and it was agony. The culprit groaned in pleasure hearing Cas’ cry of pain.

Suddenly Cas felt a hand cross under his chest holding him, he realized that even in this position his body was threatening to collapse on him, but the arm wouldn’t allow him. A second hand grabbed his wrist and snatched it downwards, guiding it until he was forced to hold his own member.

“Feel that Castiel? How hard you are for me. You are enjoying this, you little slut.”

Castiel shivered in humiliation. Is that what this meant? Was this his body telling him that he enjoyed this? But he didn’t, he was sure he wasn’t, yet his body still reacted. It was obvious that there was some part of him that enjoyed this, probably the same part that told him that he liked men not women. He was an abomination; his mother had told him that much. His father had been too kind to say it, but it was clear he thought it at the time and even clearer he thought it now considering he now preferred to drink himself into oblivion rather than face his abomination of a child.

Castiel’s hand was moved away and forced palm downs onto his belly which was bulging slightly from the fill of his uncle’s member inside him. It made him gag, but somehow, he concealed it.

“You take me so well. You were made for this Castiel. Made to be my little whore.”

Then Castiel’s hands were pinned back above his head and Lucifer’s hand gripped his buttocks hard as he started to move vigorously. As the repetitive pain came with the slaps of his Uncle’s ball sack against his ass, he closed his eyes. For Alfie and Anna. For Alfie and Anna. For Alfie and Anna.

The pressure in his groin suddenly peaked as Lucifer hit the spot inside him with his thrust. He moaned in surprise, hating himself for it. Lucifer took note and started ramming it again and again, till Castiel was a quivering mess, the moans and whimpers came fast and completely uncontrollably until he couldn’t hold on any longer.

This was not how Castiel imagined having his first orgasm as his release unloaded onto his stomach and on the bed sheets underneath him, the only thing holding him up was the position he was in and the grasp of his uncle’s fingers digging bruises into his hips. It wasn’t long before he could feel himself being pumped full with warm liquid, which his body seemed to be milking from his Uncle’s cock. It disgusted him. He was disgusting.

As he was let go he simply collapsed into the sheets. He hadn’t the strength nor the want to even try and move. Time seemed to go on around him, but he had no idea what was happening, he felt something being thrust into his hand at one point, but he didn’t know or care what was happening.

It must have been several hours before the room came back into focus and Cas realized that he was still naked and freezing cold. There were several bills clenched in his white trembling fist and he put them on the dresser as he headed to the shower. His Uncle’s come had run out of him and down the inside of thigh where it had dried, just like his own release on his stomach. He quickly striped the bed, changing it and shoving everything in the corner before he got under the cold spray of the shower and scrubbed.

He was numb everywhere, his body, his mind, his emotions. All he knew was he wanted to rid of Lucifer’s touch, of the memory of what he’d just allowed his body to be used for. He scrubbed and scrubbed, tearing at his skin with his nails until it drew blood and the pain. The pain was so sweet, so sharp that it grounded him.

He turned off the water and went back into the bedroom, searching for his clothes, before he realized he’d taken them off in the living room. At least he now felt clean, or as clean as he was going to feel, but the cold shower had just made him colder. He pulled back on his pants and boxers, but left his shirt, instead staring down at his arms. He was exhausted and desperate to sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t not with this awful emptiness he felt. He thought back to the shower and how the pain had made him feel. He went to the kitchen and found a small blunt knife. He stayed away from his forearms and made sure not to press too hard, he didn’t want to die so he knew he had to be careful. Well, he did want to die, but he couldn’t be that selfish, not when he had the twins relying on him.

He made a number of small shallow cuts and it helped calm him a little, the pain giving him a focus other than the events of that night, but he needed a reminder of what he’d done, what he was.

He wrapped his arms in tissue from the table, covering over the word slut he’d carved into his bicep, then pulled on his shirt and trench coat. He’d had a jacket too once, he had no idea where he’d lost that along the way and what he’d give for its warmth right now. He curled up tightly on the sofa, shivering and let the darkness take him.

………

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a bit of happiness for you all. Think this chapter is a fairly safe, trigger free one.

Castiel woke up to something tugging at his coat and the pain in his ass reminded him of everything that had happened. He didn’t want to open his eyes, he just wanted to crawl back into the comfort that was un-consciousness but a little voice snapped him out of it.

“Cassie, are you ok?”

Castiel blinked his eyes open. He was not ok. He was cold, he felt sick, everything ached and he was just so done with life.

“I’m fine Anna, what do you want?” He mustered a smile for his darling little sister.

“Me and Alfie are hungry and there wasn’t anything left to eat that didn’t need cooking.”

Castiel pulled himself very carefully into a sitting position and was careful to conceal his wince of pain. He was going to need antiseptic wipes, the last thing he needed was an infection after all that.

“What time is it?” He asked realizing it was already very light outside.

“Half past two. In the afternoon.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped. “Oh, Anna I’m so sorry, you both must be starving! You can wake me up any time I sleep in, you don’t have to go hungry sweetie.”

“You didn’t look very well, we didn’t want to wake you up if you were sick. You said people need rest when they’re sick.”

“That’s very nice of you Anna, but I’m not sick. Even if I was, you can wake me up anytime, ok?”

“Ok.” She smiled.

Speaking of sick people, he needed to check that Alfie had slept off his fever. He barely needed to open the door to the twin’s tiny bedroom to see his little brother jumping on the mattress like it was a trampoline.

“Feeling better Alfie?” Castiel smiled weakly.

“No, I’m starving!”

“Ok, Ok, I’m sorting that out now.” Castiel held up his hands wearily.

Cas really didn’t feel like cooking at all, it was taking everything he had not to walk with a limp and as a result he was more shuffling than walking at the moment. Sitting down hurt, standing hurt, lying down wasn’t so bad. In all honesty he wanted to crawl into bed and never wake up, but he couldn’t face going back in the bedroom, not right now. At least Dad hadn’t been around and he’d had the couch rather than the floor to sleep on.

Then he realized he left the money Lucifer had gave him was still in the bedroom and the fridge was practically empty. The twins had obviously found some cereal for breakfast but what milk they hadn’t used they’d spilt on the floor. He sighed and grabbed the cash as quickly as he could, counting out the bills as he thought of the sheets he needed to wash. He’d have to do it in the bathroom sink so the twins wouldn’t see. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

$250. His eyes lit up. He hadn’t expected Lucifer to give him that much. This would cover their rent and hopefully see them through till he got a new job. It nearly made it worthwhile.

“Guy’s get your shoes on, we’re off to the diner.”

There was a loud cheer and the sound of small feet stampeding to the door at that announcement. Cas shoved $150 into his floorboard hiding place as he was herded out the door by the ravenous little monsters the twins seemed to have turned into.

He let the twins have whatever they wanted, even though they were hungry he knew they only had small stomachs so they mostly shared food. It was a nice treat for them, but he was adding up the bill in his head out of habit and guiding them away from unnecessary expense he knew they wouldn’t be able to finish eating. In the end they only spent about $25, which was a lot for two 5-year olds he supposed, but he still had plenty.

Castiel didn’t eat a thing, which concerned the twins who were still convinced he was sick and now Cas was starting to wonder that himself. Just the thought of food made him want to throw up; he probably hadn’t eaten since Friday, he couldn’t quite remember, but regardless he wasn’t hungry in the slightest.

The twins kept trying to feed him some of theirs to try, but Castiel couldn’t even muster the courage to have a glass of water.

On the way back they walked past a thrift store and Anna immediately saw a princess dress she liked, but she didn’t ask for it. She was good like that. He never wanted to make either of them feel like they couldn’t have things, but Anna was particularly clever when it came to noticing stuff, and she’d clearly noticed that they didn’t have enough money for a lot of the things the other children had. Castiel smiled and ventured inside to see the price, perhaps he could get it for her birthday. He stopped short at the men’s clothes. He was long overdue a new wardrobe, or any wardrobe in fact. He picked out a couple of plain t-shirts and pairs of pants that were the cheapest he could find in his size and he saw Alfie digging through a box and ogling at a batman costume in the corner. Well, if he was get something for Anna, he had to get something for Alfie too.

He paid while they were outside rummaging in the box of old toys they had for sale and they left the store $40 poorer, the costumes tucked safely at the bottom of the bag out of sight. He marched them straight home before his weak will made lost them anymore of that money.

As he went to unlock the door, he found it open a crack and pushed Alfie and Anna firmly behind him. He was certain he locked it. He always locked it. Had Lucifer come back already?

“Stay here.” He whispered, pushing them down out of sight. He picked up a heavy chunk of metal lying around outside the house and held it firm as he pushed the door open quickly.

“Hi Son. Woah, you can put that down!” A man Cas barely recognised exclaimed, gesturing at the pipe.

“Dad?” Castiel looked his father up and down. He wasn’t drunk. Nor was he unconscious. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his father sane and sober, it was years.

“Daddy!” Anna and Alfie shouted, wrapping the man in a hug. Castiel frowned. Something was going on, it had to be.

“Hello guys.” Their father said happily.

“Daddy we missed you.” Anna chimed.

“I’ve missed you too pumpkin. Can you two go play in your room while I have a chat with your brother?”

Castiel’s frown deepened as the twins did as they were asked. He stayed by the door, folding his arms and waiting for his father to speak.

“Castiel I’m sorry. I’ve been a terrible, terrible father. Thank you, Thank you for holding this family together, for looking after the twins.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Castiel bit back.

“I know, I’m sorry and I deserved that. And look, I’m going to try harder from now on.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I’ve been neglecting my children that’s why?”

“I mean why now? What changed James?”

Hearing his son call him by his formal name really hurt Jimmy, he stuttered for a moment before he started to speak.

“A nice old man at the bar last gave me a reality check. I was running my mouth, apparently spilled my whole life story and the dude convinced me to get my shit together for your sakes’. Well, actually he told me to get my shit together or he’d call child services. Took me in last night, got me sobered up and well… here I am.”

“Ok.” Castiel nodded.

“Ok, really? As easy as that?” Now it was his Dad’s turn to be sceptical.

“I’ve missed you Dad.” Castiel said, eyes brimming with tears.

His Dad pulled him in for a tight hug and Cas couldn’t hold on any longer. He sobbed into his father’s shoulder, only now realizing he’d grown taller than the man and smelled the distinct and unusual lack of alcohol on his breath. He smelled more like he had before. Like books and mint, he’d missed that.

“I’ve missed you too Son. So much. And I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry enough, but I promise, things will get better.”

It was long while before they pulled apart and now concern grew into his father’s face as he looked Castiel up and down. His son was a lot taller than he remembered, a lot stronger built too, but he was thin, very thin and it was most evident in his face. His skin was gaunt, deep bags under his eyes and the eyes themselves, those beautiful blue orbs looked full of pain and sorrow.

“Are you ok Castiel, you look very pale. Are you sick?”

“Probably, but I’m fine it’s no big deal.”

“No, you go lay down, and I’ll fix you something up.”

“Thanks Dad, but I’m really not hungry.”

“Castiel, you aren’t eating properly I can tell, please let me look after you. I got a job, I mean a stable job, not writing, so, well I don’t know how you made enough to keep us going, but you don’t have to do it anymore. Maybe you’ll be able to go to college in a few years…”

“Dad I’m already at Stanford.”

“You are?” How could he have not know that, he’d missed his children's lives, he’d missed Cas’ graduation, the twins’ first day at school. “Oh, my baby boy I’m so proud of you, but how on earth do you manage that?”

“I got a full ride and I work nights once the twins are sleeping, they go to Donna’s at the weekend and I work then as well.”

“Oh Castiel. You are amazing, absolutely amazing, my angel child.” Castiel received another hug and he couldn’t keep in the tears of joy. After working so hard for so long, there was finally light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe, everything will be alright, he allowed himself to think, for the first time in years he allowed himself to hope.

“Go lay down, get some rest and I’ll make some soup.”

“No really Dad I couldn’t eat, we just got back from the diner.”

“Ok.” His Dad smiled softly, and Cas went to lie down in his spot in the corner. “Don’t tell me you’ve been sleeping on the floor Castiel?”

“Yes.” Castiel said sadly. “Or the couch when you weren’t using it.”

Jimmy bit his lip and felt the guilt wash over him. How could he have let his children suffer like this while he wallowed in his own self-pity. “Take my bed. That room is yours until we get a big enough place.”

“Dad no, it’s fine I’m used to it.”

“You should never have had to get used to it Castiel. If anyone deserves to sleep on the floor it’s me, so go make yourself comfy.”

Castiel nodded and smiled weakly. He hadn’t washed the soiled bedding yet, even though he had changed it. He knew he had to deal with it. Before his Dad found it, maybe he should just throw it out. He went into the bedroom and bundled it up tightly. The trash was directly below the bedroom window, so he aimed for an open dumpster and chucked it, he didn’t bother to see if he hit his target. He sank into the mattress and the fresh sheets and let sleep take him.

…………………………………………….

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapters starts off happy. Finally things are going ok for Castiel, but I'm afraid its not going to last.  
> Warnings for Character death.

 

He didn’t know if it was habit or what but when Castiel woke up it was 5am Monday morning. He went onto automatic pilot. Time to get the kids up and walk them to school. He grunted at the pain that exploded in his head, the deep feeling of sickness in his stomach and pulled the covers closer with a shiver. Why was he so cold? He wanted nothing more than to stay here and never get up, but he knew he had to carry on.

He dragged himself to his feet and the world immediately started spinning. He reached out for something to grab onto but there was nothing. He hit the floor hard with a thump and groaned. There was the immediate sound of worried footsteps and the door burst open.

“Castiel? Are you ok? What happened?”

“Dad?” Castiel asked in confusion. Then he started to remember. He didn’t have to get up, he had his Dad back, everything was going to be ok.

“Oh Son, you are really sick. Why did you get up?” He felt a soothing hand rub circles on his back, it was nice, and Castiel relaxed to his touch.

“Walk the twins to school.”

“At this time in the morning?”

“They go to Blue hills. It’s 4 miles to the bus stop and then I have to catch a bus to college.” Cas mumbled.

“Castiel, the bus stop is around the corner.”

“Yes, but its cheaper to take the one from downtown.”

Jimmy just sighed. “I’ll look after Anael and Samandriel, you just get some rest.”

“Anna and Alfie.”

“What?”

“They like to be called Anna and Alfie.”

“Oh. Ok.” That made sense of course. Naomi had insisted on the angelic names and it was to be expected that the kids hated them. Jimmy put his own failure aside in his mind and wrapped his arm around Castiel helping him back into bed.

“How are you feeling? Do I need to call an ambulance?” His dad asked, worry bleeding into his face. He pressed his hand to Castiel’s sweat sheened forehead.

“I’m fine.” Castiel said obstinately, but he was far from it. It was likely just the flu though and he would survive.

“We got a thermometer?”

“Kitchen draw.” Cas said, groggily.

Castiel must have missed a bit, but the next thing he knew he heard a beep and felt something being pulled out of his mouth.

“103. That’s it I’m not leaving you today.”

“But your job…”

“I can start when you’re better. My boss is a nice guy, he’ll understand.”

Despite being sick and feeling like death itself, Monday was the best day in Castiel’s life. His Dad was with him all day, looking after him just as he had done as a child. He’d been sick a lot as a kid, that said he’d not been ill for years now, his immune system must have turned badass as he’d grown up. He remembered his Mum got annoyed with him every time he needed bringing home from school early, his Dad never had, he always stayed with him and was patient and caring. Now, it was just like then, and Castiel felt loved for the first time in 5 years and he was just so happy.

It was hard to eat, but his Dad was insistent that he at least try. He threw up at first, but slowly his stomach started to settle, and he held down some soup. He slept most of the day, with his Dad’s fingers intermittently carding through his hair. Later he woke up to the twins curled up on either side of him, obviously home from school. This was how it should have always been. Maybe he could have a life now, maybe he could go back to college and make friends, go to parties, sleep in at the weekends. The little things he’d been missing for as long as he could remember.

As he slept he dreamed of the good things the future could hold for the family and come Tuesday morning, he felt brighter, but his Dad wouldn’t let him go to college. He still looked pale and had a bit of a fever. He sat on the sofa wrapped in a blanket and they chatted. Catching up on the missed time. It brought up bad memories, but it was nice to finally unload all the shit he had been putting up with all this time.

“What about Lucifer? Did my brother not help you out?”

Castiel avoided the urge to shiver. He looked away for a second and calmed his racing heart.

“He gave us money when we were desperate, but I tried not to let anyone know how bad it was. I didn’t want the twins to go into care.”

“You have been so brave Castiel. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am.”

“You don’t need to say it anymore Dad. It’s in the past. You don’t have to be sorry as long as we have you now, that’s all the apology we need.”

“There is something I want to talk to you about and it’s long overdue.”

Castiel frowned a little at his Dad’s serious tone but nodded at him to continue.

“Do you still feel the same way after all this time? You still think you are Gay?”

Castiel turned his head away in annoyance and scoffed. Of course, he was still gay, it’s not something he could change, or choose, or turn on and off. God knows he would have if he could, it was after all the reason they were in this mess in the first place.

“No, Castiel I didn’t mean it like that. Please… I wasn’t suggesting…” Jimmy sighed and rubbed his forehead. For a writer he was sometimes incredibly poor at choosing his words. Then again, maybe that was why he was such a poor writer.

“Look, I may be religious, but I’m not ignorant and I’m not your Mother. People do get confused, especially at the age you were so I just need you to be frank with me. Are you Gay, son?”

“Yes Dad, nothing has changed.” Castiel said bluntly.

“Thank you.” He smiled. “Now, onto what I was going to say. Everything that happened between me and your Mother, it was not your fault and I need you to know that.”

“Dad, I know it was, you don’t have to say that to make me feel better.” Castiel protested.

“No, Castiel. No. What you don’t know is that things were bad between me and you Mother since well before the twins were born. In fact, if I’m honest, I loved her, but she never loved me and over time, well I feel out of love with her as well. Nothing that happened between us was your fault, there was very little we agreed on and it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. We were keeping up appearances for your sakes, you and the twins.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Castiel. You have nothing to apologize for. The moral of this Castiel is that you shouldn’t waste a second of your life spending it with someone you don’t love. Your Mother would have put you through some horrible and criminal things, then forced you to marry a woman and settle down to a life you would have hated. I couldn’t let that happen to my child. I love you son and I want you to be happy, whether that be with a man, a woman or 100 cats.”

Castiel smiled a little at the last thing. He did love cats.

“I love you son and when your Mother said things about homosexuals and quoted the bible, I never said anything. I never told you all that I disagreed because I didn’t think it was worth the argument. But I was wrong, I was so wrong, and I am so sorry I made you feel that I agreed with her. The truth is son, if I believe in anything I believe that God loves everyone, no matter what. I believe he made everyone the way they were for a reason and I believe that all he wants is for us all to love each other.”

Castiel felt tears brimming in his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I love you son and I will support you from now on, no matter what. You want to bring a boy round that’s fine by me. Anything that is wrong I want you to tell me. I have no excuse for how I fell apart after the divorce, but your mother and I got married when we were 17, we’ve been together our entire lives and even though I didn’t love her, I didn’t know what to do without her. I still don’t know who I am without her and It’s time I found out. If you marry Castiel, you will marry for love and you will never have to be ashamed of who you are. I want you to be you and never ever feel bad about it.â€�

“I love you dad. Thank you.” Castiel sobbed into his Dad’s shoulder. His Dad held him tightly. Everything was going to be just fine.

………………………….

Wednesday came and Cas wasn’t feeling brilliant physically, but he was much better. Mentally however, it was like the weight of the world had been lifted. He woke up early and packed for college, his Dad was already making breakfast and greeted him with a smile. He played with the twins all morning and when he went to get dressed, his dad handed him a bag. It was full of new t-shirts and jeans and while they weren’t all to his taste, but he loved them.

He got dressed and smiled. He picked out a blue t-shirt that brought out his eyes and ran a comb lightly through his hair. It was never going to be neat, but he liked it that way. He looked over at his trench coat sadly. It wouldn’t go with what he was wearing, and it was old and battered held together with stitches from the various rips, but why did he care? He loved that coat; his brothers had got it for him when he was 13 and it had been about 5 sizes too big for him. He’d worn it every day since then and it was his trademark. He was who he was, and he didn’t care what anyone thought. He put on the trench coat and had to walk all of 3 minutes to the nearest bus stop, with a bag full of snacks for the day.

……………….

Castiel had missed a ton of stuff at college, he had a lot of work to catch up on but now he didn’t have to work he knew that he would manage. When lunchtime came he was walking to his favorite spot under a tree on campus when he saw Sam Winchester and the others. He stared at them for a while contemplating whether to go up to them or not when Sam looked up and saw him. Well, now he would look like a creep if he didn’t go over, so he did.

“Hey Castiel.” Sam said softly. His face was half happy to see Castiel and half concerned. He’d run off last time and not been seen for weeks. He’d not been on campus much over the past week at all from what his professor had told Sam when he’d asked. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah.” Castiel said shyly. “I was ill, flu.” He offered as an explanation.

“You ok now?”

“Yeah, getting there… Look, guy’s I’m sorry about the other week, I was… having a bad day and I just needed to be alone.”

“It’s fine Castiel, we were just worried that’s all.”

“I thought I’d said something…” Charlie started.

“No Charlie, you didn’t say anything wrong, I just… I needed to be alone for a bit.”

“Castiel, if you ever feel like that you just need to tell us you know. We can help.”

Cas smiled as thanks. “Cas. Call me Cas.”

“Thank God, because no offence Castiel is a mouthful.” Charlie exclaimed.

“Yeah, stupid bible bashing mother called us all weird names.”

“All of us? How many of there are you?” Sam asked. “You’ve never said anything about your family.”

“Well there’s my brothers Gabriel and Balthazar, they’re a lot older than me and left home ages ago. Then there are the twins Alfie and Anna. Their real names are Anael and Samandriel. They are 5.”

“Wow, big family.” Garth said. Garth was a skinny guy, just like Cas had been a few years ago, he’d only met the guy twice, he wasn’t around very much, then again, neither was Cas.

“I’m glad I’m an only child.” Kevin grumbled.

“Ughhh I wish I was.” Sam groaned.

“What, Dean doing your head in again?” Charlie asked with a laugh.

“You have no idea. He’s smitten with some waiter he saw on his birthday, saw, didn’t even speak to…”

“Ooh Deano, onto his next fling.” Charlie sat up excitedly from where she’d been sprawled on the grass sunning herself.

“In case you haven’t guessed, we treat Dean’s relationships like a sport. We usually place bets on how long they’ll last.” Garth filled Cas in and Castiel smiled a little at the thought.

“Well he’ll have to find the guy and speak to him first.” Sam scoffed.

“A Guy? Wow, that’s been a while.” Charlie commented, and Cas felt he was missing something.

“Your brother is gay?” Cas asked quietly.

“Yes and no… he’s Bi.” Sam said calmly. Like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Well, it’s mainly women but every now and then he sees a bloke.”

“Who was the last one? Was it 2 years ago? Benny from purgatory?” Charlie thought aloud.

“Purgatory?” Castiel asked.

“It’s a bar Dean used to work at. Proper, proper shady place. Bobby made him quit.” Garth explained.

“I thought those two would last, they hold the record… 6 months. They had a proper thing going.” Charlie added.

“But Benny was like 28.”

“Why did it end Sam?” Charlie asked.

“Not sure, Dean was pissed about it though. Think it was Benny that called it.”

“OMG, not Dean.”

“Like I said, not sure but…”

“Benny wasn’t the latest. There was Jason last year for 3 days.” Kevin corrected.

“Oh yeah.” Charlie recalled and nodded.

“So, who’s the new boy then.” Garth asked, pulling them back on track.

“I don’t know anything some guy with the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. Steve, I think his name was, saw him at Ellen’s bar.” Sam said.

Coke sprayed out of Castiel’s mouth as he started choking on the drink he’d just taken a sip of.

“You ok Cas?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, fine, just went down the wrong way.” Cas wheezed. Sam’s brother had a crush on him? He hadn’t even paid attention to the guy, he’d been trying to keep his head down and work. Shit. If Dean had noticed him, what if they ended up meeting… everything would be blown. He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down, the others too lost in conversation to notice his mini panic attack.

“Anyway, can we discuss something other than my brother’s love life, this conversation is grossing me out.”

Once he was back under control Cas enjoyed the rest of the lunch break. For a start his bag was so full of snacks he knew he would never be able to eat them all, though he got through far more than he expected he would. And it was so nice to sit with his friends and just be part of something, not having to worry about his college work or the twins, or how he was going to make the rent. He just sat in the sunshine and smiled.

He saw Sam smiling at him every now and again. He wasn’t exactly sure why. But as the lunch break wore on he realized what this was. This was living. He’d just been surviving for so long he had forgotten what life was all about.

………………………….

Cas set off for his class earlier than the others after lunch. He still felt a little under the weather and wanted to walk slowly. Sam turned to the others when Cas was out of ear shot.

“Cas looks so much better, don’t you think?” He said with a smile.

“It’s amazing. He’s like a new person or something.” Charlie smiled.

“What was up with the guy before? I mean I like him, but it was like he was half avoiding us all the time.” Kevin asked.

“I have a feeling he was going through some shit at home.” Sam added. “I mean, I’m not sure, but haven’t you noticed that this is the first time he’s even mentioned his family and he never talks about himself.”

“Well whatever’s changed it’s nice to have him back.” Kevin smiled, turning the page on his textbook and not looking up.

“Still studying Kevin, come on man! It’s time for class and you haven’t even had a break.” Charlie moaned.

“This is why it’s nice to have Cas back, he doesn’t berate me for working hard like you do!” Kevin whined and picked up his textbooks as the group dispersed.

……………………………..

Cas had sat with the group every day. He’d hung out with them after college some days once he’d got back on top of his work. He’d had to hand over his Lucifer fund to his Dad to make rent the first month, but now the money was coming in, everything was just fine. Apart from the nightmares. But he usually woke up to his Dad soothing him back into wakefulness. Jimmy had asked what they were about the first few times, but when he realized Cas didn’t want to talk about it the questions stopped, but the comfort continued. They were caused by Lucifer of course and the many times he’d been hurt by his Uncle, he would never tell his Dad about that. It would break him again. He wasn’t going to ruin what they had, he’d learnt his lesson on that front. Yes, everything was currently great, but Cas had to pinch himself every morning when he woke up to the smells of cooking and his Dad greeting him with a plate of bacon, or pancakes. He was certain every night he would wake up to his Dad passed out on the sofa and smelling like booze. But he didn’t.

Cas was currently sat in a diner a few miles from campus with Sam, Charlie and Kevin. They were supposed to be studying, but they hadn’t got much done. Cas was a bit preoccupied thinking about the burger he’d ordered and how long it was taking for the waitress to bring his food. He was starving, and he had to admit he had got a little addicted to burgers recently. He was putting on weight fast, but none of it was bad. He looked good. He could look in the mirror and smile. Even the word he had cut into his arm hadn’t been deep enough to scar and all was left was a faint mark.

“Sorry about the wait Hunny.” Cas was snapped out of his trail of thought but the waitress sliding his food in front of him. She put down everyone else’s food and then slipped her hand on his shoulder.

“We just had to wait for those fries to cook. They couldn’t be fresher for you all. Enjoy your food handsome.” She whispered the last part in his ear, loud enough for the rest of the table to hear and left with a wink in his direction.

Cas looked at the retreating figure a little in shock, frowning. Why was the waitress hitting on him? If anyone got hit on it was usually Sam. Well actually it was usually Charlie hitting on the waitress, but not since she’d met Dorothy last week. They’d started dating and she never shut up about this marvelous mystery woman they were yet to meet.

“Well Damn Cas, she’s hot.” Sam said approvingly.

“You’ve scored there bro.” Charlie winked at him and thumped him on the arm.

“When we get dessert, you have to ask for her number, or even better find out when she gets off!” Kevin exclaimed.

“Thanks guys but not interested.” Cas said, turning his attention back to his food self-consciously.

“Not interested?” Kevin said in disbelief. “She’s smoking!”

“She’s not my type.” Cas shrugged.

“Well your clearly hers. Why not give it a shot?” Sam said suggestively.

They weren’t going to let this go lightly and they were his friends. Perhaps it was time he told them. “Ermm… She’s not my type because she’s… well, she’s a she.” He said nervously, and the others looked at him wide eyed.

“You’re gay?” Sam said.

Cas nodded shyly.

“Hey, its fine dude.” Charlie noticed his worry and pulled him into a hug. “I mean come on… So am I!” She smiled, and Cas couldn’t help but smile back. “Are we the first people you’ve told?” She asked quietly.

“Well, some of my family know, but yeah.” He nodded and spoke very quietly, suddenly very worried about what they all thought of him now it was out there.

“Well that’s, that’s really brave Cas. It means a lot you’ve trusted us with that.” Charlie petted his shoulder and her smile made him relax a little.

“Does that mean, you don’t want anyone else to know?” Kevin asked.

“Err, well I’m not trying to hide it anymore, but I don’t really want it shouting from the roof tops.”

“That’s cool buddy, how about we leave it to you and we won’t mention it.” Kevin offered with a smile.

“That sounds good.”

“Can I be your wingman? I need to take you to a gay bar!” Charlie said excitedly

“Charlie, ease off will you!” Sam groaned having seen Cas’ earlier discomfort.

“It’s ok guys.” Cas chuckleled. “Not yet Charlie, but maybe one day and Thank you.”

“No worries Cas, we got your back.” Kevin slapped him across the shoulder.

“The waitress is going to be gutted.” Sam said with a smile.

“Well, I’d play straight if I were you, you’ve already got way more fries than the rest of us, so keep it up and you may get a free milkshake or something.”

“Charlie!” Kevin hissed.

“Well I do like milkshakes.” Cas shrugged.

The table dissolved into laughter and they dug into their food. They finally got some studying done, but all too soon it was time for Cas to go for the bus.

“Hey, I can give you a lift home if you want to stay longer.” Sam offered.

“Dean finally let you drive the impala?” Charlie said in shock.

“Well, not really, Bobby went off at him about the fact we are supposed to be sharing that car and practically told him to suck it up and hand over the keys.”

“Ha, bet he was pleased.” Kevin scoffed.

“I’m taking him some pie back as a piece offering. Hopefully that will work. Come on Cas, come round to Bobby’s this evening and then I’ll drop you home after.”

“Ermm.. I’m not sure. I should probably go home and study…” Bobby and Dean both knew Steve, he definitely couldn’t meet them as Cas, it would ruin everything.

“Come on Cas, Bobby and Dean are out tonight, we’ll have the house to ourselves. We’ll get some pizza, watch a movie or something. Besides, we just studied that makes you good for today.” Sam reasoned with a smile.

Well then, Cas had no excuse. “Sure. I’d love to.”

He got out the phone his dad had bought him the other week and fired off a text saying he wouldn’t be home till later. It was a simple phone, not like the smartphones the others had but he was finding it hard enough to text on this, the smartphones just looked impossible to use, so he was glad.

As he climbed into the back seat of the impala for the first time it vibrated in his pocket.

Dad: Have fun

Do you need any dinner?

Cas: No thanks I’m good.

Love you.

………………………...

Sam dropped Cas on his street at 11pm. He’d sent a text to his dad earlier saying what time he’d be home but he hadn’t had any response. He was probably in bed and he didn’t blame him. Cas had really enjoyed the evening. They’d been watching Harry Potter and had got through three movies. Charlie had been mortified when she’d heard that Cas hadn’t seen them, or the Lord Of the Rings, or Star Trek, or well, any movie at all really. The last film he’d seen had been Iron Man 2 with his brothers just before they left home. He’d had no idea there was now more than a dozen further films and he couldn’t remember that much about the one he had seen other than he’d enjoyed it and Gabriel had been on prank streak.

It had been the first time he’d ever been to the cinema and Balthazar had insisted they get popcorn while Gabriel went to the bathroom. When they’d got to the door there was a huge poster taped to the door saying no popcorn beyond this point. Cas had been confused beyond measure and even gone back to the kiosk to ask. The checkout guy had looked at him like he was crazy and when Cas got back to the door both his brothers were stood there, there was no sign and they both acted like there never had been one. Gabriel broke first, he always did, and the pair howled in laughter at the expense of their little brother’s confusion.

Gabriel had spent the film squirting people with a water pistol and blaming it on either Cas or Balthazar and finally told Cas that you have to get up and clap at the end of the film, which had finished Cas off with embarrassment. He scowled at them all the way home in the car, until he’d finally given in and seen the funny side.

He smiled at the memories as he walked up to his front door.

“Dad. I’m home.” Cas called quietly, not wanting to wake the twins, or his dad if he was asleep. It was dark in the apartment, but the Couch was empty. Cas yawned and headed round the sofa, ready to grab a glass of water before bed when he saw it. His Dad’s crumpled form on the floor, slumped against the counter, clutching his chest.

“Dad!” Cas had meant to scream but it came out as a whisper. He dropped to his knees next to his father. His eyes were closed, his chest wasn’t moving.

“Dad, no. Please Dad wake up.” He shook his father’s shoulders frantically. Leaning over him to listen for any sign of breathing. There was none. He pressed his fingers to his neck.

“Please wake up Dad.” Cas choked, tears running down his face. But his Dad’s skin was cold. There was no pulse. He’d been dead a while.

“This can’t be happening.” Cas sobbed. “Dad, come back. Please wake up! Someone please help. Please God, no.”

He howled and pleaded, but it was no good. No one was listening. No one cared. Cas was on his on his own again. Just like that his life had unravelled. He curled up against his father and cried until he had no more tears. By some miracle the twins didn’t wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for graphic violence and attempted rape in this chapter.

It was the early hours of the morning by the time Cas pulled away from his Dad’s body. He had to do something, he knew that. But his Dad was dead. What did he do? Call an ambulance? He was already dead. Call the cops? But they might take the twins away. He had no idea what to do.

There was only one person he could call. But it was the last person he wanted to.

“Lucifer.”

“Castiel, nice to hear from…”

“Dad had a heart attack. He’s dead. I don’t know what to do.” He said numbly. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with his uncle.

The other end of the phone was silent for a moment.

“I’m coming straight around.”

The line went dead.

Lucifer was there half an hour later. Cas didn’t really notice much. He just sat in the corner and stared at the wall in shock. But he thought he heard Lucifer crying. That was strange. He didn’t think Lucifer cared about his brother. Maybe he’d been wrong. Then he heard the door close and his Dad and Lucifer were gone and Cas was left alone.

What was he going to tell the twins? Where was he going to find a job? How was he going to cope with all this again? Would Lucifer expect payment? Was he going to have to do that again? How was he going to afford a funeral? Who would get custody of the twins? Would they be separated? What was going to happen to him? He was 19 after all. He was of age, he would be expected to look after himself.

The thoughts and the pain and the memories of his Dad where whirring round his head and Cas felt like he was drowning. The questions and the uncertainty made the panic rise in his throat. He couldn’t breathe.

He stood up and ran into the bathroom and found a razor blade, returning to his spot on the floor He started cutting. He didn’t feel the first few through the numbness., but a few more drags and the sharp scratching pain started to draw him back into reality. But it wasn’t enough. He cut until his arm was almost full of bloody lines and then he swapped hands. When there wasn’t much skin left to cut he stopped and pushed the blade away and returned to staring at the floor as the blood ran down his arms.

At 4am the door opened again. Lucifer was back.

“This is your fault faggot. All of this is your fault!”

Cas heard the words, but he didn’t feel them. He was numb. Empty. He didn’t care anymore.

“It’s the drinking that killed him. And that was your fault. He’d still be happy and married if you weren’t a dirty cock sucking slut!”

Lucifer looked at him and saw the blood streaking down his arms in the darkness.

“Trying to kill yourself, you pathetic freak!” He hissed. “You deserve it, but you don’t get out that easily. You are going to pay for what you did! Take your clothes off.”

Cas didn’t move. He didn’t even blink.

“Look at me! Take your clothes off and get on the bed now!”

Still nothing from the raven-haired boy.

Lucifer tugged at Castiel’s legs and pulled him away from the wall. He tore off Castiel’s belt and started tugging at his pants.

“No!” Cas roared. Suddenly the empty broken eyes were filled with rage and Lucifer looked at him in confusion. Then he shook himself out of it. This stupid slut didn’t get to tell him what to do. He tugged at the pants again.

Then the wind was knocked out of him as Cas kicked him square in the chest.

“I said no you fucking rapist!” Cas scrambled to his feet with a burning look in his eyes. Anger bubbled deep inside Lucifer. How dare he? How fucking dare he!

Castiel wasn’t having this. His Dad had just died, he was not going to let this night get any worse. He was better than this. Stronger than this. This was his life and he was in control. Lucifer was not going to take that from him.

Lucifer lunged at Castiel with a growl but received a hard hit the jaw that had him stumbling back. He barely had time to recover when another punch landed, and he felt his nose crack. His head reeled in shock and dizziness as Castiel launched himself at him and pulled the both tumbling the floor. Lucifer pulled himself together thrusting his knee up and colliding with Castiel’s still fragile ribs. Castiel grunted and then howled as a second hit was followed with a crack, but it only made him fight harder. He hit out and Lucifer felt his Jaw pop, he tasted blood, spitting a tooth as he hissed in pain and anger. He swung a wild un-coordinated punch which Cas blocked with ease. He felt something grab his wrist and twist. Lucifer screamed as his shoulder crunched and then teeth dug into his arm drawing another yelp from his throat.

Lucifer kicked hard again but got nothing but air and then suddenly his lungs were without it as a fist collided with his throat leaving him spluttering. Lucifer spat in Castiel’s face, momentarily blinding the younger man. His arms flailed, and he caught the back of Castiel’s head, fisting his hand into his hair. Castiel yelled and struggled to get free, seemed not to care about the pain. Lucifer twisted his body and slammed Castiel’s face into the corner of the cupboard as hard as he could. The teenager slumped for a second, momentarily losing consciousness. Lucifer stumbled to his feet, blinded with rage he picked up a knife from the kitchen counter. Castiel groaned and rolled onto his back, eyes growing wide when he saw the knife.

Lucifer thrust his hands down, but his wrists were caught by Castiel. He pushed the knife down, willing it into his nephew’s chest but the teenager was too strong. It only made Lucifer more furious. Castiel yelled in the effort and wrestled his legs up, kicking hard and sending Lucifer flying backwards across the room. Lucifer regained his feet first and charged at Castiel who was still staggering, trying to regain his balance. Castiel caught his hands again to stop the path of the knife but Lucifer’s momentum carried them crashing into the other wall. Castiel’s ribs cracked on the corner of the counter top and his grip loosened for a second allowing Lucifer to free one hand. He grabbed Castiel’s jaw and cracked his head against the wall. The teenager moaned in desperation and Lucifer thrust hard with the knife. His strength failing Castiel couldn’t hold his Uncle back, but he did deflect the path of the knife. He yelped as the blade sunk half way in his shoulder, the surge of desperation and adrenaline helped him push Lucifer away.

Castiel’s legs gave out and the knife clattered to the floor, pain shooting through his shoulder as blood pooled on the floor. Lucifer stalked up to him, knowing the fight was over. He crouched down and straddled his nephew, finally taking what he wanted. Cas kept fighting, but his protests were weak. Lucifer didn’t waste time with prep and his thrusts were hard and fast, but the constant hands trying weakly to push him away were annoying him. Then spit flew into his face from the defiant figure beneath him and Lucifer snapped.

Lucifer had been close to orgasm, but he pulled out in fury and grabbed Castiel by the shoulders, slamming his head onto the floor. The light behind Cas’ eyes went out, but the blue orbs stayed open. Lucifer’s fist collided with his nephew face again and again and again. Then he felt something soaking through the knees of his jeans and looked down to blood pooling all around him.

Castiel was limp in his hands, eyes closed.

Shit.

Lucifer checked to see if he was breathing and the answer was barely. He hadn’t intended to go this far; he couldn’t say he cared much, but someone had to have heard all of that. The police would be on their way. He let Castiel go roughly and tugged up the boy’s pants, doing the belt up like nothing had happened.

He took the knife and wrapped it in a towel. He’d throw it in a lake on his way home. He cradled his own injured shoulder and groaned at the pain which was becoming sharper now that reality was catching up with the rage and adrenaline.

He looked around again. Blood covered the tiles of the kitchen, sprayed on the walls and the cabinets and was smudged all over the room. Cas was bleeding from his shoulder and the base of his skull, his face was a mess. Whether or not he lived or died, he imagined was touch and go. Lucifer didn’t really care. Someone else could call the ambulance. He was out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Cas is standing up for himself, but unfortunately it hasn't really worked out for him.
> 
>  
> 
> I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Dub con and Lucifer being an ass again guys. Sorry.

 

The twins woke up to shouting and screaming. There were loud bangs and shouts on the other side of the door.

“What should we do?” Anna asked Alfie, eyes wide and terrified brimming with tears.

“Cassie said that if we heard shouting we have to hide under our beds and wait till he comes and gets us.”

They heard Castiel scream from the other room.

“Yes but what if he’s hurt, what if he can’t come and get us?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know.” Alfie said, lip quivering as he hugged his favorite teddy bear with all his might.

“I think we should hide until it stops.” Anna said decisively, crawling under her bed.

“Ok.” Alfie sniffed and copied his sister.

They waited till the noises stopped before they crawled out. Shortly after they heard the door bang. It was quiet for a few more minutes and Anna toddled to the door. Looking back at her brother nervously. She opened it a crack and looked outside. The first thing she saw was blood.

She pushed the door opened and rushed into the room.

“Castiel?” She approached her brother nervously. “Castiel please wake up.” She shook him gently but there was no response.

“Cassie?” Alfie whined.

“We have to call an ambulance.” Anna said.

“I’ll find the phone.” Alfie skittered away, liking having something to do.

When he found Castiel’s cell in the corner he punched in 911 with his little fingers and pressed the green dial button, just like his big brother had told him to.

“Hello 911 What’s your emergency?”

“Hello? Ermmm my brother is hurt.”

“Ok sweetie, can you tell me your name and where you live?”

Alfie did as he was told, and Anna came to stand next to him.

“Ok, Alfie, you are doing very well. Is there an adult with you that I could talk to?”

“No, Daddy’s not here, I don’t know where he went. It’s just my brother and he won’t wake up.”

“Ok, is your brother breathing?”

Anna toddled back over and watched Castiel’s chest rise and fall.

“Yes, she answered.”

“Who’s this?” The responder asked.

“I’m Anna. We’re twins.”

“Ok guys, how old are you both?”

“We’re 5.”

“Ok, well done guys there is some one coming to help your brother, I am going to stay on the phone till they get there. Do you know how to unlock the door when they get there?”

“I don’t think it’s locked.” Alfie said.

“Right. Can you tell me what happened to you brother?”

“There was banging and shouting, and we hid. When it stopped we came out and he wouldn’t wake up and there is blood everywhere.”

“Do you know where he is bleeding from?”

“His head, his shoulder and his arms.” Anna answered helpfully.

“Ok, they are 5 minutes away, you have both done so well and you are being so brave.”

“Is our brother going to be ok?” Alfie asked

“He’ll be in the best hands. Everything will be fine.”

……………………

Castiel woke up to pain and blinding light.

“Doctor he’s awake.”

“Sir, can you hear me?”

Cas could only groan in response. His eyes flickered open and he was surrounded by strangers and white walls. Immediately a light was shone in his eyes.

“Can you remember what happened to you Sir.”

“Can you tell us your name?”

“The police would like to ask you a few questions.”

“They needn’t bother. I tripped and fell.” Castiel croaked.

“Fell on a knife?”

“Hey, Hey, everyone out. Stop bombarding him with questions.” A commanding female voice broke through and the room emptied leaving Cas to breathe.

There was one face left standing at the door, it was a woman whose kind face didn’t quite match the tough voice he guessed had belonged to her. She gave him a minute to gather his surroundings before she invited herself to sit by his bed.

“What’s your name sweetie?”

“Sam.” He picked the name of his closest friend as a new alias for this.

“Sam. Is that your real name Sam?”

“No.” Castiel admitted.

“Ok Sam. I’m nurse Mills. But you can call me Jody. How are you feeling?”

“Like crap.” Castiel huffed.

“You are very lucky you know. You have a few broken ribs, one hell of a concussion and that stab wound missed anything vital. You lost of blood though, you could have very easily died.”

“Well thank you all for not letting me.”

“Now I’m not stupid Sam. I’ve seen cuts like that on your arms before and I know what they mean. But I also know you couldn’t have done all of that to yourself. It’s also fairly obvious that this guy who hurt you, did more than just beat and stab you.”

“I’m not going to talk about it.” Cas snapped.

“I guessed that much.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Two days.”

“The twins!” Cas sat up suddenly ignoring the pain.

“Woah, there. Take it easy.” Two hands tried to keep him in bed and Castiel recoiled from the touch sharply. “Relax kid, you’re safe here. If you mean the two little ones who came in with you, they’re here, they slept on the children’s ward. They said your Dad was out when this happened is that true?”

“Yes, he’s away on business.”

“Well, I had to call social services, they’ll be here this afternoon.” Castiel’s heart stopped. Social services. He had to get them out of here. “Can we contact him, get him to come here and get them?” Jody continued.

“I’ll call him, I just need my phone for the number.” Cas said, and Jody just nodded. “Can I see them?” He added.

“I’ll let you get some rest, and bring them in, in the morning. They will probably be asleep at the moment, its 5:30am. I’ll tell the police to go home for the night, but they are going to want to question you.”

Cas swallowed and nodded. He was desperate to get out of here, but he could really use some rest, his head was pounding, his shoulder and ribs were aching and before he knew it his eyes were closed.

……………………

“Castiel, are you ok?”

Cas smiled gently, wrestling himself into a sitting position at the little voice at the door.

“Hey guys, come here.” He patted the bed next to him and the twins clambered on, Jody stood by the door smiled softly. “Can you give us a moment?” Cas asked, and Jody nodded.

She walked out of the room into the corridor sighing to herself. She hadn’t seen cases like this before. Of course, she’d seen rape victims and assault victims, but none this bad. The question was how was she going to convince this kid to say something? She doubted it was the first time it had happened to him and she saw the fear in his eyes when he’d mentioned the twins. He was keeping silent because of them, so this was probably a guardian doing it to him and the absence of his Dad was all she needed to know to jump to conclusions. He was probably looking after those little ones and keeping them safe the only way he knew how.

She wandered around for a few more minutes before she headed back to the room and immediately hit the call button. The boy was gone and so where the twins. Clothes gone, hospital gown left behind. She knew it was probably already too late, but security were now running through the hospital to the nearest exits, but she was right. They were gone.

……….

Cas walked slowly to Donna’s house with the kids in tow. He needed to go home and clean up the blood and check that Lucifer wasn’t there, though he imagined that having the police and an ambulance turn up would have scared him off for a good while, so that at least was a blessing. He also needed to find a job, but he had no idea who would take him in this state, but he had to try.

“Now when we get to Aunty Donna’s if she asks you say I was in a car accident, ok?”

“Yes Castiel.” Alfie and Anna said in unison.

“She’ll take you to school if I’m not back tomorrow ok.”

“Where’s Daddy?” Anna asked.

“Daddy wasn’t feeling well, he went to the doctors last night.” Cas hated lying to them, but it would be better to break it to them slowly that Daddy wasn’t coming back this time.

“Is he going to be ok?”

“I hope so Hunny.” He wasn’t going to lie that blatantly. That was just cruel. And it was only half a lie. He hoped that wherever his Dad was he was ok and that he was at peace now.

“Are you going to be ok?” Alfie asked.

“I’m fine Alfie. I’m going to be a bit sore for a while.” Cas smiled despite himself..

“What really happened?” The little boy asked.

“I had a little accident ok? You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Castiel? What you doing here on a weekday?” The door opened and then Donna’s face instantly changed to worry. “Oh my! What happened.” She crowed, reaching forward to the boy carefully, taking in the bloody face and the sling.

“This idiot forgot to look before crossing the road. Sure made these two respect the green cross code.”

“Oh my, you got hit by a car, oh Hunny! And your dad has you walking the kids all the way here?” She frowned. That really didn’t make sense.

“Oh I’m fine Donna. I was sick last week, and Dad used his sick days looking after me, just wondering if you’d take these two for a while.”

“Hunny I’ll take them all week if you need me to. But, it’s you that needs looking after if your Dad’s at work.”

“Thank you Donna, you’re a legend.” Cas turned to leave the twins and retreat before Donna could ask anymore questions.

“Castiel wait!”

“What?” Cas smiled as much as the pain would allow him.

“You can’t be wandering round in that state. Come inside, stay here today.”

“It’s fine Donna, my friend is driving me in to college to pick up my work and then I’ve got an appointment at the hospital.” Cas had thought out the story on the walk and it seemed to be enough for Donna who retreated back inside the house.

“Ok, take care Castiel.” She said uncertainly.

…………………..

It took Cas the best part of 3 hours to clean up the blood. His blood. He was knackered, he only had one arm and everything hurt so he had to move slowly. There was no sign of Lucifer. Cas guessed he wouldn’t be back in a hurry, well he hoped anyway, but he knew better than to hope they’d never see him again. That’s why they needed to move.

Cas looked through his Dad’s wallet that was in its usual place down the back of the sofa. There was $300 in there. He’d obviously just had his pay day so they had enough money for while, but not enough to put a deposit down for another flat.

He caught the bus to blue hills elementary. It was the nicer part of town if San Jose had that. Nowhere in San Jose was a ‘bad’ neighbourhood, but there were certainly cheaper places to live. That being said, if they were going to do this, he needed a job he could get to easily and they sure as hell weren’t moving further away from the kids school. He browsed the local shops, gas stations and diners, most of them just looked at him and turned him away.

As a last resort he walked into a small diner called Hell’s kitchen. Not the most original name, nor the most upmarket place, but he wasn’t picky nor judgemental, especially in his situation. There was a flyer on the door saying they were hiring, now he just had to convince them he wasn’t some sort of druggy.

“What in the hell happened to you?” A cheery, but sinister looking black-haired women, not much older than Castiel ‘greeted’ him as he walked through the door.

“Car accident.”

“You driving?”

“Walking.”

“Should look both ways.”

“Yes I know.” Cas smiled a little and the woman started looking him up and down in interest. It reminded him of Lucifer and made him shiver and bite his tongue as the panic threatened to overwhelm him.

“What can I get you?” She asked, returning her attention to the till.

“A job I was hoping… I saw your flyer.”

“Any experience?”

“I worked in a bar, dishes, waiting tables you get the picture?”

“You cook?”

“If it’s out the can.” He chuckleled and the woman smiled at him. It was a little unnerving, her smile that was, but Cas had to say he kind of liked her.

“What hours are you looking for?”

“As many as I can get.”

“When can you start?”

“Tomorrow I guess, if I can take it steady for a few weeks.” He gestured to the sling.

“Well Clarence you got the job.”

“I… My name isn’t Clarence. I didn’t tell you my name.” Cas tilted his head in confusion and frowned

“Don’t care. I’m Meg I run the joint.”

“Just like that? You don’t want references?”

Meg scoffed. “I can see what kind of person you are Clarence. Hard working, clever, shy… a trodden on, harmless, goody goody? Am I hitting the mark?”

“Ermm, not far off.”

Though Castiel wasn’t sure about the harmless.

“Besides, I bet you’re pretty under that black eye. You’re hired Clarence.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Watch enough movies you’ll figure it out.” She said flippantly.

“Ok, well thank you. See you tomorrow I guess.”

“8am sharp.”

“What should I wear?”

“I’ll get you a uniform. Just come in whatever.”

“What do I call you?”

“I’m Meg. Meg Masters. Nice to meet you Clarence, welcome to the team.”

…………………

“Is Daddy going to be home tonight.” Anna asked as Castiel lay himself painfully on the couch.

“No sweetie I’m sorry, Daddy is in hospital, he’s very sick.” Cas said, pulling them both into a hug.

“Is he going to get better.”

“He’s in the best place right now, ok?

“Can we go see him?” Alfie asked

“Not right now, maybe tomorrow, but the Doctor says he’s not well enough for visitors at the moment. Now I don’t want you to worry ok, it’s time for bed. You know I’ll always take care of you right?”

“Yes Castiel.” Anna smiled.

“You make the best sandwiches. Daddy puts the filling in the wrong order.” Alfie seemed to both scowl and smile at the same time.

Castiel chuckleled to conceal a sob. “I’m sure daddy did his best.”

“And you played with use and looked after us when Daddy was working.” Anna grabbed him and hugged him lightly. They’d had to have the conversation about hugs hurting Castiel earlier in the day and that they had to remember he was hurt. They’d both been trying really hard since and they were adorable.

“I love you Castiel.” Alfie joined in the hug and Cas felt tears welling in his eyes. He looked at the two twins and thought to himself. I raised these two kind, innocent and thoughtful human beings. I can’t be all that bad.

…………………..

There was one sure fire way to have more cash in the bank and that was to quit college. Cas knew he was giving up his dream of becoming a surgeon. He should have been devastated but truth be told, he wasn’t really all that bothered. It was just something that had to be done. He’d fought so hard to get here and once he had he’d been fighting tooth and nail to stay, to keep hold of his dream. But it had been selfish. He could make things better the one thing… well two things, two people that he cared about if he did this. Anna and Alfie. His job was to get them a better, safer life. It didn’t matter what happened to him.

His new job at the diner was going well. Meg was strange and felt kind of dangerous. She was exactly the sort of person he felt like he should avoid at all costs. She and he were complete opposites but somehow, they gelled. Turns out it was only her that worked there really, apart from him. They got quite a number of customers though and she paid him well, let him keep his tips for him. Money wise, things were going well. He was there to take the kids to school everyday and pick them up. There was food on the table and in the fridge and in the cupboards, not always enough for Castiel, but mostly that was out of choice. The less he spent the more he saved, so the less he ate, the quicker they could get out of here and away from Lucifer.

It was the end of the second week when he made the trip to college to drop out. He had hoped to get away clean so to speak, but he was on his way to the office to submit his withdrawal request form when he heard his name being called.

“Castiel.”

Sam. Damn it, Sam was the last person he wanted to see. He concealed a wince as he pushed on and pain radiated from his shoulder and ribs. His eye was still swollen, and he was wearing the sling, if Sam saw him like this he would have some explaining to do. He walked as fast as his legs would let him, hoping that Sam would leave him be. But 6ft of broken underfed Cas couldn’t out run the 6ft 4 moose.

“Cas!”

A hand clamped around his bad shoulder and Cas yelped in pain.

“Shit Cas, I’m sorry, what… Jesus what happened?” Sam cried when he saw the state of Cas’ face. He looked at Cas in horror, holding him gently on his uninjured arm and looking him up and down.

The pain set Cas off in a bad mood, he hoped the wound wouldn’t start bleeding again, he didn’t want another shirt ruined.

“Car accident.” Cas’ eyes locked with Sam’s for a moment, blue orbs filled with pain and worry and… lies. Cas was lying. Someone had done this to him. “I’ve really got to go.” Cas pushed Sam away and started moving again. Sam caught a glimpse of bloody, bruised knuckles. They were swollen too. He knew what that meant. Cas had fought back, or at least tried. There had definitely been no car accident.

“Cas, wait.” Sam pleaded. “I mean what the hell, are you ok? Where have you been, you didn’t answer your phone?”

“Hospital Sam.” Cas said, ‘duh’ was implied in his tone of voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer its hard with one arm.” Cas bit.

The anger directed at him got Sam’s own blood boiling, so he hit back, grabbing Cas’ good wrist forcefully, then cringing when he saw that was bruised as well.

“You really expect me to believe that you were in a car accident? I’m not stupid, I know what those marks on your knuckles mean.”

Sam let go, scanning Cas’ face. If he’d hurt Cas by grabbing him he hadn’t shown it, but from the way he was standing Sam could tell he was protecting further injuries. Most likely, ribs. And he was thin again. Not as thin as he had been before but any progress he had made over the last few weeks with them was pretty much wiped out.

“Believe what you want. Take a hint Sam I’m not going to talk about it.” Cas spat back.

Sam was taken aback. Cas had been many things in the time he’d known him, shy, withdrawn, goofy, fragile, happy, sad... but never angry, not once.

“Why are you being like this? I mean, I’m your friend Cas, why are you pushing me away? I’m here for you… if you want me to be.”

“Save it Sam. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Just go back to your life and forget about it.”

“Seriously? What the... What are you talking about?”

“I won’t be at college any more Sam.”

“You’re dropping out, why? You’re doing great…”

“We’re moving away.”

“Well, you can stay with us till you get a room here, me and my brother and Bobby…”

“Sam, I have the form here, it’s done. I’m going.”

“Cas just stop. Talk to me please. Just don’t do this, you’re throwing everything away and it doesn’t have to be like this, just stop and talk and we’ll sort something out.”

Cas stopped and sighed. He was being unreasonable, he had to push Sam away, yes, but he shouldn’t leave on these terms. It wasn’t fair and Sam had been a good friend.

“Goodbye Sam. Thanks for everything. I mean it. It was nice to have friends, even for a while, you guys… I appreciate what you’ve done for me, but this is just what has to happen.”

“What do mean this has to happen Cas? Nothing ever has to happen, you have a choice. I mean, you’re 19.” Sam’s voice became softer. “If your parents are telling you to do this, you don’t have to do it. Or are you in trouble, is something wrong? I can help you I promise, just let me.”

“Sam, this already hard enough as it is. Please just let me go, don’t make it any harder.”

Cas turned and walked away and Sam just had to let him. He stared open mouthed at the back of his friend as he walked away, wondering what the hell he was going to do.

……………………

The encounter with Sam left Cas feeling very deflated. He’d have given anything to tell him everything that had happened. It had been so frantic since his dad had died… Dad. He hadn’t even thought about him. He hadn’t had time to breath yet alone mourn. He just wanted him back so much, wanted to hug him one last time and tell him that he loved him and hear the man say it back. The last week had been the best of his life. Then it quickly became the worst.

Now he really had lost everything. He had no one and had to be everything to two innocent, gorgeous little humans who didn’t deserve any of this and he had to protect them from the monster that was their uncle.

It wasn’t time to pick up the kids yet, so on the way home he detoured to some realtor’s office and saw a little 2 bedroom flat for rent only 10 minutes away from blue hills elementary and very close to the diner. It was a little more expensive than he was hoping for, but a couple more months and they would get there. He just hoped it would stay on the market for that long.

And that Lucifer didn’t turn up first.

………………

“What’s eating you Kid?” Bobby asked as Sam came downstairs with a sad and worried look on his face.

“It’s Cas.” He said sadly.

“What about him?” Bobby frowned. It seemed all he’d been hearing about recently was this Cas bloke. Suddenly he’d started hanging out with Sam’s friends again after running off and leaving them worried a few weeks ago. He needed to meet this kid, there was something very strange going on with him.

“Well, I dropped him off at his house after we had the movie night here last week and then I texted him, didn’t hear from him. None of us had seen him at college for days. But today I saw him and… He was beat up bad Bobby, face smashed up, arm in a sling, said he was quitting college. He’s lost weight again as well.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I tried to get him to tell me what happened. Said it was a car accident and his family were moving away, but he was lying Bobby. He had bloody knuckles and was acting really angry and weird and its not like him.”

“What do you think happened?”

“Well, he never talks about his family, but the day I saw him last, when we were all at the diner, he came out to us.”

“Came out?”

“Told us he was gay. Said we were the first to know. He was happy Bobby, talked a bit about his family, not much, but it was like he finally knew who he was and wasn’t afraid any more, but…”

“You think someone beat him because he was gay?”

“Yes. I mean, it’s too much of a coincidence and then suddenly him and his family are moving away… It might even be them that hurt him. He told us about his siblings but never mentioned his parents at all. He was hurt bad Bobby, real bad and I’m worried about him.”

“You know where he lives?”

“Not exactly, I dropped him near Eastridge mall.”

“Eastridge mall, hell boy, I don’t want you driving round here at night!”

“Well, that’s where he said he lived and he was going to walk otherwise.”

“It’s like 15 miles!”

“Yeah I know.”

“So what street was he on?”

“I don’t know, I mean I dropped him on Huran drive, but he walked off in the opposite direction. I think he lived close but was throwing me off.”

“Ok, well I have some contacts, we’ll see if we can’t find out where he lives before he skips town and get to the bottom of this.”

“Thank you Bobby, I mean, I could be wrong or over-reacting but…”

“Son, if you’re worried that’s enough for me. If you’re wrong, there’s no harm done, I’ll do it discrete. But if you’re right then this kid could be in danger and we have to at least make sure he aint.”

Sam nodded and was about to speak but they were interrupted by a knock on the door, which Bobby got up to answer.

“Jody?”

“Hey Bobby.”

“You ok, you look like hell?”

“Just a rubbish couple days. Thought I’d come see how the boys are doing.”

“Dean is out. But Sam’s here and well, we’re already having a sharing session, so you might as well join in. What’s wrong?”

Jody sat down with a sigh and saw Sam’s worried eyes look her over. She probably looked like hell. She certainly hadn’t slept more than a few hours this week and the stress as killing her.

“Jesus, where to start. I mean I shouldn’t be saying anything about this, patient confidentiality and all but, well…” She shook her head and sighed. “This kid got brought into the ED, assault victim, stab wound, beaten to shit, I mean blood loss nearly killed him and once we got him stable it was clear he’d been raped. Probably not the first time seeing as he’d slit his arms to pieces.”

Sam couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips, he covered his face as Jody closed her eyes in pain at the memory.

“I mean, of course I’ve seen this before, but this kid can’t have been older than 20 and two little kids came in with him, apparently his little brother and sister who called the ambulance.”

“They hadn’t been…” Sam asked wide eyed.

“No, they were fine, wouldn’t say much though. He woke up and gave a false name, said he tripped and fell.”

Bobby scoffed.

“Yeah exactly. But that’s not unusual, give me enough time with them I usually get them to talk to the police, but when I mentioned I had called social services he looked spooked. Said he’d call his dad, who conveniently wasn’t around when his son was attacked.”

Bobby almost growled.

“It was clear to me he was protecting these kids, probably throwing himself under the bus to do it. I let them in to see him and left them alone for 5 minutes and they bolted.”

“Jesus.”

“Have the police found them?” Sam asked.

“No, and I spent the last few days trying to convince the hospital board to let me keep my job.”

“Surely they realize this wasn’t your fault.” Bobby exclaimed.

“I did mishandle the situation Bobby. I know and now they know it wasn’t my fault, the kid would’ve rabbited anyway. The issue I have is there is a kid running around with a stab wound, probably taking himself and two kids right back into the arms of his attackers, and the hospital’s problem is that they treated him without getting a name or health insurance details, so nobody got paid when he left.”

“Assholes.” Sam spat. “What can we do about it?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Jody shook her head. “Other than what they looked like I got nothing on the three of them.”

“Anyone who abuses a kid like that deserves their junk blowing off with a sawn off.”

“OK Bobby, I don’t think that’s going to help anyone.” Sam sighed.

“What’s up with you Sam?” Jody asked, seeing the tired drawn look on the young man’s face.

“We think my friend at college might be being abused too.” He said sadly.

“Or at the very least beaten on by homophobes.” Bobby grunted.

“Ah hell.”

The room fell into silence for a while.

“Is your job going to be ok Jody?”

“Yeah, I’m fine Sam thanks. I’m just not sure I can do this job much longer. I mean, helping people is great and it’s what I want to do, but I’m just clearing up the aftermath, I feel like I could be doing more.”

“Maybe you need a career change.” Bobby offered.

………………………..

It turned out that Lucifer did turn up first. Cas could almost hear his presence at the door before he even opened it. It was the weekend; the Kids were over playing with a school friend /and Castiel was alone.

“Hello Castiel. Still breathing I see.”

Seeing Lucifer again, Cas was rooted to the spot with fear. He wasn’t sure why. Yes, he’d almost died, but Lucifer had hurt him before and Cas had never had this reaction. He stood and tried to calm his breathing as his uncle stood in front of him.

“I would make you pay for what you did last time, but I think in a way you already did. What you haven’t paid for, however, is for me taking care of your father.”

Cas gulped and kept listening.

“You have two options. You can give me your normal payment, without a fight this time and I will dig a hole in the park and bury your dad there. No one will know you’re living here alone you keep the twins and everything goes back to normal with my bit on the side.” Lucifer smiled and licked his lips. Castiel squirmed. “Of course, that may come back to bite you. If they find out he’s dead and buried in the park… well someone will be going to prison and it won’t be me.”

Cas stood very still, waiting for the inevitable ‘or’ that would likely come with a much greater price.

“Or…” And there it was. “We can give him a proper funeral. I’ll sort out the death certificate and get custody of the little ones, keep it all legit.”

“You would take custody?” Cas glared. There was no way on earth he was letting Lucifer near the twins.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be looking after the little rodents, I’ll leave that to you. I couldn’t care less.”

“What would that cost?” Cas was surprised his voice was still working.

“Well, funerals are expensive. You would have to come back to my place. Meet some friends of mine. Be a good little slut and do what they tell you.”

“Ok.”

His Dad deserved a proper funeral, it didn’t matter what the price was for him.

“Then the funeral will be next weekend. I want you ready for us the week after, so I’m going to come over in the coming week and give you a few lessons first. My friends will be paying good money to use you and I won’t have your inexperience embarrassing me.”

“Can you come on Wednesday?”

“Why so specific?”

“The twins are at a sleep over. I’ll take the day off work.”

“Are you ashamed of what a slut you are Cassie? Don’t want them to find out?” He jibed, but Cas didn’t let the words in. “Just remember what happened last time Castiel. You fight me again, you say no to me again, ever and I will kill you. You are mine Castiel. You belong to me, any time I want you, any time at all. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.”

………………………..

Wednesday came. He took the kids to school and left a note to Lucifer in case he came while he was out. He stood in front of the mirror when he got back. He’d discarded the sling earlier in the week. His shoulder had stopped bleeding and weeping a few days ago and although it hurt a lot it was much easier to do everyday jobs with both arms available, even if one was pretty useless. He’d left the bandage on and kept it disinfected with a cheap bottle of vodka he’d got from the dodgy store on the corner. The guy never asked for ID, which Cas was very glad for.

He unwrapped the bandages from his chest and shoulder and took a good look at the wound. It was healing slowly, still bound by the self-dissolving surgical stitches and glue.

He kept himself busy until the door opened at midday.

“On your knees.” Lucifer wasted no time and Cas couldn’t help but hesitate. Lucifer was carrying a rather large bag and Cas was both desperate to know and dreading what was inside it.

“I said on your knees, middle of the room. Don’t make me ask twice bitch!"

Cas nodded and complied. He was confused as to why he hadn’t been told to strip and get on the bed, but today wasn’t going to be normal he felt, Lucifer had said he was going to teach him some things and he really didn’t like the sound of that.

“We’ve not set a date yet, but it will be after the funeral. I’ll text you and let you know then I’ll come pick you up.”

Lucifer was too preoccupied taking off his jacket to look at his nephew.

“There are two signed up already. New guy’s a voyeur, but don’t worry I’ll make sure they’ll be plenty lining up to fuck you.”

Cas winced. How had he come to this? Was he really that weak?

“You do everything they say. No crying or whimpering, no asking to stop. Moan all you like, they’ll want to hear that. Whatever they want, however weird, you do it. They are paying me good money for you and that’s what’s going to pay for your Daddy’s funeral.”

Lucifer paused, seemingly thinking of what else needed to be said.

“That going to be a problem?” He asked, prodding at Cas’ injured shoulder.

“No sir.”

“Right answer.”

“We’ll start easy. Blow me.”

“I…” Cas said

“You disobeying me, bitch?”

“No I… I don’t know…”

“You don’t know how to give a blow job?” Lucifer growled in disbelief. “I thought that’s all you little cocksuckers did.”

Cas said nothing. Lucifer sighed.

“How do you even know you’re gay if you’ve never sucked a cock before? You’ve seen pornos, just do what they do.”

At Cas’ expression Lucifer’s eyes widened.

“Have you never watched any porn?”

Cas shook his head.

“We don’t have a computer.” Cas shrugged. Not that he would have watched them even if they had.

“You are joking.”

Cas just looked at the floor.

“Fucking hell, I have to do everything! Ok, start small. Stroke me through my jeans.”

Cas reached up his hand and grabbed Lucifer’s crotch like he’d done to Cas the first time he’d submitted.

“Slowly!” Lucifer growled.

Cas started stroking slowly, using light pressure and building up, it seemed to be right as he felt the fabric starting to bulge. “Now use you face.”

Cas brought his face closer and nuzzled at the fabric. “Unzip me with your teeth.”

Cas did as he was told, looking up at Lucifer as he did then he received a harsh slap to the face

“Never look them in the eye! You’re a toy, a pet, not a person.”

Cas averted his eyes down, utterly humiliated. Every part of him was screaming not to do this, but he knew he hadn’t a choice. He just accepted and kept going.

“Hand again.” Cas pushed his hand into the jeans, palming through the thinner fabric of Lucifer’s boxers.

“Now pull it out.” Cas fumbled with the belt, pulling the jeans and boxers down just enough to free Lucifer’s dick. Lucifer’s Semi hard cock bobbed in front of his face and he paused for instructions.

“Use your hand, and your mouth. Suck. Use your tongue. Pay attention to the head and the slit. Never EVER use teeth.”

Cas looked shell shocked, trying to take in what was being asked of him.

“Go on. It’ll come naturally to a fag like you.”

Cas moved in and took it in his hand. The sight making him want to Gag. He took a breath and licked gingerly at the head.

“Come on, we haven’t got all day, put more into it.”

Cas licked again, all the way from the base to the head and started to pump his hand up the shaft like he’d seen Lucifer do to himself before.

“Better. Now get your mouth on it.”

Cas took the head into his mouth and hesitated for a second. Lucifer groaned and grabbed the back of his head, pushing Cas down. Cas gagged and tried to pull away.

“Suck. Use that tongue.”

Cas’ cheeks hollowed out as he sucked a little, the hand loosened its grip and Cas bobbed of his own accord, taking a little more in each time. He kept his hand on the base and started to move it again when Lucifer guided him too. Then he ran his tongue along the shaft inside his mouth as he moved, then pushed it into the slit as he pulled nearly off. Lucifer moaned and the salty taste of precum in his mouth made Cas feel sick.

Then both hands moved into his hair and grabbed him hard. Lucifer thrust his hips forward and Castiel gagged. Lucifer held his head there, his whole cock nearly pushed into his mouth and then pulled Cas’ face in, to take the last few centimetres as the head of his dick rammed itself down the boy’s throat.

“Swallow. Like that. Yes and again.”

Cas gasped for breath as Lucifer moved himself back out again and held his head firmly. “Now stay still while I fuck your face.” Cas did as he was told, wet half choked noises gargling from his mouth as his uncle’s balls slapped his chin. Every time Lucifer pushed himself fully into to Castiel’s mouth Cas swallowed like he’d been told.

He pulled out again, this time forcing Cas’ head down so his lips were brushing Lucifer’s ball sack.

“Suck those.”

Cas did as he was told, suckling gently and letting his hand be manoeuvred back to Lucifer’s shaft. Suddenly the dick was thrust back into his mouth as Lucifer came close to his climax.

“Suck hard and swallow, swallow it all.”

Warm salty come streamed into Castiel’s mouth and he did his best to swallow.

Lucifer panted and came down from his high. “Not bad, little bitch. We’ll do that again later you’ll have lots of cocks to attend to next week. If you have two coming at you at once, you look after them both and three, well, you have two hands one mouth. You have to keep everyone happy, if there’s more, switch around. Got it?”

Cas nodded.

“Right. Seeing as you have such a tight little pussy I’m going to stretch you. Can’t have all this squealing crap you usually do. But you are going to have to do some work yourself until I call for you.”

The next two hours were hell. He spent them face first on the bed being fucked with his uncle’s finger, then his fist, followed by dildos of increasing size until he was stretched so much he thought the last one would make him burst.

A blow job later and Lucifer was fucking him and filling him up with his seed to finish off their session. Though Lucifer still had more to say before he left.

Lucifer grabbed the rucksack and pulled out 4 butt plugs of increasing size, a realistic dildo and a bottle of lube.

“Now don’t undo all that work I did. Get some practice, work yourself up on these plugs and do yourself a favour, be on the largest one by the big day.”

He threw the bad at Castiel’s feet.

“Wear one on the day when I come and get you, clean yourself first, don’t eat for 12 hours before. Don’t have any underwear on and wear something that’s easy for us to take off you.”

The door slammed shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty horrible chapter. Dub Con and Gang bang in this. But also a little bit of positive.

 

Lucifer never told him where his father’s funeral was going to be or exactly when. It was all he could think about all weekend. He wanted to go, he was desperate to say goodbye properly, but Lucifer obviously didn’t want him there. He wondered who actually would have attended. Lucifer couldn’t have told Mum, or she’d be down here after the kids like a flash, dad didn’t have any friends or anyone besides his brother. There was no point thinking about it. His dad was gone, and he just had to move on, despite the crushing feeling inside him.

He got home on Monday, kids in tow and sat them down in the little apartment. He winced as he remembered the plug shoved between his cheeks, lucifer would probably be calling any day now. It was his first day on the biggest plug and he felt horrendously full and stretched. He wasn’t getting used to it, his body just kept trying to reject it. He wished Lucifer would hurry up and get it over with.

“Is Daddy any better today?” Anna asked, and Cas sighed. He didn’t want to hurt them, but he knew he had to.

“Anna, Alfie. I’m really sorry, but Daddy isn’t coming home.” Cas paused, sad desperate little faces looked back at him and they had already guessed what was coming next.

“Why?” Alfie asked, his strong voice quiet and small.

“Daddy’s gone to live with the angels. He was very sick, and the doctors did their best, but they couldn’t save him.”

Little eyes filled with tears and suddenly both children were sobbing.

“I want Daddy back!” Anna sobbed and Castiel’s heart broke.

“I know honey, I’m so sorry. If I could bring him back I would. But he can’t come back.” Castiel sobbed back, clutching Anna a little tighter as his shoulder wouldn’t allow him to hold Alfie well.

It took 2 hours to calm them down and for the tears to run out. He put them to bed and stayed with them a little while, his own soul numb and empty as he returned to the kitchen and fell exhausted onto the sofa.

He knew it would make Lucifer mad, but he added a few more cuts that night, but none of the feeling came back. He didn’t sleep either. Just stared out the window until the sun started to rise.

……………

It was Thursday afternoon when Lucifer called. Cas was at work.

“Custody is all sorted. The twins are mine. I’ll be coming over tomorrow at 11. Be at home, be alone and be ready.”

That was all he got before the line went dad. He was using his father’s old phone, there was no way he was letting lucifer know he had one of his own.

Now he’d had the call he felt physically sick, he put the phone down and leant heavily against the counter. He was really going to do this, just do everything that this bunch of strangers asked him too, let them use him and violate him. His breathing was getting heavy and the world in front of him started to spin. He hadn’t eaten for a good day and the lack of blood sugar was not helping at this time.

He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t let this happen. But if he didn’t Lucifer would kill him. He knew that. And then what would happen to the twins?

“Hey Clarence. Breathe. What’s wrong?” Meg’s voice asked a little panicked.

“I…”Cas tried, but the words wouldn’t come. He felt Meg’s worried hand on his back. And tried to stand up straight. “Sorry Meg I don’t feel so…”

Cas’ eyes rolled back into his skull and he buckled without warning.

“Clarence!” Meg managed to grab an arm and lower him gently. But Cas didn’t respond.

It was a few minutes before the blue eyes opened and looked at her, his face a muddle of confusion.

“Hey Clarence, Take it easy.” Meg said sweetly, which was very unlike her.

Cas had no intention of getting up right now. He felt like he’d been bulldozed, his muscles where a shaky screaming mess.

“You ok? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“I’m fine.” Cas shivered.

“No, you’re not. Go home, get some rest, I don’t want to see you tomorrow either.”

Cas grunted. That was one way to get out of work, so he could pay Lucifer tomorrow.

“Can you walk?”

“I think so.” Cas nodded and took the offered hand. He swayed a little

“Sorry Meg.”

“What the hell for? You can’t help getting sick, now get out of here.”

………………………………….

When the car pulled up at the house, which he assumed was Lucifer’s Cas gulped. Fear was all he felt. Every fibre of him screaming. He’d prepared in every way lucifer had asked, but hadn’t been able to get the kids in anywhere after school. Donna couldn’t pick them up, she’d gone on holiday, so somehow he would have to make sure that they were done by the time school was out.

There were three other men waiting in the house for Lucifer to bring him. Cas labelled them 1, 2 & 3 as he walked in.

Number 3 was huge and eyed him hungrily the minute Lucifer pushed him through the door. He was at least 6’2 and built like a football player, bald and covered in tatts. This is exactly what Cas had been expecting, but he’d hoped for better.

Number 2 was a normal build, a little smaller than Lucifer in height, his face was stoic, but Cas could sense the excitement and the arousal.

“Pretty boy. Can I keep him after?” Number 3 sneered.

“I’d wait to see if he’s any good first.” Number 2 retorted.

Number 1 said nothing. Cas didn’t even look at him, his eyes flicking from Lucifer back to the biggest threat in the room, number 3.

“Is he clean?” Number 2 asked.

“Well I’m the only one that’s used him and I’m clean. So, it’s up to you guys.” Lucifer said casually.

“I’ll take the risk. It feels so much better with nothing in the way.”

“Do we have to use lube?”

“He’s used to it without.” Lucifer offered.

“I want to see him. Take your clothes of little bitch.” Number 3 growled.

Cas did as he was told without a word. He’d been instructed not to speak to them unless it was a yes sir, no sir situation and under no circumstances tell them any personal information. He was just there as a set of holes to be fucked.

“Hands and knees pretty boy.”

“Look at that ass. Lucifer where did you find this creature?” Cas felt hands squeezing at his cheeks and pulling them apart, humming at the sight of the plug nestled there. He felt what he suspected was teeth tug on it a little which was a very uncomfortable sensation.

“He’s very green so don’t break him too early. I don’t fancy cleaning up a mess.” Lucifer warned.

After some more groping of his ass and dick, pants were unzipped and Cas was put to work.

The fourth man in the room, Number one as Cas had deemed him stayed in his corner and watched.

Number one hated the fact that he was growing hard watching this, but he knew better than to think it was because he was enjoying seeing this kid used as nothing more than a set of holes for these perverts to fuck. He’d had to get his cock out to stroke it as he watched, to keep up appearances and play the role of the voyeur. He hated that he couldn’t help this kid right now, but he had to bide his time. Lucifer was up to more than this and although it was clear the kid didn’t want to be here, he was playing along. He hadn’t said no and that would play as consent in court. It wasn’t enough to put these animals away.

He tried to zone out as the young man was choked on Number 3’s huge cock. The kid was clearly inexperienced, but already being forced to deep throat and he certainly wasn’t into it. It wasn’t long before the plug was wrenched out of the kid’s ass and turns were taken fucking into his sloppy open hole.

“Still so tight even after that plug.” One of them moaned. It was the big guy, number 3 and it was clear from the kid’s face he was having a hard time taking that monster cock. Lucifer moved in to fuck the kid’s face as he was pounded into from behind. He stepped out the way before he reached his climax, letting number 2 in to have a go. The boy tried to keep his focus into the blow job but every now and then he could see the pain as number 3 slammed in with a harder stroke. Number 2 came down his throat and the kid swallowed. 2 swapped places with number 3 and the cycle continued.

An hour in and the kid hadn’t orgasmed once, he was only semi hard and come dripped from his hair and chin, painting his back and dripping from his hole. He was choking again on number 3’s dick when lucifer mounted him for the first time.

Number 1 knew that Lucifer took pride in being the first one to make the subjects come. It was a statement of dominance in the room, though he also spent plenty of time with the subjects before to know exactly how to make them beg.

It was so clear that this boy wasn’t aroused by what was happening that he wondered if even Lucifer would succeed in getting him to orgasm. But within a few strokes he started hitting the boys prostrate and his dick started to look interested. Moans started tumbling from the boys cock filled mouth and number 1 was desperate to look away. It took a few pumps of Lucifer’s fist on the boy’s rather impressive cock for his stomach to be painted in his own release and then Lucifer spent his load while the boy trembled in exhaustion and shame.

“Think he can take 2 up that tight little ass.” Number 2 slapped the kid’s ass hard leaving a red handprint.

The kid squirmed a little, the panic clear on his face. The boy looked to the ring leader in the room. Lucifer. The man who Number 1 was supposed to be sticking to like glue and the man who was clearly forcing the kid to be here. The kid was pleading with his eyes, but Lucifer just chuckled.

“Only one way to find out.”

The boy looked at Lucifer in horror, trying to conceal a sob. The voyeur felt sick. At the very least this was going to hurt he kid like hell, and it had the potential to cause some serious damage. The latter was far more likely, with how panicked the boy now looked.

“If you’re doing double I want in.” Number 1 spoke up. He didn’t want to get involved with this, not in the slightest, but if they were going to do it he needed to help the kid, at least have 50% of the control.

“Well this is a turn up.” Lucifer smirked. “We’ve finally found something to get Mr. Reese in on the action. Well he’s all yours.”

Number 1, or Mr. Reese as it was now clear, sat himself on the sofa, slouched and shrugged off his jeans. He beckoned the boy closer, guiding him to straddle his lap. He gave his own dick a few more pumps to make get it hard enough, before taking the boy by the hips and lifting him up so his feet where on the sofa either side of his legs. The boy got the hint. He took hold of Mr. Reese’s member and lined himself up, sinking down slowly till he was fully speared on the older man’s dick. The boy started to move, but Reese stopped him, threading a hand round the boy’s lower back and bringing their faces closer together, making him lean forward. Mr. Reese slid his hand down to the boy’s hole, very gently sliding another finger in alongside his cock. The boy shivered and tried to hide the pain in his features.

The others were chatting behind them, half watching, half satisfying each other while they waited for their turn. He spoke to the boy in whisper, so they wouldn’t be overheard.

“You have to relax.” Mr. Reese soothed. “Do you understand me? They are really going to hurt you if you don’t relax.” He said sternly, and the boy looked at him in confusion, tilting his head to the side in a manner that unwittingly made blood shoot to Reese’s dick. Those eyes were incredible. He moaned but composed himself.

“I will prepare you as best I can, but you’ve not done this before have you?”

The boy looked towards Lucifer.

“Don’t look at him, look at me. I’m sorry this is going to happen, I can’t stop it, but let me help, ok? You’ve not done this before?”

The boy shook his head.

“Ok. Just relax and look at me.”

A second finger slipped in and the boy flinched violently at the pain.

“Breathe. Relax. When you tense it hurts. Just relax.”

The boy did relax a little and the pain faded from his features. Mr. Reese moved his hips and fingers a little, trying to stretch him out slowly and carefully.

“Come on, that’s enough, I want to see this slut stuffed full of two cocks.” Number 2 pushed his way forward and Mr. Reese quickly removed his fingers, manoeuvring them both together so he was lied out along the length of the couch on his back with the boy on top, facing him. He carefully pulled the boy forward onto his elbows. It would be far easier for the second man to enter him at this angle and hopefully less painful. He just hoped he was slow.

Number 2 lined up eagerly, humming out aroused noises and yeses as he thought about what he was going to do.

Mr. Reese ran his hands up and down the boys sides to comfort him, keeping his eyes locked with the frightened blue orbs and trying to exude calm. Suddenly the boy groaned in pain and he heard the matching groan of arousal from above him.

‘Relax’ he mouthed. “It’s ok.” He whispered. The boy groaned again louder, more desperate, letting out little half panicked yelps of pain and number 2 fully sheathed himself. Tears were pricking at the boy’s eyes as he panted and yelped, trying hard to relax at the impossible feeling of fullness or panic at the large bulge in his stomach, which number 2 was prodding in amusement.

“So full. You look so good.” The man groaned “You want us both so bad don’t you?” The boy only blinked in pain.

“Don’t You?” The man asked insistently.

“Yes sir.” The boy grunted. His voice was deep and gravely and ooh so attractive. Jesus, Reese had to calm himself. Number 2 looked eager to pound into the boy, but he was still not relaxed, it was going to hurt him badly.

“Let the slut get used to it before you move. Don’t want to break him just yet.” Mr. Reese told number 2. Number 2 just sighed in arousal, while the boy panted at the sensation of being stretched so full. The boy was relaxing, but the pain was still very present.

Mr. Reese reached down and stroked the boy’s large member, hoping that some arousal, however unwanted would help ease the pain. It wasn’t long before the boy’s panting breaths became aroused and he grew harder in Reese’s hand. The kid moaned and number 2 took that as his cue to start moving. The moan suddenly turned into a cry of pain again and Mr. Reese pumped harder, pulling the boy into his shoulders, faces pressing together. “Relax. Relax. It’ll get easier. Just relax.”

But as number 2 sped up the boy’s cries got more desperate and pained. Thankfully the boy’s pain seemed to turn on number 2, who reached orgasm after a few minutes of thrusts.

“My turn.” Number 3 growled as number 2 pulled out, and spent his load up the boys back. Number 3 was bigger, a lot bigger. His huge cock stretched the boy on his own, without Mr. Reese already being inside him. The boy was already shaking and panting on top of him and he wasn’t sure he could take another round of double.

And number 3 wasn’t gentle in the slightest. He grabbed the boy’s ass, spreading his gorgeous cheeks and thrust himself in without warning.

The boy howled in agony and desperation. It was an awful sound that made Reese grab hold of him in fear, pulling him into an embrace and muttering desperately into his ear. “Relax, relax, relax, its ok, is ok. I’ve got you. It’s ok.” But the boy wailed again and Reese felt the bile ride.

“Stop!” He barked at number 3 and much to number 3’s credit he was already pulling out in shock as the boy sobbed. Mr. Reese kept holding him tight, glaring at Lucifer telling him to stop this.

“Come on Graham!” Lucifer barked. “Don’t break him already, you’ve paid for another 3 hours.”

Number 2 just chuckled, getting hard off the sound of the boy’s cries.

Graham. Reese had another name to add to the list. Graham was going to pay.

The boy just whimpered and sobbed, he couldn’t hide the pain anymore. Lucifer rolled his eyes. What a way to kill the mood.

“Ok get off him. Let’s go get a drink, then we’ll start again when he’s composed himself.” Lucifer commanded.

“Can I stay with him?” Mr. Reese asked, trying to sound horny rather than desperate.

“Sure.” Lucifer said. “You’ve watched and waited long enough, have your fun with him.” Lucifer had a suspicion that the voyeur Mr. Reese had some weird kinks and had been gagging for time alone with one of his subjects since he’d started tagging along. He might as well let him now. He also knew he was gentle, not rough like the rest of them. The toy would be in one piece when he got back.

The men pulled on their pants and left, the door slamming in annoyance.

“Jesus Christ.” Reese hissed. He realized that the boy had completely collapsed on top of him with Reese’s cock still inside him. Reese moved the boy carefully, sliding out as delicately as he could to a whimper and cry of pain that made him shiver in horror. He slipped out from underneath the boy leaving him on the couch. The boy was shaking, and his eyes were glazed, then Reese saw his own dick was smeared with blood.

“Shit.” He pulled apart the boy’s cheeks hastily, but delicately and he flinched at the sight. The boy was torn, not too badly, but now he was shaking violently. He was going into shock. Reese grabbed a towel for the blood and put it between the boy’s legs and then grabbed a duvet off Lucifer’s bed and wrapped the boy in it like a cocoon.

“Jesus Christ these assholes.”

The boy instinctively clung to the duvet until his knuckles went white. His blue orbs were open, but nothing was behind them.

“Shit.” If he couldn’t calm the kid down, he was going to have to take him to hospital and that would blow the whole operation. He put his hand on the kid’s forehead and stroked his hair. His skin was cold and his breathing uneven. He slid himself back underneath the boy, rubbing his chest through the blanket, trying to get some warmth back into him.

“Its ok. They’re gone now. I’ve got you. It’s over. Your safe.” Reese repeated the phrases over and over while carding his fingers through the boy’s hair and rubbing his chest. It took about 10 minutes, but finally the blue-eyed boy shifted a little.

“You ok? You with me?”

There was a nod.

“I’d like you to speak to me if you can.”

The boy cleared his throat and his voice came out a deep grumble. “I’m fine thank you.”

Reese slid out again and stood up, heading for the kitchen, when he heard the rustle of the duvet as the kid started to get up.

“Hey, no!” Reese yelled. The boy had shaken off the duvet and was on his knees sat on his feet on the floor in a pose of submission.

“No, I’m not going to use you, you get back on that couch and rest.”

The boy looked at him confused. The man wasn’t going to use him… but Lucifer had said… He’d sounded like… Everyone used him. That’s what he was for. That was his purpose.

Reese saw all these things flash across the boy’s face and it made him feel sick. This was a human being sat in front of him. A human being, that should have free will and…

“Why?” The boy asked, and Reese just stared at him.

“Why? Because what just happened, that was not ok! I’m going to look after you ok and you’re going to let me.”

The boy nodded and got back under the duvet. Lucifer had made it clear that he should do everything he was told. Maybe this was this guy’s kink or something, looking after people. It would make a nice change anyway, but he didn’t let himself think this meant the guy really cared. He knew that no one did.

“Here, drink this.” The boy frowned as he was helped to sit up. This guy wasn’t trying to roofie him, was he?

“Relax it’s orange juice.” It was the only thing non-alcoholic in Lucifer’s kitchen apart from some cheese, moldy bread and a cupboard full of protein bars. “Nice and slow.” Reese helped the boy sip the drink and he was completely pliant in his arms. This was wrong. This was just so wrong. He wished he’d never taken up this assignment, but these guys needed taking down and if he hadn’t been there today… well, he didn’t want to think about that.

“You think you could eat some of this?” Reese offered him a protein bar.

“Ok.” The boy didn’t look convinced but complied immediately.

“No, it was a question, if you feel sick or you don’t want it, you don’t have to.” Reese smiled, and the boy looked at the bar thoughtfully, but didn’t respond. Even if the kid wouldn’t eat now, he needed to make sure he had something later.

“Look, it’s here if you want it. Ok? Did you bring a bag with you?” The boy’s eyes travelled to a rucksack in the corner. Reese got up, setting the half-finished glass aside. He took a few protein bars from the cupboard and returned to the room.

“It’s yours not his, right?”

“Yes.” The voice croaked, quivering with pain.

Reese unzipped it and pushed them right to the bottom of the boy’s bag while he watched in confusion.

“For after ok? So he won’t find them.” He smiled and sat down with him again. “You want some more juice?”

The boy nodded.

“What can I call you?”

The boy shook his head.

“Can be anything, don’t have to be your real name.”

“Clarence.” He said quietly.

“Clarence? Like from it’s a wonderful life?”

“What do you mean?” Clarence asked between sips.

“You’ve never seen it’s a wonderful life?”

“I haven’t seen many movies. My friend just calls me that, I don’t know why.”

Cas wasn’t sure why he just referred to Meg as a friend, he supposed she was. She had clearly been worried about him yesterday, so yes, he supposed she was the closest thing she had right now.

“Ok.” He smiled. “Well Clarence is an angel in the film, so I think your friend likes you a lot.”

“Oh. Ok.” The boy smiled a little at that thought and it made Reese’s heart warm.

“Alright then angel boy. Do you mind if I ask you some stuff?”

Clarence shrugged.

“How old are you.”

“I’m not supposed to say.”

“I’m not going to hurt you and I’m not going to tell Lucifer. I need you to know that ok, buddy?”

The boy looked at him in wonder, trying to figure out if he was sincere. He was asking the kid to take a huge risk here, if Lucifer found out he would likely be beaten, or even killed and Clarence had no reason to trust Reese.

“I’m 19.” Reese smiled. Not at his age, cos damn he was young. Not underage, but this had probably been happening for a while. He dreaded to think. But the kid had decided to trust him and that could be really helpful to the investigation.

“Who is Lucifer to you? How did he get you into this?”

“No. I can’t.” The boy started to panic.

“Ok. Ok.” Reese soothed. “I won’t ask again.” He breathed. “You don’t have to answer anything, just if you want to.”

Clarence relaxed a little but seemed preoccupied.

“Can I?” Clarence pulled his arm out from under the duvet ad reached for the glass.

“Yeah, sure sorry.” Of course he’d rather feed himself, poor dude probably thought he was another weirdo sex addict with a kink for feeding people. He handed over the glass and watched quietly as he took a few sips.

“Feeling any better?”

“A little. Thank you.”

“Want that protein bar?”

Clarence nodded and Reese handed it over. “Just take it easy ok?”

The boy took small nibbles, but Reese could tell he was employing a huge amount of self-control not to wolf it down. He was built strongly, but was so, so thin that he imagined a lot of muscle had wasted away. It was a miracle he wasn’t very ill.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Wednesday morning.”

“Jesus. Why so long?”

“Not enough money. I’m saving up.”

“Saving up?” Reese smiled. “What for?”

Clarence turned his head away.

“To get away?” Reese asked. And Clarence nodded hesitantly. “Lucifer is paying you for this?”

Clarence shook his head.

“No?” Reese asked in surprise.

“I’m repaying him, for something he helped me with.”

Reese felt his blood boil. What on earth Lucifer did to get power over this guy he didn’t know but this was not how anyone should be made to repay a debt. It was rape. Pure and simple. And he was sat here taking part in it, unable to do a god damn thing to stop it.

“Is this Lucifer’s house?”

“I think so.”

“So, you’ve never been here before.”

“No.”

“You do those yourself?” Reese asked sadly, tracing the long straight scars on forearms lightly. Most of them weren’t very fresh, maybe a few weeks old, but there were 5 or 6 that were newly scabbed. He could venture a guess as to why they’d been made.

“Yes.” Clarence confirmed, the shame in his eyes made Reese run a hand through his hair in comfort. The silent words saying its nothing to be ashamed of.

“What about that one?” His hand hovered over his shoulder, the familiar tall ellipse scar of a stab wound stood out as fresh and healing.

“Stabbed.”

“Who by?”

“Dunno.” Lie. Reese could see that. Lucifer, he guessed.

“How long ago?”

“Three weeks.” Reese frowned. It should have healed better than that by now, it had been stitched when it had first happened by the look of it, but there had been no aftercare. That wound was going to trouble him for the rest of his life.

“Let me see if I can get you some painkillers.”

The others were going to be back any time now and that would mean Clarence would be put straight back to work, with a torn anus and a ton of pain. Internally Reese was just as torn. He was desperate to save this boy, get him out of there. Maybe he could do it without breaking cover, but likely he would blow the operation. And if he couldn’t get these guy’s put away for life, then the boy would just be straight back into danger, in fact he would probably be blamed for it. He decided to let Clarence decide his own fate.

“I could get you out of here, before they come back.” Reese said calmly as Clarence swallowed the pain killers, frowning at him again in confusion. “When they come back they are going to carry on like before, hopefully without the double… and I can’t do anything to stop them. I could take you out of here, say you needed a hospital, take you somewhere safe.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

Reese sighed.

“I knew what I was getting into, I have to do this anyway.”

“Why, why do you have to?”

“It’s not of import…”

“I’d argue it is.”

“I can’t tell you that.”

There was a rumble of an engine outside. The others were back.

“Last chance.”

“Thank you for helping me, but I have to stay here.”

“Ok. Give me that duvet then before they see.”

Reese lay the duvet back on the bed as it had been when he’d retrieved it, then shoved the box of painkillers and all the money he had in the boy’s bag and crouched over the boy so when the door opened it looked like he’d been busy.

So, he’d managed to keep his cover. Reese went back to his voyeur role as Clarence submitted to the now drunk gang.

………………………………………….

When it ended Cas was mess. The last person let go and he just collapsed to the floor, any thoughts of dignity gone. He wasn’t really conscious, just an exhausted used mess, sticky with sperm and sweat and his own blood slicking up his legs.

“Get in the shower. I’m not having you dirty up my truck.” Lucifer barked.

Cas didn’t move, he couldn’t. He was just too tired. He could feel the darkness taking him. He didn’t even feel Lucifer kick him in the gut, just noticing the switch in perception as his body was rolled onto his back. He thought he felt lucifer slapping his face, but he didn’t care. He let his eyes slip closed.

He did feel the sharpness on his shoulder wound being pressed on roughly, but it was only enough to illicit a weak groan.

Lucifer was getting pissed now. He could feel it in the air. He prepared himself for the blows but all he felt was a sharp scratch on his arm, not unlike when he cut himself.

Then suddenly his body jolted, and his eyes snapped open. His heart pounded in his chest, his blood buzzing and his lungs panting for air. He was wide awake, and any trace of fatigue had simply vanished, washed away by the thrumming in his veins. He looked around widely, the room spinning, the world moving too fast like he pressed fast forward on the TV by accident.

“What was that?” He gasped.

“That’s a little bit of speed for you nephew. Now get in that shower before it wears off.”

Cas staggered to his feet as Lucifer threw his clothes at him and shoved him into the bathroom.

“Should have given you that hours ago.” Lucifer muttered as the bathroom door closed.

Cas could barely appreciate his first warm shower for years with the buzzing that was going on in his head. Everything was sharp, his touch his sight his hearing. The noises of the street outside where loud and close, yet far away. His heart hadn’t slowed down at all, but his breathing had a little. He felt like if that bathroom door opened he would run, run for miles as fast as he could and not get tired.

He finished his shower quickly and got dressed. He picked up his bag and tried to get used to the buzzing as Lucifer drive him back wordlessly. It was already 3pm when he got back, the twins would finish school in an hour and he had to get to the bus stop. He’d missed two days of work and would probably be missing a third tomorrow, so 4 miles to save $4 was the necessary step.

He started walking fast and the faster he walked the stronger the buzzing got. It felt great, it felt amazing. He felt indestructible so he started to jog, then run, then gallop. He made the bus stop in under half an hour, panting heavily. He knew his ass was bleeding again, but the pain seemed dull and he was wearing dark pants that would hide the wetness. He had to try hard not to jog on the spot as he waited for the bus, his body was telling him to go constantly.

He wondered how long this stuff was going to take to wear off and what the consequences would be. Best not to think about that right now.

He must have looked a sight when he picked up the twins, because all the parents where giving him disgusted looks. He got out of there as quickly as he could. If the twins noticed something wrong they stayed silent as Cas tapped his foot incessantly on the floor for the entire bus journey.

By the time he got home his pulse was throbbing in his ears and he was starting to get tired. Very tired. The pain returned, and he cursed himself for the damage he’d likely cause as a result of his sudden athletic feat. He sent the twins to bed immediately as he rifled through his bag for the protein bars.

There were 4 and he ate them all, one after another. Then he ate what was left of the yoghurt in the fridge and drank the milk, but he was still starving. He rifled through his bag for more when he came across the cash. $312. Mr. Reese must have put in there. He had time to thank God silently before fatigue hit him like a train.

………………………………

When he woke up there was the strong smell of vomit close to his head. He recoiled in disgust as the pain hit him in waves. Thank god he’d passed out on his side and not choked on his own puke, now he’d have to clean that up and he felt like utter shit.

He was sore and stiff and ached all over. His limbs were shaking in uncontrollable tremors as the y craved the drug that had burnt itself out. He felt like he’d run a marathon and he supposed he probably would have if the bus had been any later. It was 6am, they were late for school! Then he quickly realized it was a Saturday and he was safe. But that meant he had to be at work in 2 hours and the kids needed to go to Donna’s. She’d have got back last night. Canary Islands he thought it was, he’d have to be careful she didn’t talk his ear off about it.

He was starving again, but If he saved the money and went to the realtor’s today, he’d have just enough to get down the deposit and then they could get away. Safety before food he decided and that’s just what he did.

…………………….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual some pain, but also some fluff and romance in this chapter.

Quitting college had been the right decision. Everything had been that little bit better than before. Money was that little bit less tight, there was certainly no work to keep up with, no added stress of avoiding the football team and despite working more hours they were better hours and he had more time to spend with the twins.

Moving across the city felt like half measures. He’d have left the country if he could have.

They had secured the apartment across town, but from the day Cas had handed in the deposit, the current tenants had, had another 3 months on the lease. They were just playing a waiting game.

But now the day was nearly upon them. In 8 days they would be in their new home. In 10 days the twins would have their 6th Birthday and Cas had been able to get them some awesome birthday presents. They already had their outfits from the thrift saw, the princess dress and batman costume, but he’d been able to get Anna the entire 8 books in a series she had been begging for him to read to her and Alfie would get some comics and Avengers action figures. He got them both the movie frozen too, it was huge at school and none of them had seen it, so he didn’t want them to feel left out. The new apartment had a DVD player and TV included with the furniture and a washing machine, which meant no more hand washing.

The wait had already seemed like forever and Cas was desperate to get out of this slum of a house they lived in and leave all the memories behind with it. The dent in the wall where lucifer had bashed his head into it two years ago, the bed where at 15 years old his uncle had first raped him. The cracked tile where he had the knife thrust into his shoulder. A broken cupboard door. That stain on the carpet. The corner of the kitchen where he’d curled up with his Dad’s body and prayed he would come back.

The new apartment would come at a price of course. Everything in life did. It was much more expensive than the slum they were living in, still cheap by San Jose standards, but that didn’t help them much. He’d picked up another job two months ago at the gas and sip. He’d worked hard and was praying he’d get fast tracked to duty manager at the end of the month. The pay rise would take them from scrabbling to comfortable, if he got it, and give him the option for some sort of career rather than a dead-end job waiting tables.

Speaking of waiting tables, Meg definitely hadn’t realized he was gay and he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her. She was constantly flirting with him, but he didn’t mind so much. She somehow never made him feel uncomfortable. They shouldn’t get on, they really, really shouldn’t but they just did. It was weird, but it was the only relationship he had with another human being outside of the twins at the moment and it kept him away from the despair and loneliness that losing his Dad had left him.

Lucifer’s visits were less frequent now. He hadn’t seen him for a whole month since paying for Dad’s funeral.

He certainly didn’t seem as interested in his little fuck toy of late, though if he called Cas came running and fast. It wasn’t worth making his uncle angry, ever again. It seemed Cas was just his last resort now and he was glad of it. Apparently, he had much better toys to play with now. He prayed for those people, whoever they were. They didn’t deserve what Lucifer would be doing to them.

His only worry now was Lucifer finding out. If they could move without Lucifer knowing, then maybe he wouldn’t bother looking.

“Cassie can we have ice cream?” Alfie said peering into the freezer at the store as Cas pushed the trolley around lost in thought.

“Yes, can we pleeeease!”Anna concurred.

“Err, how much is it?” Cas asked rhetorically. He looked at the price tag and ran a few calculations in his head. They had money, but the budget would be tight when they moved. Saving money right now was everything and there wasn’t really room for additions and if they had it once, they’d want it again.

“Well guys have a choice to make. If you have the ice cream you can’t have crisps for lunch this week. So, it’s up to you. Crisps or ice cream?” Cas smiled, pleased at his solution.

Alfie and Anna looked at each other

“I like crisps in my pack up.”Alfie said to his sister.

“Are crisps better than ice cream?” Anna asked.

“I’m not sure.”

“Just one week without crisps?” Anna asked Castiel.

“Yes one week.”

“Then I want ice cream.” Alfie said.

“Ice cream!” Anna exclaimed.

“Ok then sweetheart, go put the crisps back over there.”

Anna grabbed the crisps from the cart and toddled off, not looking where she was going.

“Hey, careful there little one!” A guy exclaimed as Anna ran straight into his legs.

“Oh God, Sorry! Anna please watch where you are going.” Cas scorned the small red head, who was now walking backwards, much to Castiel’s annoyance.

Cas bent down to pick up Anna and stopped dead as he straightened. He was staring into the most beautiful green eyes he’d ever seen, a lightly freckled face with perfect features stared back at him and he recoiled a little in shock at how his heart had started racing.

“It’s no problem.” The man smiled, and his voice rendered Cas speechless. The man’s his eyes seemed equally tied to Castiel’s face as they both stayed silent for a minute, taking in each other’s gaze.

“Can you put me down now!” Anna whined.

“Errm, yes sorry honey. Just put watch where you are going will you?” He called after her as she wandered back down the aisle with the crisps.

The man’s eyes hadn’t left Castiel’s face and now he was stood a little further away Cas realized there was something familiar about him, especially his voice. Those warm honey tones of his hair and the smell of engine oil whisked Castiel’s attention away again as he went to push the cart away.

“Ermm Hey.” The man said nervously, mesmerized by the blue eyes he thought he’d missed his chance to see again. “Are they yours?” He gestured to the twins. “I mean you look too young to have kids, not that I’m saying… I…”

Cas chuckled at the man’s stuttering. “They’re my brother and sister. Twins. I’m just looking after them.”

“Good.” He said hastily. “I mean… so… never mind.” The man turned away from Cas who seemed to be sucking the words out of his brain and making it impossible to come up with a coherent sentence. He turned to Alfie instead. “So, what’s you name little guy?”

The boy looked at Cas who nodded for him to go ahead. “I’m Alfie.”

“Well Hi Alfie, how old are you?”

“I’ll be 6 next week.” He said proudly.

“Wow 6 years old! Nearly a grown up.” The green-eyed man smiled, and Alfie grinned back. “Well happy birthday for next week Alfie.”

“Thank you!” Alfie smiled.

Cas smiled, as the man stood up but looked at him curiously.

“Sorry, this may seem a random question but have we met before?” Cas tilted his head to the side in his trademark way and the man laughed nervously.

“Well, not met exactly but I think I know you. You used to work at Ellen’s bar, right? You’re Steve?”

“Er, yes.” Cas stuttered.

“I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.”

It was Cas’ turn to stare dumbfounded for a moment. Shit. This was Dean. Sam’s brother Dean. Dean who had a crush on him, Dean. No, he remembered the flash of green eyes he had seen and tried to ignore all those months ago. The same green eyes that were now refusing to leave his face.

“Err, well, it’s nice to meet you Dean.” Cas shook Dean’s hand as Anna toddled back and Alfie was looking at Cas in confusion.

“Anna, this is Dean.”

“Sorry for bumping into you Dean.”

“That’s fine Anna, I’m actually kind of glad you did.” Dean winked at Cas, who blushed the brightest shade of red he’d ever seen. Dean chuckled inside. Bingo, Gaydar activated.

“Are you a Prince?” Anna asked. “Because you look like all the Princes do in all the movies.”

Cas nearly spluttered in laughter. He agreed with Anna of course, but was his baby sister really trying to hit on this guy?

Dean just chuckled shaking his head. “Now a little birdie told me you are going to be 6 years old next week.”

“How did you know!” Anna gasped, and Cas chuckled as Dean continued talking to the twins. He watched Dean mesmerized, he was so good with the kids, and so goddamn beautiful. He knew he shouldn’t be letting himself fall like this, he couldn’t have a relationship, especially not with Sam’s brother but he was already imagining it.

“Tell me something about yourself Steve.”

Cas was startled from his fantasy, not even realizing that Dean had finished his conversation with Anna.

“Steve doesn’t suit you.” Dean continued. There was a spark in his eye now that told Cas that the green-eyed definition of a perfect man seemed to have regained his confidence.

“Angel.” He hummed. “I’m going to call you angel.” Cas felt the air leave his lungs. “That ok with you, angel?”

Dean dropped an octave for the last word and Cas blushed deep crimson again and stuttered. “I-I… guess.”

“Good.” Dean smiled mischievously. “So how old are you?”

“19.” Cas said hesitantly. He was going to lie, but somehow, he just couldn’t bring himself to.

“Ok.” Dean raised his eyebrow. A 2-year age gap was alright. “So, you at College?”

“No, just working.”

“Same here, I work at the garage. My little brother’s studying law. Nerd.” He added the last word affectionately.

“You have any other family?” Cas asked, trying to hide how utterly bamboozled he was feeling and appear as a fully functioning adult.

“Just my Dad, Mum died when I was little. Dad’s friend Bobby puts us up cos Dad’s working all the time.”

“What does he do?”

“Well we’re the Winchesters of the Winchester mystery house in town.”

“Really?” Cas asked surprised.

“Yeah, have to go into the family business according to Dad, but he’s never around, so why should I? I like cars not scamming tourists.”

“Huh, I can relate.” Cas nodded.

“Your Dad not around much either?” Dean asked curiously.

“You could say that.” Cas’ heart dropped sharply, and he pushed back the emotions before they could take hold and ruin this. He looked at the twins and thankfully they hadn’t heard. He didn’t want to upset them again with the memory.

“Well, you know if you’re ever stuck for a job I’m pretty sure Ellen’d take you back.”

Cas laughed sadly. “No that’s fine. I’m sorted at a diner in town.”

“Oh yeah, where abouts?”

“Hell’s kitchen.”

“I know it, good burgers. Meg master’s runs the place.”

“Yeah.” Cas smiled. He probably shouldn’t have told Dean that. They moved towards the checkout Alfie and Anna looking at each other and whispering, between themselves. They were very in to trying to prank him at the moment, so they were probably collaborating ready to surprise him tonight. He just hoped they didn’t turn into Gabriel as they grew up. He wasn’t sure he had the strength or patience to raise them If they were going to.

“I bet she’s all over an angel like you.” He laughed. “Piece of work that woman. We never really got on. Shame, she does great burgers.”

“She’s certainly different.” Cas nodded. He didn’t really like Dean talking about Meg like that. “The burgers are good though.” He agreed.

“Well, I might have to pop in again, see if any of the new staff are good looking.” He winked as Cas paid the Cashier.

“Maybe you should do that.” Cas smiled. “It was nice to meet you Dean.” He smiled again and left the store, feeling on cloud nine.

…………………………

Ask for his number. Ask for his number. Ask for his number!!!! Dean was screaming inside his head all the way through the checkout, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Seriously!” He yelled to himself as he rounded the corner behind the store. He never parked in the lot, he didn’t want some stay at home mum scratching his baby.

He was furious with himself. How could he let a guy like that get away? He was perfect. His eyes were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and that goddamn ass. He didn’t even want the guy in the way he normally did. He didn’t want to grab him and fuck him in the backseat, well he did, kind of. Maybe eventually anyway but not yet. He just wanted to get lost in those eyes, hold him close, take him somewhere nice. Make him laugh, make him smile, because his world felt complete when he saw that smile. And that was weird. Dean Winchester didn’t do chick flick moments. He didn’t do romance and he certainly didn’t do couple stuff. But he wanted to with Steve; With this angel of a man who he’d let walk away without asking for his number.

He saw a small metal post and kicked it hard in frustration. Then the pain grew in his foot and he yelped, just adding to his frustration.

When he got back in the car Sam was laughing at him.

“Shut up.”

“Is your foot ok?” Sam smirked.

“It’s fine. And it’ll be going up your ass in a minute if you don’t shut it.”

“What was that tantrum about?”

“Shut up Sammy!” Dean yelled louder.

“No seriously what. Someone take the last pie?”

“No, I got the pie.” Dean huffed. “But I let something much, much sweeter get away.”

“What?” Sam asked intrigued. “Or should I ask who?”

“The love of my life!” Dean threw his hands up.

“Oh come on Dean! Again? Yesterday you were still pining over Steve!”

“This was Steve! I just saw him in there! He has the sweetest little brother and sister, works at Hell’s kitchen now, is 19 years old and I couldn’t make myself ask for his fucking number! I just let him walk off into the sunset without a way to find him again.”

Sam was laughing his head off.

“Shut up its not funny.”

“It kind of is. You’ve been pining over him for months and Mr. smooth here freezes up asking for a guy’s number. Maybe it is love!”

Dean slammed a Led zeppelin tape into the cassette player hard and the music drowned out his brother’s laughing as he drove home in a huff.

………………………….

Bobby took Dean out to Ellen’s roadhouse that afternoon to try and put him in a better mood after Sam told him about the Steve incident. Jo found it hilarious which really didn’t help with Dean’s mood. They only stayed about half an hour before Bobby decided it would be best to take him home, before he started a fight with that douchbag Gordon who was being even more loud and obnoxious than usual.

Bobby could nearly see Dean’s blood boiling, but let him drive anyway, he hadn’t had too much to drink so he didn’t see the harm. Driving usually calmed Dean down if going out didn’t, so Bobby would insist on the scenic route home.

Regardless, Bobby had to remind him to ease off the gas twice within the first few minutes. Dean was so pissed at himself it was hurting him and Bobby didn’t really know what say, but he decided to give it a shot.

“Look son, we know he lives in the area at least. Chances are you’ll bump into him again. LOOK OUT!”

Dean slammed on the brakes as someone was thrown off the sidewalk and thwacked into the passenger side door. Bobby was out the car in a flash, looking after the guy who was pulling himself to his feet.

“They pushed him.” A woman shouted, pointing at the back of two men tearing down the side walk, they ran across the street, dodging cars as they made a break for the park.

“What you are waiting for, get em.” Bobby instructed, and Dean took after off after them. They barely made the grass when he reached them. He tripped one of the guys and rugby tackled the other. The second man was bigger than him, but Dean knew how to fight.

The first guy, went slamming into the ground with one punch and stayed there, whining like a nerdy kid beaten up in yard. The second guy, although big, was slow and cumbersome. Dean got in a few punches before he was hit hard in the face and sent reeling backwards. He regained his balance quickly as the blood ran down his nose and licked his split lip. Dean growled gutturally and grabbed the other guys face as he charged at him, driving it into a tree with his own momentum and the guy stayed down this time.

Dean wasted no time towering over him. He crouched down, grabbing him by his shirt collar and pulling their faces close together.

“What the fuck you push that guy for huh?” Dean growled.

“Little slut deserved it.” The man grinned.

“Hey! Stop!”

Dean shoved the guy back down and turned his head to see two police officers approaching from within the park and Dean stepped away from the fallen pair reluctantly, putting his hands up.

“Citizen’s arrest officers. I was just defending myself.”

“Alright spill.” The first officer looked at him.

“These guys shoved a man out in front of my car.”

“Hey Stover, I know these two. They’re on Lafitte’s list, arrest warrants went out this morning.” The second officer shouted, putting Cuffs on the bigger guy before he had chance to regain his feet.

“Well looks like you’ve caught us too very dangerous low life’s sir. Thank you.”

“Err. Ok sure, you not going to do me for assault?” Dean asked, confused.

“I mean why would I? Just defending yourself, right?”

“Right. What did these guys do?” Dean probed.

“I’m afraid we can’t discuss that at present, but can I take your name Sir? We may need to call you as a witness.”

“Winchester. Dean Winchester.”

“Well thank you Mr. Winchester.” Stover said, cuffing the second man and hauling him to his feet.

“Sheriff Stover, do you need a hand.” A third uniform came into view and Sheriff Stover handed off the prisoner.

“Get these two back to the station.” He ordered and turned back to Dean. “Mr. Winchester, will you take me to the man you speak of?”

“Uh, yeah sure.”

When Dean got back to the car, Sheriff in tow there was quite a crowd gathered around baby and so many people close to his car was making him uncomfortable.

“Dude alright Bobby?”

“Debatable. Idjit won’t let me call an ambulance.”

“You’re the guy from the supermarket!” A familiar little voice called from the backseat of the impala.

“Alfie? Anna?”

Dean’s insides turned. If they were here, then… Dean ran around the car to see the face of the man hidden behind the car. The man he’d hit with baby. The figure sat on the asphalt propped against the car door, loosely held up by Bobby.

“Steve!” Dean yelped.

“Hello Dean.” Cas said gruffly.

……………………………

Shopping in hand, Cas felt melancholy as he walked slowly with the twins. His mind occupied by green eyes. Everywhere he looked he was seeing Dean’s face. It was very distracting and rather inconvenient.

He had an errand to run for Meg before he headed home, and it had taken them over into the west side of town for their weekly stop. He hoped it wouldn’t take long, he was looking forward to an evening taking the twins to the park.

That’s when he saw them and stopped dead. Turns out that was the worst thing he could have done, because the sudden movement drew the two men’s yes to him. They spotted him immediately and Cas grabbed Anna who was walking a little way ahead.

“Come on guys we’re going this way.”

“But…”

“Quickly.” Cas tugged Anna’s hand and turned tail, walking fast through the crowd trying to separate them from the danger. But suddenly a hand clamped on his shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going pretty boy.”

Cas gulped. Number 3. Graham he’d heard Lucifer call him.

“Get away from me.” Cas growled.

“Suddenly so brave.” Number 2 laughed catching up with the larger man. “Come on, what do you say you take us back to your place, see if you can’t take us both this time like you should have.”

The slimy man reached out to touch Cas’ face when Cas grabbed his hand and threw it away.

“I said get away from me and don’t touch me.”

“We’re not going until you give us what we want. Or have you forgotten your place!” Number 3 grabbed the lapel of his trench coat and pulled it hard, but Cas was ready. He used the momentum to headbutt the guy hard in the face.

He dropped the shopping and pushed the twins away from the men hard.

“Alfie Anna run now!” He yelled then he felt number 2 grab his hair, pulling him backwards. Cas yelled and stamped hard on the man’s foot who suddenly let go. He ducked as number 3 threw a punch and grabbed a soup can from the shopping. Clenched the heavy weight in his fist. He swung hard, stepping into it and cracked the recovered Graham across the jaw.

People were starting to turn at stare at the commotion, the crowd was thick, and he made an attempt to see if Alfie and Anna had got far enough away when a strong force met his chest and he went stumbling backwards.

His foot slid off the curb as he fought for balance and then he was falling out of control.

There was a squeal of brakes as Cas’ back hit something hard and his head whipped, cracking on something that crushed under the impact. He rolled under the force and then dropped harshly again, meeting the asphalt and sliding to a stop.

He groaned a little as stars swum in his vision, the burn of road rash overwhelming the pain of his probably swollen knuckles.

“Shit! What did you do that for?” Graham yelled at Number 2.

“It’s done now, let’s go.”

The world spun for a moment before Cas heard a car door open and worried voice break through.

“Woah Son, take it easy.” Cas was straight on his feet and looking in the crowd for the twins. He wanted to call for them, but for some reason his brain and mouth weren’t quite communicating.

“What are you waiting for. Get em!” The man who he now realized was holding him upright yelled at the driver of the car. Both figures were a little fuzzy, but he thought he saw the other one run off.

“Son, Son can you hear me?”

“Ouch.” Cas said as reached for his head groggily. He shook himself and started looking through the crowd again which had come back into focus. There they were.

“Anna! Alfie!” The toddlers heard him and started moving this way. He went to take a step.

“No, you aint going anywhere kid. Siddown.” The man who was holding him was strong. He has an old rugged face, with kind eyes, a beard and a baseball cap. He knew that face, but he had no idea where from.

“The two kids, can you get them please. They’re my brother and sister.”

“Sure thing, just you sit down first. I’m gonna call an ambulance.” Cas let himself be guided back to the floor and leant heavily against the car as he caught his breath. He body was trembling from the shock and adrenaline of having nearly been killed. Again.

“No please don’t, I’m fine I just need a minute.” Cas coughed, still a little winded but he was sure nothing was broken. His injured shoulder was burning like fire though. Just his luck.

“Ok Son, you stay there while I get the kids.” Bobby took a moment to spot them but approached them calmly, crouching down despite his aching knees to bring himself to their height.

“What’s happened our brother?” The girl said. Anna.

“Is he Ok?” Asked the boy. Alfie.

“Your brother’s just fine, he’s over here, let’s go and see him.” He led them to the car so they could just make out their brother, but then led them round the other side so they didn’t see the blood.

“Why don’t you too just wait in the back while I look after your brother?”

“We’re not supposed to get in strangers’ cars.” Anna said defiantly.

“It’s ok guy’s. This nice man’s helping us.” Cas called from the other side.

Bobby returned to the boy’s side and looked him over with a frown. Blood was streaming from his hairline on his right temple and he was clutching his right shoulder.

“Let me call you that ambulance son.” Bobby said sternly.

“I’m fine, I just need to catch my breath and…”

“Son, you probably have a concussion and your arm aint looking great by the way you’re holding it. If you got insurance problems, well hell, I’ll help you out, but just get yourself checked.”

“My shoulder’s fine, it’s an old injury. And I don’t have a concussion. Thank you for your help, but I have to go…”

“Nah ah ah, sit.” The man put his hand firmly on Cas’ good shoulder and held him down. “Now, don’t I know you from somewhere?” He said, eyes narrowed.

“Dude alright Bobby?”

Cas swallowed. He knew that voice and now he knew where he’d seen the other man. That was Dean’s voice, and this was Bobby. Oh hell, he was in trouble, he was in so much trouble.

“Debatable. Idjit won’t let me call an ambulance.” Bobby said popping his head high enough, so he could see Dean through the car window.

“You’re the guy from the supermarket!” Shit. Why did the twins have to be so sharp?

“Alfie? Anna?” Dean’s voice was full of surprise then realization. Cas closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. When he opened them again, he saw green.

“Steve?”

“Hello Dean.”

The two stared at each other for a moment., before Bobby broke the silence.

“Hang on… Steve?” Bobby’s face dawned, with realization and recognition.

“Yes Bobby, Steve.” Dean said bluntly. “Christ angel, are you ok? We need to get you to a hospital.”

“I told you I’m fine.”

“Angel?” Bobby asked, eyebrow raised.

“Shut up Bobby.” Dean growled at Bobby and then turned to Cas. “Come on, don’t be stubborn, let me help.”

“I promise you I’m perfectly ok.”

“Really?” Dean raised his eyebrow and narrowed his eyes. “Officer Stover?” Dean called.

“Mr. Winchester, is this the man?”

“Yeah, those guys you arrested pushed him out in front of my car.”

“Can I take a statement from you Sir?”

“Nothing happened I just tripped. You can let those men go, we were just having and argument. They didn’t push me.”

“Now Boy…” Bobby started.

“It’s ok, Sir. Let me handle this.” Officer Stover interrupted. “Those men have a warrant out for their arrest already, now we’ve caught them they are going to jail for a very long time, in fact it doesn’t really matter if you press charges or not. You don’t have to worry about them.”

“Then I won’t press charges. Alfie, Anna, grab the shopping, we’re going home.”

Cas pushed his way out from the crowd and gathered up the shopping that was scattered on the sidewalk. Bobby had to hold a confused and distraught Dean back from going after ‘the love of his life’ and making the situation worse. They had a runner on their hands. Boy was scared of something and they had to tread carefully.

“Officer, just let us try talk some sense into him, we’ll bring him by the station later to make a statement.” Bobby said calmly, and Stover nodded recognizing the situation.

“Ok, thank you sir.” Stover picked up his radio and start speaking. “Control, cancel that ambulance casualty is refusing and is trying to leave the scene.”

“Hey, wait a minute kid. You won’t go to the hospital, fine, but we hit you and we’re responsible, so you’re coming back with us and getting patched up. I ain’t letting you just wander off with a head wound till I’m sure you’re ok, so get in the car.”

Cas looked startled, ready to run, so Dean stepped forward calmly, reaching out for Steve’s hand and taking it gently.

“Come on angel. Let me look after you.”

Steve’s eyes widened a little, Dean wasn’t sure whether it was out of surprise, fear or… something else. But he slowly relaxed to Dean’s gentle tug and let Dean guide him into the front seat. They didn’t break eye contact the whole time.

“I apologize, I will pay for the damage to your car.” He said sadly, and Dean sat him in the front seat. Cas knew how protective Dean was of that car, Sam had mentioned it, but he knew he hadn’t heard it from Dean’s mouth, so he kept quiet. Steve didn’t know about baby, even if Cas did.

“Hell, no man that wasn’t you fault! Besides its minor, easy fix.”

…………………………

The car ride was awkward and quiet. Cas/Steve kept checking on the twins in the backseat, eyes fluttering to Dean’s face in between, or at the floor when he thought Dean was going to look. Dean was spending more time looking at Steve/Cas than at the road.

Bobby saw all this and resisted the urge to tell Dean ‘to keep his eyes on the damn road’, seeing as hell must have frozen over because there was no mistaking the look in Dean’s eyes, or the worry etched on his face. It looked like Dean Winchester really was in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that bit of fluff. There will be a little more in the next chapter, but we all know Cas' track record with happiness.
> 
> I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of fluffy, happiness and romance, but also graphic violence and one hell of a lot on angst.  
> Cas' friends are finally starting to piece things together, but will they be able to save him from his miserable life?

When the car pulled up Bobby got out to unlock the door and Dean went to let the twins out and help Cas.  
Cas used the moment of time alone to quickly blurt out a warning to the twins.  
“I know you are confused, but while we are here, I’m Steve ok. It’s really important you remember.”  
There were two little nods as the car door opened. Cas opened his own door before Dean had a chance to. His shoulder was aching quite badly now. Of course, if this was going to happen it would be the shoulder that Lucifer had stabbed, just as he’d stopped noticing it all day every day. He groaned a little at it and Dean snapped to him immediately.  
“Hey.” He said softly. “What hurts? You ok?” Looking him up and down like he was made of glass. Why was Dean so worried about him? Why did he even care? Dean was perfect, beautiful human being and Cas was well, barely human at all.  
“Dean its nothing. I’m fine.” He said it a little harshly and Dean’s eyes flashed a little in hurt. It made Cas’ stomach lurch in regret, he hated seeing that look on Dean. He gave the man a smile to try and fix it and it seemed to work, because Dean smiled back. And it was the most beautiful thing Cas had ever seen.  
Dean offered him a hand to hold on to and Cas considered ignoring it, but the happy look on Dean’s face when he caved and let him assist made it worthwhile. Cas told himself he was just going to have to play along with this, let them have their way and hopefully they could get out of here soon, but in reality, if it made Dean happy to help him then it made him happy too.

  
……………………………..

  
Then suddenly he remembered. Sam! If this was where Sam lived, then the game was up.  
He stopped suddenly in front of the door and Dean turned around to look at him in concern.  
“Hey, you ok?” Dean asked and when Steve didn’t move or acknowledge he took a step closer and held him by the shoulder. Was he having a panic attack, did something hurt?  
Dean bent down a little and looked Steve in the eye with concern. Holding onto his good arm gently, ready to catch him if he fell. Maybe it was the concussion? Steve was just staring at the door wide eyed, his face blank.  
“You feel sick?” He asked. “Dizzy?” Shit, was there brain damage? Was it a stroke?  
“No.” Steve shook himself out of it and Dean nearly collapsed in relief as the out of control thoughts were quickly silenced as those soothing blue eyes fixed on his again. “I’m fine, but I really should go.”  
“Hey come on.” Dean said softly, keeping hold of his arm just tight enough to keep him there without making him feel trapped. “You’re not going anywhere without getting that cleaned up.” Dean brushed his fingers over Steve’s temple near the cut and the blue eyes snapped right to him. Dean didn’t break contact. He felt glued to the other man’s sharp gaze.  
“Just running to get some more painkillers. We’re out.” Bobby made Dean jump and pull his hand away.  
“Can’t you send Sammy?” Dean asked. He really wanted Bobby to stay in case they needed to take Steve to the hospital or something went wrong.  
Steve tensed, and Dean frowned, wondering what had set him off.  
“No, he’s at Charlie’s remember. It’s her birthday.”  
Cas couldn’t believe his luck. Sam wasn’t home.  
“Oh right, yeah.” Dean took Steve’s hand and tugged on it gently. “Come on angel. Let’s get you inside.”

  
………………………..

  
Cas didn’t know what it was about Dean, maybe it was his eyes, but he was hypnotized. Whatever Dean asked him to do he couldn’t help himself. As Dean showed them into Bobby’s house Cas knew he was standing far too close to Dean, invading his person space. But Dean only smiled, his glances lasting a little longer than they should.  
The twins were watching TV in the sitting room. Cas was sat on dining room chair taking a glass of water from Dean’s hands gently as the perfect stranger shuffled his own chair closer, so they were face to face. Dean’s fingers gently pushed apart Cas’ messy hair to get a better look at the wound. It didn’t look too bad, but it was deep and a small piece of glass was still in there.  
Steve didn’t notice the worn fingers gently teasing the glass away or dabbing an antiseptic wipe into the wound. Dean had warned him “this might sting,” but it hadn’t. He hadn’t felt a thing, only the strange warmth and sense of calm that was welling inside his when he looked into Dean’s eyes.  
“I’m going to put a stitch in this, just to be safe.” Dean said slowly, and Cas couldn’t help but watch his lips as they moved.  
Dean noticed Steve staring at his lips and his own heart thundered in his chest.  
“I’m sorry, but this will definitely hurt a bit.” Dean refocused and picked out a needle, getting to work.  
Steve winced a little as the needle went in and Dean stopped immediately.  
“Ok?”  
Steve nodded, seemingly lost for words as Dean realized how close their faces were to each other.  
“Hey,” Dean chuckled. “Stay still.” But Steve just kept staring. “Nearly there.” Dean told himself as much as Steve.  
Dean finished up but found he couldn’t take his eyes away from Steve. They’d only know each other for about 15minutes, usually that wouldn’t be an issue to Dean, moving fast was never a problem to him… but as he stared at those beautifully kissable lips and started leaning in he just hoped to good he wouldn’t screw this up.  
The kiss was chaste and gentle and brief. Lips just pressed together as Dean put a hand on his shoulder and then it was over.  
Dean looked at Steve nervously, praying he hadn’t moved to fast and was horrified to see a tear running down the other man’s cheek.  
“Oh God, I’m sorry.” Dean rubbed away the tear tenderly with his thumb and then realized how stupid that was. He went to move away but there was a hand on his arm, gently holding him there.  
Dean looked over Steve’s face more deeply and his blue eyes were wide and surprised, but not frightened, more disbelieving. In fact, Steve was looking at him in awe, admiration even. It was like Dean had given him the world with that kiss.  
“Steve? Can you say something please, because I…”  
“Thank you.” Cas said quickly. His voice quiet and full of emotion.  
“Thank you?” Dean said in surprise.  
Cas couldn’t believe that had just happened and it had felt… He had never felt so safe and wanted in all his life. It was perfect. He should have been scared, this was moving too fast. He barely knew Dean, well, he supposed he knew of him well enough from Sam, but… He just trusted him, felt safe with him in a way he had never felt before.  
“That was… I’ve never...”  
Dean frowned in surprise.  
“No one’s ever kissed you before?”  
Cas shook his head in embarrassment, but Dean just smiled.  
“Well, I’d known that before I’d have done it a bit better.” Dean smiled.  
“It was perfect.”  
“Does that mean you would like to…” Dean’s hands slipped around Cas’s waist and gently pulled him closer, “…Do it again?”  
Dean was asking him if he wanted to do it again. He was asking him. It was his choice.  
“Yes.”  
Cas felt himself being gripped round the waist, lifted and slid till he was sat on Dean’s knee. Cas pressed his forehead into Dean’s letting their noses touch. His breath shuddered. He hadn’t done this before, he didn’t know what to do.  
Dean noticed the hesitation and took control. Their lips pressed together again, and their noses bumped. Cas felt Dean tilt his head to the left and Cas did the opposite. Again, they started slowly, their lips just brushing until Deans hand moved up to hold Cas’ jaw. Cas relaxed and let Dean take the lead, he opened his mouth wider and Dean took advantage of it, sucking gently on Cas’ bottom lip. Cas couldn’t help the hum of pleasure that escaped him, nor did he want to. Dean’s hand slid up his back and rubbed tender circles between Cas’ shoulder blades, pulling the kiss deeper. Cas moaned and shuddered, his fingers snapped up to find Deans shoulders. He scrabbled for a second, not sure what to do with his hands, then he felt Dean smile in his mouth a little as Cas settled on the back on his neck. Dean’s tongue ran over his bottom lip, brushing his teeth, asking for entrance and Cas opened his mouth to allow it.  
It was all over too fast. Dean pulled away gently but didn’t move his hands. Cas continued to hold onto Dean’s shoulders, panting a little.  
“That better?” Dean asked with a smirk. Cas hadn’t the words to describe what had just happened, but instead he leaned in and gave Dean a quick firm kiss and Dean grinned like a Cheshire cat.  
“I meant to ask you this at the store earlier, but can I have your number?” Dean said with a chuckle.  
“Yes.” Cas couldn’t believe the words had left his mouth. Kissing someone he’d only just met, agreeing to exchange numbers… he shouldn’t be doing this, it was stupid. This was Sam’s brother… he was going to find out sooner or later. But the moment he looked back into Dean’s eyes all his worries were forgotten. Even if it only lasted the day, this was the best thing that had ever happened to Cas. He wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

  
……………………..

  
When Bobby got back all four of them were sat on the sofa watching TV. Steve had the twins on his knee, but Steve and Dean were sat very close and the way Steve kept looking Dean made his heart warm, though he’d never admit that.  
“How’s the patient?” Bobby announced his presence.  
“Head’s all sorted, don’t think he’s concussed.” Dean smiled, and Cas nodded in confirmation.  
“What about that shoulder?” Bobby asked.  
“Oh, I forgot about that.” Dean turned to Steve. “Why don’t you take your coat off and I’ll look it over?”  
“No!” Steve jerked away from Dean a bit. Cas couldn’t take his coat off, not with the fresh cuts he’d made on his arms a few days ago.  
“Steve?”  
“I’m sorry its fine. My shoulder’s fine.”  
“Ok Son.” Bobby backed down. “Can I get you all something to eat?”  
“Oh, I couldn’t, possibly… You’ve done so much already.”  
“Boy, we’re the ones that hit you, I think this is the least we can do.”  
Steve looked down at the twins who were looking at him with hopeful eyes. They would be hungry by now, he knew that, and it was a free meal they could never afford to turn down.  
“If you really don’t mind?”  
“Boy, I wouldn’t offer if I did.” Bobby smiled wandering through to the kitchen and beckoning Dean with him.  
“So… What are we going to do about Steve?”  
“I don’t know Bobby, he… just won’t talk to either of us and those guys obviously pushed him onto the road.”  
“It has to be more than that Dean. He’s acting sketchy about his shoulder and how old did he say he was?”  
“19.”  
“Then where are his parents? Why is he looking after the kids?”  
“I don’t know Bobby?”  
“Well, I say we try and persuade them to stay the night. I don’t him walking round with a head wound like that. How bad was it?”  
“I don’t think it was too bad, I put a stitch in it, but honestly I think he’s ok.”  
“Yeah well, I’ve given Jody a call, she’s on her way over right now.”  
“Bobby, I’m not super he’ll take that well. He’s already a flight risk…”  
“Relax Dean, she aint going to examine him, she’s just going to be discrete.”  
“Ok.”

  
Bobby paused a minute.  “Are you and him?”  
“I’d like to be.” Dean smiled. “We kissed, and I’ve got his number.”  
“Well his number could come in handy I suppose.” Bobby huffed. "Just be careful what your getting yourself into boy, its great that you want to help him, so do I, but we have to make sure we don't get burnt in the process."  
"I know Bobby."  
“Shit!” A yelp came from the other room.  
Dean and Bobby snapped around at Steve’s voice.  
“What is it, what’s wrong?” Dean ran through, heart pounding.  
Steve had scrambled to his feet, holding his cell in his hand. Something had spooked him, the question was what? Alfie and Anna were staring at him, the two youngsters clearly clueless. Hi cell vibrated in his hand and Steve glanced at the screen. He looked utterly distraught; anxious, conflicted, lost.  
“I… I have to go… Could you, no I couldn’t ask that…”  
“Steve, spit it out. What is it?” Bobby demanded.  
“Could you look after Alfie and Anna, just for an hour or so… I really need to go do something.”  
“Sure, what’s so important?” Bobby asked casually, as if he wasn’t really bothered whether Steve answered or not.  
“I can’t…” Steve looked torn. “I really have to go.”  
Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Bobby stepped in quickly.  
“Ok, well you two have each other’s number… just give us a heads up when you’re coming back.”  
Steve nodded and with a muttered thank you he shot out the door.

  
……

  
Cas tried not to run out the door, but it was a definite jog. He got his phone out and tried to text while walking but it never went well for him. His reply was a garbled mess.  
The text from Lucifer he’d received a few minutes ago was the last thing he needed today. Well, it was the last thing he needed any day, but today of all days it was a nightmare.  
Lucifer: I’ll be there in 10 minutes.  
Lucifer: You better be home and you better be in position.  
Castiel: I am on my way home now, I will be there a soon as I can.  
Lucifer: You better not be late, or you’ll pay for it bitch.  
Cas went to shove his phone away in his pocket when he bumped someone on the path, who was heading for Bobby’s house.  
“Sorry,” He mumbled, looking up but not really registering who he’d passed.  
He took off in search of a taxi. The bus wouldn’t get him there in time.

  
……………………….

  
Jody was tired. She’d just come off shift when Bobby had called her, and she was just desperate to go home and go to bed. She didn’t mind of course. Bobby only every asked for something if he really needed it and he’d sounded worried about this guy on the phone.  
It sounded really strange to her. They hit someone with their car and he was refusing to go to hospital. There could be a thousand reasons why and they’d get to the bottom of that later, for now she was just supposed to be visiting and checking him over from afar.  
Bobby’s front door slammed as a figure hurried out clutching his phone. It was a tallish guy, skinny, broad shouldered wearing a very worn looking tan trench coat. He was walking fast, looking down and bumped into a little while they passed on the path.  
“Sorry.” The guy mumbled. Now she was close Jody could tell he was young, probably still a teenager. Was this one of Sam’s friends, she wondered?  
Then he looked up and Jody stopped dead.  
She knew this boy.  
Why did she know this boy?  
She stood for a moment as the guy walked away, picking up the pace and then suddenly it hit her. She remembered where she’d seen that face.  
“Oh my God!

  
……………………….

  
“What the hell Bobby, why did you just let him walk off like that?” Dean pulled his surrogate father back into the kitchen and hissed at him.  
“He said he needed to go, he’s obviously shook, we argue with him now he’s just going to rabbit. But we help him out look after the kids…”  
“…then he trusts us and has to come back here.” Dean nodded in realization. “Sorry Bobby.” He added.  
“Listen Son, I know you care about this guy, but whatever is going on with these three, Steve ain’t going to suddenly spill all his secrets to a bunch of strangers. Best we can do is play the slow game, give them somewhere safe, gain his trust.”  
“Who was that?” Jody burst in the door.  
“What?” Dean asked incredulous.  
“Who was that just leaving?” Jody demanded, not giving them chance to reply she continued. “Is that the guy you hit with your car?”  
“Yes.”  
“We have to get him back here.” Jody turned back to the door and was ready the  
“Hang on Jody, just tell us what’s going on.” Bobby said calmly.  
“That is the abuse and sexual assault victim I came and told you about, the boy looking after his brother and sister who ran from the hospital, nearly cost me my job...”  
“My God Jody, you saying that was him?” Bobby blurted in disbelief.  
“Yes. What happened? Why did he leave?”  
“Got a message on his phone, said he had to go. The kids are here, watching TV.”  
“That message, it had to be from whoever is doing this to him.” Jody realized, in panic.  
“We need to stop him.” Bobby concluded.  
“What are you both talking about?” Dean asked.  
“Dean, just go out and see if you can see him.”  
Dean nodded and ran out into the street. There was no sign of Steve. He ran left, looking round the corners and checking, but the guy was gone, or he’d gone the other way. Sprinting hard he checked the opposite direction hastily, but there was still nothing.  
“Bobby, he’s gone, what is happening what is Jody talking about.”  
Of course, Bobby remembered, Dean hadn’t been there when Jody had come round and told them about her patient, it had been Sam.  
“About a month back, your Steve was brought into the ED, stab wound to the shoulder, beaten to hell with clear signs of sexual assault. He didn’t give a name, no parents showed, the twins called the ambulance and as soon as I left them all alone, they ran.”  
“Sexual assault?” Dean stared in shock, his face growing pale in worry. “We have to find him.”  
“I know Son, but we don’t know where’s he’s gone, we don’t know where he lives…”  
“Why didn’t you just call the police?”  
“They were there when he was brought into hospital of course, but he insisted it was an accident. That he’d fallen and well, I’ll state the facts and see if you come to the same assumptions. The twins were asking where their dad was, Steve, or whatever he’s called said he’d call his dad, but never did. He didn’t mention anyone else at home and that’s where the ambulance picked him up from.”  
“You think his Dad did this to him?”  
“Yes, and that means if we call the police and there is no one else that can take these kid’s on they’ll go into care.”  
“That’s why he’s hiding?”  
“Yes Dean. Or that’s what we think anyway.”  
“So, he’s likely gone home. If the ambulance picked him up from their surely we can find out where he lives.” Dean reasoned.  
“They will never give us that information.”  
Dean sighed. There must be something they can do.  
“His phone. Bobby can’ you track his phone?”  
“Dean, it’s illegal I told you.”  
“Yeah, well this is an emergency. Who’s going to find out? Can you or can’t you.”  
“Yes, I have the ability, but…”  
“So, will you?”  
Bobby didn’t take long deciding.  
“Fine, give me his number.”

  
……………………………………….

  
Gabriel hadn’t been home in years. Not since the twins were born. He’d spent a while on the flight over figuring out how old they’d be now and he’d realized that it was their 6th Birthday in a few days. And Cassie, Cassie would be 19. Hell, he’d missed a lot. Their baby brother was now an adult, more or less. Was he at College? What was he studying? He had no idea and that was his own fault since he hadn’t been great at keeping in touch.  
He and Balthazar had, had to get away and it was hard to look back, even if that meant leaving their baby brother behind. Balthazar had told him about Cas’ distress call a few weeks ago. He was pissed at his brother for shoving Cassie off like that. Yes, they had been having a good night, but no amount of alcohol could make Gabriel forget that family came first.  
So, he decided it was about time to come home, check up on the family, make sure Cassie was ok. He’d brought presents for the twins too, they hadn’t even met him, they wouldn’t have a clue who he was and that saddened him. However, much Balthazar annoyed him growing up he loved being a big brother, especially to Castiel. He loved his family so much it hurt sometimes. He’d missed out on that with the twins. Hopefully he could stay a week or two and make up for that. He had some news of his own anyway.  
He approached the door of the lavish house he’d grown up in and sighed. Even remembering the dives and sleazy motels he and Zar had lived in for the first few years they’d moved out he didn’t miss this place one bit. It was perfect, way too perfect. There was nothing personal about the place, it was just a display of power and wealth with everything in its place never touched. Balthazar had outright refused to go home. He couldn’t blame him. Zar had always hated mother and they’d only fight. Gabriel didn’t want to deal with that again. He couldn’t. It nearly broke him the last time.  
The door opened after a few moments and he was staring into the eyes of his mother.  
“Gabriel? What are you doing here?” Naomi said, her voice laced with hostility.  
“Wow, nice welcome Mum.” Gabriel scoffed.  
“What do you want.” Naomi said, much in the same voice.  
“Seesh can’t a guy come home and see his little brothers and sisters?”  
“I bet you think that’s funny. Go away Gabriel.”  
Naomi went to slam the door, but Gabriel shoved his foot in to stop it closing.  
“What the hell are you talking about.”  
“The divorce. Your disgraceful unholy little brother.”  
“Divorce? What the hell? You and Dad divorced?”  
“Naomi, who is it?” A concerned and unfamiliar voice called, running quickly down the stairs hearing the shouting.  
“It’s fine Bartholomew, just my son.”  
“Which one. The faggot or…”  
“Faggot?” Gabriel spat the word, in disgust at its use. “Who are you calling a…”  
“It’s Gabriel.” Naomi interceded, shouting back to Bartholomew.  
“Do you want me to get rid of him?”  
“Who the fuck are you?” Gabriel yelled at the strange man in his house.  
“This is my fiancé.” Naomi growled. “And you won’t speak to him like that, I’m still your mother!”  
“If you’ve come here to see your siblings Gabriel, you may as well leave. They have not lived here for years.” Bartholomew spoke.  
“You split up with Dad? Why? Where are they now?”  
“I don’t know San Diego or somewhere I don’t remember? It was your brothers fault.”  
“Who, Castiel?”  
“I won’t speak his name.” Naomi scoffed, turning up her nose.  
“Your brother is an abomination in the eyes of God and a stain on this family.”  
Gabriel was quickly approaching furiousness. He put together the pieces of the conversation and it made him even more angry.  
“You divorced Dad because Castiel is gay.”  
“I divorced your father because he went stood against me in curing Castiel of his affliction.”  
Gabriel wasn’t violent. He really wasn’t. Despite everything he loved his Mother, but at the words she had just spoken he felt his tightly clenched fists begin shaking in white rage. Cassie was away from here now. He was safe. Dad had got him away. So, there was no one for him to protect, meaning that hitting someone, would not help the situation, however much he wanted to.  
He composed himself and stood up as tall as his small stature would allow him.  
“You are an evil bitch Naomi and for once I hope this religious crap you believe in is real, because if it is, you are going to burn in hell and I hope the devil will let me watch!”  
“Leave before I call the police.” Bartholomew screamed.  
“With pleasure. I don’t want infecting with your insanity.”  
Gabriel stormed back to the main road in search of a cab. Was that why Cas had called them? No, Bartholomew had said they’d left years ago. God, he felt awful, all this had happened since he’d left and he hadn’t had the faintest idea. Neither of them had been there when Cassie had needed him the most, but thankfully Dad had. He’d have to go back to Vegas tonight, fill in Zar, then try and find the other half of his family. It shouldn’t be too hard, he thought. Dad would have had to get a new publisher, probably one local to wherever they had moved. He’d just have to find something he’d published since then. San Diego, Naomi had said. That was a good place to start.  
Duh! Of course, he could just ring Dad’s phone. Cassie had, had it after all just a few months ago. He should have called back the moment Zar had told him about Cassie’s call, but he’d wanted to turn up and surprise them. With all the planning going on it had taken him a while to make the travel arrangements. Maybe he should call Dad now… No, he’d wait till he’d talked with his brother and with Kali. She’d know what to do, she was his rock.  
At least that was two less people he had to invite to his and Kali’s wedding. He scoffed to himself. Naomi would be distraught when she found out he was marrying a supermodel. She would do anything to bump up her own status and this wedding would be perfect for that. But not if she wasn’t on the guest list. No. She wouldn’t be invited, he smirked to himself.

  
……………………………………….

  
Cas barrelled through the door and started stripping frantically. He heard the engine of the cab leaving, but also heard one arriving. The familiar ill sounding rumble of Lucifer’s truck pulled up outside and Cas couldn’t get his shoe off.  
He ran into the bedroom, closing the door, hoping he would get a few more seconds to get ready. Lucifer’s visits were usually once a month, but this was the second time this week. He wore a plug nearly all the time now, it was not worth the pain of Lucifer taking him unprepared if he was caught by surprise… Like today.  
He crawled onto the bed, just as the door opened.  
“The little slut is getting good at this.” Lucifer hummed to himself as Cas buried his face in the duvet.  
He heard the click of Lucifer’s belt come undone and then felt the sudden dip in the bed as his Uncle crawled up behind him.  
Lucifer’s hands planted on his cheeks and pulled them apart in the way he was disgustingly familiar with. Then they were interrupted by a sharp, shrill ring.  
Lucifer’s cell.  
Lucifer swore sitting on the bed checking the caller ID, grumbling when he realized he had to answer it.  
“What?” He answered gruffly.  
“What!” The voice rose into disbelief.  
“How much is your bail?”  
“You want me to come in? No way.” Lucifer shook his head.  
“Urgh Fine.” He spat.  
“How did they get you?”  
Cas didn’t know what changed but suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed. And it wasn’t good.  
“I’ll be there soon.” His voice suddenly mellowed and for some reason Cas could feel his heart racing out of control.  
Lucifer hung up.  
“Stand up Castiel.”  
Why was Lucifer using his name? It was usually something derogatory, like bitch or slut or fag.  
Castiel complied like he always did. His choice clear, compliance or pain.  
When he saw the look in Lucifer’s eye he froze. Lucifer was furious. More enraged than he’d ever seen him before and it was directed at him.  
The world went blurry for a few minutes. He felt sharp pain, but he couldn’t figure out where it was or when it had happened. As the world cleared he realized he was pinned against the chest of drawers in the corner of the room, a hand clamped down on his throat.  
“That was Graham on the phone.” Lucifer squeezed tighter and Cas gasped in pain. “You remember Graham? He’s the one that nearly split your little slut hole in half.”  
Castiel’s chest was burning for air, but Lucifer’s grip only tightened. Now he couldn’t even make a sound.  
“And now I wish I’d let him.” Lucifer bellowed, and Cas shook, partly from fear but more from oxygen deprivation.  
“He and Martinez have been arrested. And he says it’s your fault.”  
Cas’ eyes went wide with shock.  
“You are going to pay for that!”

  
……………………………..

  
“Yes?” The bored sergeant behind the reception desk didn’t even look up at Lucifer as he approached. He was glad. If Lucifer looked anywhere near as flustered as he felt, then there would likely be unwanted questions. He took a quick glance down at his shaking fists and bloodied knuckles and hid them away in his pockets.  
“I’m here to arrange bail for Graham Johnson and Robert Martinez.”  
“Name.”  
“Lucifer Pellegrino.”  
“Just a moment.”  
Lucifer sighed impatiently as the officer typed on the computer.  
“One of our Detectives would like to speak with you Mr. Pellegrino.”  
“What! Why?” Lucifer asked, appearing angry but inside he was frightened.  
“Both men have listed you as their alibi, if you could just wait in the interview room and confirm this then we can drop the charges on your friends.”  
Lucifer relaxed a little. They didn’t have anything on him, or the others. He chuckleled a little. These guys were all idiots and he would just keep outsmarting them.

  
………………………..

  
Dean ignored every protest of Jody’s to slow down. They had a location for Steve and the moment he’d stopped moving the impala was screeching down the street in search of Dean’s love.  
Bobby had stayed back with the twins. Dean knew how to handle himself and there was no way they were going to stop him going. Jody was the nurse, it only made sense that they take her too. Bobby was not best pleased to be babysitting, but someone had too. He was their back up if something happened.  
Jody stopped complaining after a while, the journey was only supposed to take 10minutes, at this rate they’d be there in 5 or pulled over by a traffic cop. Dean didn’t care. All he could think about was Steve and he was bursting with worry.  
He was just praying when they got there that those blue eyes would be ok.

  
…………………..

  
“Lucifer Pellegrino.” A man greeted cheerily as he entered the interrogation room. It was like he was greeting an old friend, and in some very tenuous way, he was.  
“Reese?” Lucifer frowned as the familiar face of his best paying Voyeur entered the room. In fact, the guy had become like a second brother to Lucifer over the past few years. They’d met in the shady bar Purgatory when Lucifer used to pick up his new toys from there. That was nearly 2 years ago, but it was a long time until he realized that Benny Reese was interested in his shady line of business. “They drag you in here too?” He asked, surprised to see him there.  
“Yes, you could say that.” Benny smiled. “Every day at 9am sharp.” Reese’s voice dropped an octave and his face deadpanned. Lucifer’s face darkened, anger boiling as he realized what was happening.  
Reese continued.  
“You see, Benjamin Reese, he’s not real Lucifer. Neither are you really. Born Samael Novak, changed your name to Lucifer Pellegrino at the age of 19. Most people change their names from something weird to something normal, but you… Well Lucifer actually suits you, for you are the devil Mr. Novak.”  
“You’re a fucking cop!” Lucifer roared, but fake Reese’s dangerous glare made him sit down.  
“Detective Benny Lafitte. And I’ve been on your case for some time. Undercover work is always hard, it’s my specialty, but this case…” Benny shook his head. “This case I nearly couldn’t finish. But I’m so glad I did.”  
“You press charges on me and I’ll make sure everyone knows how you were balls deep in my nephew! You are as much of a criminal as any of my clients.” Lucifer yelled.  
“Unfortunately for you Mr. Novak, my supervisor has been kept informed of all my actions throughout my time undercover and although some were incredibly undesirable, I have been cleared of any wrong doing. Though thank you for informing me that it was your nephew that day, he may be useful as a witness, though we hardly need him. The evidence we have on you and your little underage sex business will put you away for life.”  
“I will kill you for this.” Lucifer yelled. He charged at the detective without warning, but it took very little for Benny to pin the enraged man against the wall. Benny leaned in and whispered the rest into Lucifer’s ear as the man growled at him.  
“Don’t blame me Lucifer, blame your pal Graham, he’s the one who caved for a reduced sentence, even called you to get you in here. You see it would have been very hard to track you down considering you change your residence so regularly. But Graham he did a stunning job of making it easy for us.”  
Lucifer writhed and jerked on Benny’s hold as a few uniformed officers entered the room.  
“Let’s do the official bit shall we?”  
The cuffs went on.  
“Lucifer Pellegrino. You are under the rest for the rape and sexual assault of 73 persons, the kidnap of 12 of those victims and 42 counts of statutory rape. You do not have to say anything, anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law, you have the right to an attorney…”

  
………………………

  
When Dean jumped out of the car his worst fears were realized. He could hear shouting and crashing coming from inside the tiny dilapidated house where Steve’s cell was located. He grabbed the shotgun from the trunk without hesitation. Jody looked worried but undeterred. She was the kindest person Dean knew, but he also knew that you don’t mess with Jody Mills.  
The noise seemed to stop as they approached the front of the house. Dean checked the door.  
“Whoever you are I have a gun and if you have hurt Steve in any way I will blow your fucking brains out!” Dean yelled as he kicked in the door. Wood splintered as his foot collided near the lock and the door flung open. Dean marched in without hesitation.  
There was a scrambling from the back of the house and the sound of glass breaking. The fucker was trying to escape! Blinded by rage and fear Dean charged after the figure of a man in jeans and a scabby t-shirt retreating out the back window.  
“Dean be careful!” Jody yelled, but whether Dean had even heard her was questionable.  
She sighed and raised her own weapon, yes, it looked like the perpetrator had fled, but you could never be too careful. She searched the rooms methodically, before finally opening the door to the bedroom.  
“Hell.” She gasped. Her face going white. She jumped into action.

  
…………………………..

  
“Jody!” Dean called as he ran back into the house. The Damn bastard had given him the slip. He was so pissed at himself, but the moment it had sunk in that there was nothing he could do he realized there was something he could do. He needed to know Steve was ok, needed it like he needed air and food and sleep. He rushed back into the house and called out for her.  
“Dean in the bedroom.”  
Dean opened what he assumed was the bedroom door and stopped in shock.  
“Be careful, there’s glass.” Jody warned. She returned to quietly mumbling to her patient in a soothing voice.  
Dean looked down at his feet so see broken shards of mirror scattered across the mouldy carpet. He located the place on the wall where what was left of the mirror hung. But then his eyes were drawn back to the figure on the floor.  
Steve.  
Steve was laid awkwardly, like he’d just been disposed of. His body looked crumpled, legs twisted side-ways and head tossed back only his lower half was covered by a sheet, which he guessed Jody had done. It didn’t take any imagination to think what had happened. Jody had said it had already happened before.  
Dean was shaking as he crouched down beside Jody, not even bothering to check for glass as he kneeled. Now he was closer Dean could see the state of his love. His skin was pale and bruised, scars littering his arms in a way Dean knew was self-inflicted. No wonder he’d not wanted to take his coat off. There was a worse scar on his shoulder, old, maybe a few weeks. That must be the knife wound Jody had talked about.  
Then his eyes trailed further up. Steve’s throat was bloody and bruised with the clear handprint of someone who had tried to strangle him. That someone Dean had let escape.  
He bit back a tear as he took in the bloody nose and battered lips. Those lips that had been so wonderful to kiss only hours ago. It made Dean swell with pride when he thought he’d been this beautiful creature first kiss. Then the reality of that dawned on him. Steve had been raped before, probably many times, yet he had never been kissed. It made Dean sick to the stomach that he’d never known love or affection, how could anyone do a thing like this to such an angel.  
“Dean Hunny you need to snap out of it.”  
Dean looked at Jody. Not even trying to hide the tear that ran down his cheek.  
“I know it looks bad sweetie, but honestly I think we stopped it before it could really get started. Now I’m going to get my bag from the car and call an ambulance. I want you to stay here and look after him for a minute, ok?”  
Dean nodded gently, and Jody smiled. How could she smile? How did she keep so calm? He knew it was her job, but it was physically hurting him to see Steve like this, more than he realized was possible.  
That’s when Dean noticed that the blue eyes weren’t closed. They never had been. They were open and staring blankly off into space. What was wrong? Why wasn’t he looking at them, why wasn’t he talking?  
Jody noticed Dean’s panic as he stared at the catatonic form on the floor in front of him. She knelt back down next to Dean and rubbed his back in circles.  
“Why is he…” Dean couldn’t get the words out.  
“He’s had a trauma, ok? It happens sometimes, but he’ll be fine Dean, he’ll come out of it.”  
Dean nodded a little and pulled the sheet higher up Steve, tucking it under his arms gently. He looked cold and vulnerable like this.  
“Did he? Was he raped again?” Dean spoke more calmly, starting to come back into himself.”  
“No, I think we got here before he was Dean. We stopped it ok? We stopped this.” Jody smiled and got up again. “Just talk to him, see if your voice can bring him out of it. Something familiar will help.”  
Dean waited till Jody left the room and then lay down next to Steve and started running his fingers gently through those messy raven locks. Steve’s head was tilted slightly towards Dean’s this way, he made sure that he was in line of sight of those stunning blue orbs. Those eyes that were so frighteningly empty right now.  
“Steve?” Dean started. He made sure he spoke calmly, trying not to let his emotion crack through the mask he’d only just managed to put up. “Steve Buddy can you hear me?”  
Dean gently started stroking Steve’s arm with his other hand. “Steve, it’s Dean. I’ve got you Angel. You’re safe now.” Dean smiled sadly.  
“He’s never going to hurt you again angel. I’m going to look after you. You’re safe with me.”  
Steve suddenly flinched. His eyes blinked, and he took a choked and shaky breath, causing his sore throat to cough and splutter.  
“Hey Angel, its ok.” Dean raised himself to his knees, so he could cradle Steve’s head and sooth him through the coughing fit. “Just relax and breath. I’ve got you.”  
“Dean?” The gruff voice rattled much more than usual, hoarse from the hands that had left those bruises. His blue eyes were a mess of swirling emotions, pain, fear, confusion, panic.  
“Yeah Steve it’s me.” Dean smiled, and the panic started to fade.  
“How did you?” The coughing started again, and Dean winced at the obvious pain it was causing his love.  
“Don’t try and talk Steve. And it’s a very long story, so I’ll tell you all about it later, ok?”  
Steve nodded. Pain taking over as his dominant emotion.  
Dean was aware of another figure beside him. Jody was back.  
“Hey there Steve, do you remember me? Jody. Nurse Mills?”  
Steve nodded sadly.  
“It’s ok sweetheart we are going to look after you.” Jody reassured, and Dean kept soothing through his hair which Steve started to lean into a little.  
“Is the ambulance coming?” Dean asked quietly.  
“There has been a big smash up on the highway. The could send one, but it would be better for them if we could take him in the truck.”  
Dean nodded.  
“Ok Steve, I’m going to check your ribs, just squeeze Deans hand real hard if it hurts too bad, ok? Don’t try and talk.”  
Jody sighed in relief when it became clear no ribs were broken. That throat was going to need ice, but his trachea hadn’t collapsed so there would be no lasting damage.  
Jody nodded at Dean to help her roll him slowly onto his side, so they could get a look at his back. There were a few small lacerations from the glass of the mirror. He’d obviously been thrown into it in one way or another.  
All patched up Jody made Dean leave the room as she helped Steve dress. He was wobbly on his feet, legs shaking and pale with shock, Dean took off his jacket and wrapped it around him as he helped Steve to the impala.  
He picked up his cell before he started the ignition and dialled Bobby.  
“Bobby…”  
“How is he? Did you find him?”  
“He’s Ok-ish. I’ll explain it all later. We’re driving him in to the hospital, could you bring Alfie and Anna and meet us there?”  
“Sure, thing Son. Are you ok?”  
Dean sighed shakily.  
“I’m fine Bobby.” He lied.  
None of this was fine.

  
……………………………

  
Benny commandeered the computer at the front desk while the officer was on a break. He’d only just got back from his undercover work, so they hadn’t sorted him out his old desk back yet and it was damned annoying when he was trying to close the biggest case of his career.  
He looked up Lucifer Pellegrino/Novak and searched for his next of kin.  
Boom. One brother, James Novak.  
His heart skipped.  
Deceased, four months ago. Heart attack. Poor Kid.  
Five children. Two minors, Samandriel and Anael Novak, 5 years… legal guardian Lucifer Pellegrino.  
Benny nearly growled. Lucifer had custody of two 5-year olds. He prayed that they hadn’t know his cruelty, but then he thought back to the blue-eyed boy and what he had said. He had to do this. He was repaying Lucifer. He was protecting them from his Uncle, or trying to at least. He felt sick. This whole case made him sick. When it was over he was getting far away from this town. He couldn’t stand it here anymore, everywhere he looked he saw criminals, his time among the scum of San Jose had taken off a blindfold that he really wished had stayed on.  
But he had to carry on. He had to find this boy and the two children. He needed a name first though.  
Children of James Novak: Gabriel Novak, 28; Balthazar Novak, 25; Castiel Novak, 19.  
19\. That had to be him. Castiel. Huh, another angel name. Clarence was a fitting alias for him then. According to the database they’d been living with James Novak, so he looked up the last known residence.  
“Hey!” Benny called a passing officer over.  
“Get some officers over to 1892 Clarice drive. You’re picking up a Castiel Novak and two minors Anael and Samandriel. Now, he’s likely to be a flight risk, he’s a victim and witness in the Pellegrino case. Take a counsellor with you or something, look after them and call in child services, tell them we have a custody issue with two minors, have them here by the time you bring them in.”  
“We haven’t any spare officers at the moment, none of us can leave the station. Everyone is busy with the RTC on the 680. It’s a disaster zone.”  
“Ok, fine, just make this a priority when we have someone spare.”  
“Yes Sir.”

  
…………………………..

  
Dean had watched Steve in the rear-view mirror all the way to the hospital. Jody was looking after him well in the back seat, but the guy had passed out almost as soon as the car had started.  
Dean had been waiting in the hospital room with Jody for a few hours now. Steve was going to be fine, but they’d given him some strong pain killers and he was going to be very sleepy.  
Bobby had been trying to keep the twins in the waiting room outside, but they were getting more and more anxious and Bobby was starting to get worried that someone was going to start asking questions before they Steve woke up and they could try and get the situation solved.  
“I’m just going to speak to Bobby for a minute Dean. Now remember what happened last time… I left him for 5 minutes and he bolted, so don’t move until I get back. Got it?”  
“Don’t worry Jody, I wouldn’t leave him alone if my ass was on fire.”  
Jody laughed. It was hilarious how in love Dean was with this poor guy. It was like a bad chick flick as Dean would call it.  
“Hey Bobby.”  
“Jody, the twins are getting anxious, I think we just need to bite the bullet and let them in to see him. If they keep making a fuss people are going to start paying attention.” Bobby whispered.  
“I get you Bobby, I do.” Jody sighed. Neither of them wanted the little ones to see their big brother in this state. “Come on, let’s go see your brother!” Jody announced to cheers.  
When they returned Steve was awake, talking to Dean and smiling a little. The pair were holding hands, Dean’s face awfully close to Steve’s.  
Bobby cleared his throat loudly and Dean pulled away quickly, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.  
“Hey guy’s!” Steve croaked excitedly to Alfie and Anna. Then coughed and winced as he remembered why talking was a bad idea. The twins ran up to their brother and crawled onto his bed with him with a little help from Dean.  
“Are you ok?” Alfie asked with wide eyes, seeing the bruising on Cas’ neck and face.  
“Why are you hurt?” Anna asked in shock.  
“I’m fine. Just had a little accident.” Cas wheezed.  
“You have a lot of accidents.” Anna frowned.  
“Yes, I do. I need to be more careful.” Cas started coughing again and Dean was by his side instantly.  
“Listen guy’s your brother isn’t supposed to talk much right now, so you can stay here as long as you promise not to ask him too many questions.” Dean told the twins.  
“Ok Dean.” Anna smiled, warmly.  
“Good.” Dean smiled.

  
……………………………….

  
Cas had been awake for a few hours now with the twins on his knee. He didn’t know what to do.  
He’d noticed that they hadn’t left him alone with the twins for a moment. They weren’t going to give him a chance to run again and that scared him.  
Every time he looked at Dean he felt torn. His head was telling him run. They could go straight to the new apartment, hope that the landlord would let them move in early… at the very worst they could spend a few nights in a homeless shelter until it was ready. That way he could get them away from Lucifer in a way he knew would work. Then he could go back to what he’d always known, taking care of them and them only.  
His heart said stay with Dean. It was begging him not to leave the green eyes behind, to let them take care of him. His heart said he could trust these people but listening to his heart often got him into trouble.  
So head, or heart?  
He had to choose.  
Did he take a leap of faith and choose Dean despite the risks, or did he do what he always did, run so he could be sure of fighting another day for the twins?  
Cas took a deep breath and squeezed the tears from his eyes while no one was looking. He’d made his decision.

  
…………………………..

  
Jody had, had to go home. It was well and truly the middle of the night and she had an early shift the next morning. Bobby had left a few minutes ago, to pick Sam up from Charlie’s party. So, Dean was left along with Steve and the twins, watching as the injured man faded in and out of sleep, only waking to check on his siblings, smiling softly when he saw they were ok.  
The love Steve had for Alfie and Anna was beautiful and it made Dean feel warm inside, proud even. Steve was amazing at looking after those two, he could tell and the three of them had an amazing relationship that made Dean a little jealous.  
But every now again Steve’s blue eyes would flick to him in his moment of wakefulness and all negative thoughts would fade away. It was clear that Steve felt the same way that Dean felt. He didn’t need to worry.  
They were Soul Mates. Dean was sure of it.  
“Dean?” Steve croaked snapping Dean out of his trance.  
“You shouldn’t be talking.” Dean scolded gently.  
Steve made the motion for a drink of water and the movement woke the twins, who didn’t make a noise.  
“Sure, no problem.” Dean smiled, tapping Steve’s hand he got up and went to the water dispenser at the other side of the room. He sighed to the wall he was facing as he waited for the cup to fill, the fatigue was finally starting to catch up with him now and he hoped Bobby would be back soon. He didn’t want to leave Steve for anything, but it would be rather embarrassing if he passed out from exhaustion. Besides, he really stank, he needed a shower bad.  
Suddenly there was the beeping of the machines behind him. He spun in panic, the water spilling a little the something hit him hard in the face and the world melted into black.

  
………………………………

  
“Dean!”  
“Shut up Sammy, I’m sleeping.” Dean mumbled into his pillow as he turned onto his front away from the annoying noises and the intense light pricking through his eyelids.  
“Dean you need to wake up.” Sam called out again, he sounded worried. Why was Sammy worried?  
Then Dean started to wonder why his head was pounding, his pillow didn’t smell like his pillow. It smelt like.”  
Hospital.  
“Steve! Where’s Steve?” Dean sat up quickly, wincing as his head ached and spun at the sudden movement.  
“I’m sorry Dean…” Sam started and Dean turned his attention to his little brother, who looked like he hadn’t slept. “Do you remember what happened.”  
Dean looked down at himself. He was in a hospital gown, in a hospital bed. Why the hell was he… He stopped and tried to think, tried to remember.  
“Ermmm, I was babysitting Steve and… I went to get him some water!” He announced suddenly proud that he’d remembered.  
“Yeah and then what?” Bobby asked, entering the room.  
“Then…” Dean considered. “I heard something. Then nothing, its blank.”  
“What’s going on, where is Steve? Is he ok? I was worried, I can’t remember why.”  
“Dean…” Bobby started.  
“Steve knocked you out cold.” Sam finished. “And then he left.”  
“We found you on the floor when we got back.”  
“Steve knocked me out?” Dean said confused. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck, not a malnourished, injured teenager. “Tell me you found him?”  
“No Dean. He’s gone.” Bobby said sadly.  
“What time is it?”  
“It’s 2pm. You’ve been out 12 hours.”  
Dean pulled out the wires and the machines started screaming.  
“Dean stop!” Sam shouted.  
“I have to go and find him Sammy.”  
“We tried Dean, we looked all night, we all did… but he left you a message.”  
Sam handed him the cell and Dean realized his hands were shaking slightly. He unlocked it quickly and scrolled to find the message.

  
_Dean._  
_I cannot tell you how sorry I am, but I had to go. It’s the only way I know to keep them safe and they are all that matters._  
_The twins are my purpose, my job is to protect them and what I want doesn’t matter._  
_That said, I hope that I didn’t hurt you too badly and I need you to know that given the choice, I would have chosen to stay with you… for however long you would take me. The short time I spent with you was the best of my life and if that is the last happy memory I acquire then it has made my life worthwhile. I know you all wanted to help me, but trust has not served me well in the past. I cannot and never will be able to express my gratitude to you all in a manner significant enough and yet I must ask you one more favour…_  
_Do not look for me. I destroyed this phone after I sent this message and you will not find us on Clarice drive. I am sorry it had to be this way. Please have a good life._  
_Forever yours._  
_Your angel._

Dean dropped the phone and sobbed. His life crumbled around him, but the strong arms of his baby brother wrapped around him and stopped the pieces from falling apart.  
“I’m so sorry Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I know, I am so cruel to my characters. Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!
> 
>  
> 
> I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way, but of course hope that people won't be nasty. Constructive criticism is always welcome but if you are just going to hate, kindly don't.
> 
> I hope by taking off the moderation more people will comment as posting this series again, especially this first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.  
> I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable commenting on stories with subject matter this graphic, but a few words, a line, it takes seconds and can be done anonymously. It would really make my day, so please, if you can, let me know what you think.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the final part of this fic and a little epilogue for you setting up the rest of the series.

“Just press the button Gabriel, stop staring at it like it’s going to bite.” Zar grumbled.

“What if he’s upset with us? We haven’t spoken to him for years.”

“Dad could never be upset with us, you know that. If you’re not going to do it give it to me.”

Balthazar reached over to snatch the phone to grab it from his brother, but Gabriel held it out of his reach.

“No, it’s fine I’ll do it.”

Gabriel sighed and pressed dial.

“We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.”

Gabriel hung up the phone, a frown creasing his forehead.

“What, what is it?” Zar demanded.

“It’s been disconnected.” Gabriel said dejectedly.

“But that was our last lead!” Balthazar exclaimed. “Let me try.”

Zar got the same response. They had tried everything to track down their Dad and little siblings over the past few weeks, but Gabriel and Balthazar had come up with nothing and Naomi had been less than helpful. There were no Novaks in San Diego.

……………………………….

The police didn’t have any trouble entering 1892 Clarice drive, the door had been kicked in. The place was like a war zone. A lot of the furniture was broken, and any personal items and clothes had all been cleaned out.

There was no one there.

Castiel Novak was gone. And so, had Anael and Samandriel.

Lafitte wouldn’t be pleased.

…………………………………

Lafitte still wasn’t pleased 6 months later when he sat at his desk. There had been no leads on the Novak’s. The mother Naomi was no help in the slightest.

They had managed to put Lucifer Pellegrino behind bars for life without possibility of parole. It was unusual but Lucifer’s behavior in court hadn’t done him any favors. They had identified nearly 35 of his clients and co-conspirators in the investigation and they had all got sentences, though some not long enough for his liking.

This was the case that had made Benny’s career. He’s saved a lot of lives and helped a lot of people, but in his mind he wasn’t finished yet, yet he had been ordered to be. The investigation was over and all the good he’d done was overshadowed by those blue eyes that were haunting him. Those blue eyes who he’d failed.

He sighed as he put the paper’s back into Castiel’s file and put it away for the final time.

Castiel Novak and his twin siblings were now a cold case.

……………………………………

It was also 6 months later that Dean was sat drinking for the 5th night in a row. He went to pour himself another glass of whiskey when it was snatched away from him.

“Ellen, come on! I’m not even drunk yet.”

“Yeah and you’re not going to be tonight.” She snapped a little and then softened. “We’re all sorry about Steve Dean, believe me. We are all carrying that guilt. You did your best Dean, but the boy made a choice, not the right one but it was his to make.”

Of course, everyone had been filled in on the Steve situation. Sam was a rock for Dean over the last few months, even though he’d never met the guy. Bobby felt guilty. Ellen felt guilty. Jody felt guilty. It was as if fate had been pushing Steve towards them all, begging them all to help him. It had been screaming in their faces, but they had all been too stupid to make the connection and it made his blood boil.

“I just… I don’t understand how he could just disappear.” Dean put his head in his hands.

Dean had been looking for Steve from the moment he’d got out of the hospital, but every lead had dried up and last week he’d hit his final dead end.

It was over. Steve was gone.

Ellen rubbed his shoulder fondly. “It’s time to move on.” She said, before leaving him alone at the bar.

She was right of course, but how could he let go of his soulmate. He sighed deeply as someone sat down next to him.

“You look like you’ve had a real rough week.” A sweet calm voice rose Dean’s attention.

“Make that 6 months.” Dean smirked.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Dean finally looked into the face of the woman he was talking to. She had dark shoulder length hair, flawless tanned skin and deep chocolate eyes, with the whitest smile he’d ever seen.

What was more interesting is that she looked genuinely concerned about him, a perfect stranger, she certainly wasn’t after a one-night stand which made a change.

“No thanks, it won’t do me any good.”

“Huh.” She laughed. “That’s an unexpected amount of wisdom from someone in your situation.”

“Yeah well the barkeep won’t serve me. She’s a family friend and sick of my moping.”

“Fair enough.”

“You look like you’ve had a bad week yourself.” Dean noted.

“Yeah well, cheating Boyfriends never go down well.” She sighed.

“Can I buy _you_ a drink?” Dean offered in return.

“No. I think I’ll follow your example. I’m Lisa. Lisa Braeden.”

“Dean Winchester.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Dean.”

……………………………………………………..

Nobody heard from Steve again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET READY FOR THE REST  
> Part 2: This is the way you left me ( short Bridging one shot) – Complete and posted  
> Part 3: To save an angel first few chapters already out.
> 
> As I said this Story does not have a happy ending, but if you want to know what happens to Cas from here, please keep reading the series. The next stories are nowhere near as graphic and things will slowly get better for Cas from here.  
> There will be a happy ending I guarantee.

**Author's Note:**

> I get that a lot of people don't like commenting on anything graphic/explicit like this, or leaving kudos. All I ask is for those who liked this and feel they can comment just leave me one line in that review box. Your support is vital and it means the world.
> 
> UPDATE: I felt brave after the little bit of support I received for this series of fics so I have now taken off the comment moderation. I think I can handle any nastiness that comes my way and I hope this will mean more people will comment as posting this series again, especially the first fic took a lot of courage. Even a line makes a writers day.


End file.
